In which the pond forsakes the Devine and settles for the sedentary safety of nattering "Ned" shouting at clouds ...

  

No doubt there'll be many pleased that Miranda the Devine has stopped being a bludger and has returned to bully, harass and intimidate.

The personality cult can resume, but even though it's in the pond's mission statement, and the Devine had surfaced on the last day of January, the pond couldn't go there ... not yet. It's too early, that month of blissful peace can't come to a close just yet ...

For starters, the Devine was banging on about Clinton, and the pond had sat through Dame Slap doing that, and then there was comrade Bill, which sounded like a by the numbers routine.

Besides, it goes without saying that the Devine is absolutely in favour of corruption in high places - where would the Liberal and Labor parties be without it? - and any attempt to discover and punish corruption must be regarded as a gutless gimmick. 

And besides that besides, the lizards of Oz had already bunged on a Corbyn-like class war, and the pond had already managed to avoid that ...

But if not the Devine, then who? Well the pond believes that nattering "Ned" is a national treasure, in the same way that soothers, pacifiers and teething gel come in handy at certain times ...

Yes nattering "Ned" is a great pond favourite, and a reliable way to induce a relaxing cat nap in a second or two, handy for anyone who wants to nod off at lunch time ...and the more he yammers on about a crisis, the quicker comes the urge to close the eyes ...

Along with their paranoia about China, the reptiles are becoming increasingly anxious about the Pacific, and it's a measure of just how deep the concern might get that nattering "Ned" starts channelling a Labor politician ...

Indeedy, indeedy, it's certainly a vexed and vexing problem.

The pond wonders if anyone has thought of setting up a gulag or two in Pacific neighbours, using a little cash to grease the wheel, and ship an Australian problem elsewhere.

It's a great look, a gulag, and with a bit of luck the legal problems that arise can head up to a neighbouring high court, and everyone can get agitated about conditions, and the tone of corrupt buying out of problems can spread around the region, and next thing you know, Australia has a tremendous reputation ...

Strange no one in either of the major parties has thought of it yet ... yet it's exactly the sort of leadership role that might inspire a Duterte ...

The neo-colonial psychological shadow?

Oh come on, setting up a couple of gulags won't do any harm. 

Please, be fair. Every reptile on the lizard Oz knows it's only right and just to ship Australia's problems elsewhere - the mutton Dutton himself has said so - provided there's a little cash in the paw to make the problems go away, and what on earth is neo-colonial about that?

What's that, those couple of mentions of climate science by nattering "Ned", supposed to result in an existential battle?

Doesn't "Ned" read his fellow Murdochian scribblers? Hasn't he the first clue about the truth? Or even the real truth?

Ah, the Murdochians and the Bolter, doing their very best to draw attention to our Pacific neighbours to help them and to support them ...

Luckily no one in the Pacific can read the Bolter. You see, they're so backward, none of the reptiles can be heard anywhere outside Australia.

They're so backward and insular these islanders, unlike the lizards of Oz ...

And with that, for those few still awake, how about ending with a few more examples of our government at work for the good of the world, thanks to Wilcox, with more Wilcox here ...