Tragedy strikes in many unexpected ways ... some tragedies are small, some are exceptionally large ...
It seems that prattling Polonius has gone missing this weekend in the lizard Oz, a tragedy for the pond, though whether it's a large or a small tragedy might be matter for debate.
The result however is a real tragedy ... all that's left of the usual reptile circuit is a serve of nattering Ned, and as the joke runs, not only is the food terrible, there are huge servings of it ...
You see, the pond got caught in a bait and switch. Is there any sign of that day in the lizard Oz splash for nattering Ned?
Nope, only talk of facing truths, and a standard spray for greenies and comrade Bill.
It was only when the pond came across the google splash that it realised it had been had, caught in a reptile 'gotcha' moment ...
Oh no, more Australia Day navel gazing, and the day still not interred in the ground for longer than a day ...
And so the endless trek began, worse than a thousand mile long march, and as usual, the pond had to recommend that only the hardiest, mentally and physically toughened souls set out on the journey, and only after they'd laid in a good range of supplies on the sled. No need to end up like Scott in the Antarctic, and have to step out of the tent for a little while ...
Of course it plays havoc with the pond's ratings ... as indignant passers-by drop in, realise they too have been had, and storm off, perhaps never to be seen again, but that's the price the pond must pay ...
The volatility of social media? What, the Donald's tweeting is to blame?
Okay, the pond only flung that in because already it can sense a certain restlessness in the crowd as nattering "Ned" begins his usual shouting at clouds, and yabbers on about Lachlan Macquarie nominating a public holiday in 1818, when in reality that was only for Sydney-siders, a reminder to Melburnians that Sydney was first and best at everything except a really stupid form of football, sucks boo, and it wasn't until 1838 that things kicked into gear ... in a colony, long before Australia had actually been invented as a concept, either practically, legally or physically ...
But that's the thing that's joyous about Ned, mindless stupidity ... because only Ned could see the taking of prisoners from hulks and prisons and shipping them elsewhere on the out of sight, out of mind principle, could be evoked as an "audacious experiment of the Age of Enlightenment" ...
Sixty nine people died, were discharged or deserted on that voyage, and there's the Age of Enlightenment for you, as the convicts no doubt felt enormously enlightened, kept below in the foul, cramped holds ...
Okay, okay, the pace is getting punishing, and at this point some will be breaking the energy bars and water bottles out, but as the pond refuses to get on a bicycle, it will break out its supply of emergency cartoons ...
Noel Pearson, dissembling and disingenuous misrepresentations, and talk of Arthur Phillip and nothing about the stain of the convict shame the country ignored for generations until it became a cool reverse status symbol.
How much, Polonius might ask if he was around, can a koala bear before there's some relief?
Well, no need for direct relevance, anything for a port in this storm of nattering ...
Yes, that'll do nicely, it has nothing whatsoever to do with Australia Day, and now refreshed and invigorated, the pond can plunge back into the murky nattering Ned's musings ...
Indeed, indeed, the pond can vividly remember its friend Adolf mounting the very same argument as he stormed through Poland and marched past the Arc de Triomphe de l'Éoile ... might does make right, and let us not have any talk of that treaty with the Māori ...
Phew, please allow the pond a little sip of refreshments ...
Now it's back to that matter of the treaty ... and the not minor matter of rescuing those primitive, barbarous people from their mindless stone age oblivion so that in due course they too might be able to read the rich insights of pontificating bloviators from the nattering Ned school of humbug ...
Indeed, indeed, and Noel has come up with a hum-dinger this day, though apparently a little too late for the chief bloviator to get on board ...
Oh yes, the 25th of January, or whatever, because never no mind ...
Shouldn't he just be using his connections with his conservative mates to score more money for his mates?
But the pond digresses, when what it needs is something that refreshes ...
Here's the thing. The pond can't imagine anyone under 30 willing and able to make it through an entire nattering Ned piece.
The task is so pointless and useless it makes running an ultra-marathon seem like an entirely sensible thing to do, if only to score a hearty shot of endomorphins ...
The reptiles print edition circulation continues to decrease and they expect this sort of lengthy tedious exegesis to win the younger demographic?
And there's still another gobbet to go ...
Fuck the pond dead, but please, do it gently, while the pond ruminates on that epic line ...
This is because of the destructive transformation in progressive politics to embrace change based on individual and group rights around sex, gender and race, a combination of tribal and narcissistic imperatives ...
Mindless, meaningless catchphrase gibberish from a master of the art of existential hollowness, no doubt in part due to senility, and a wordsmith moving well past his use-by date and his dotage ... as if somehow so-called 'progressives' were responsible for the narcissistic commander in chief, currently a prime example of how to blather on about group rights ...
How much simpler would it have been if Ned had just scribbled:
"I like Australia Day on January 26th because that's the way my tribe has always wanted it, and sucks boo to anyone who thinks differently ...anyone who reckons it's wrong is just a bullshit artist wanting to have a go at my own precious narcissist navel-gazing brand of Britain-worshipping narcissism ... who knows, the onion muncher might yet return and I still might get a knighthood for my services or at least become a warden of the Cinque ports, being an expert in the blowing of winds ..."
And in that spirit ...
Well all the pond can do is offer a consolation prize for anyone who thinks they arrived in limbo ...
Someone really should update Ned. The reptiles no longer use 'identity politics' in any fashionable sense; 'virtue signalling' is now the only game in town.
ReplyDelete"Mindless, meaningless catchphrase gibberish from a master of the art of existential hollowness..."
ReplyDeleteAah, very well said indeed and not only that but both Nebulous Ned and Dame Slap in full cry on the same day. Truly, I will sink into my daily somnolence this evening with the satisfaction of a trying day well survived.
I would normally only read the first and last sentences of that stuff, but you made it a challenge by talking about Scott. I just read 'South' by Ernest Shackleton, and his trip was even bigger feat of endurance than Scott's. I felt a bit ashamed not to be able even to get through an article by Paul Kelly.
ReplyDeleteSo I had a go, and what I got out of it was that if we change Australia Day next stop is Somalia. Not many people would like that.
"We are fortunate the European power was Britain, not France or Spain". I certainly wouldn't like to be French, but what if the power had been Chinese? You and I and everybody else would have to speak Chinese, a really hard language. We have a lot to be thankful for.
“So I had a go, and what I got out of it was that if we change Australia Day next stop is Somalia. Not many people would like that.”
DeleteSo that's what you got from that tripe? Please tell me you are taking the piss! If not, then I’m sorry NH, but I don't think there is anything of logical or moral consequence to be had from Kelly's vomitous diatribe. His ruminations on what our colonial history might have been are simply racist and you seem to be agreeing with him.
For instance Kelly’s remark "we are fortunate the European power was Britain, not France or Spain", serves no useful purpose in a discussion of Australia’s past. If either of those powers had ultimately colonised this land, us descendants, (“we” that is), wouldn't be of British heritage would we? “We” would be speaking French or Spanish and loving it - not wishing we were of British stock and speaking English, that’s for sure.
You say you wouldn’t like to be French – is that a universal statement or are you speaking purely as non-French Australian glad of their non-French heritage? Either way it’s pretty dire to say you wouldn’t like to be some other nationality without giving reasons why.
Likewise you are thankful the Chinese never claimed this country because “everybody would have to speak Chinese, a really hard language”. Well, if you speak only English then I grant you Chinese is a “really hard” language – but if the Chinese had colonised this land and not the Poms then we’d most probably be speaking Chinese wouldn’t we - and it wouldn’t be hard at all would it? Actually we’d probably look at English as a “really hard” language.
"I don't think there is anything of logical or moral consequence to be had from Kelly's vomitous diatribe"
DeleteI think you pretty much got that right, Kez, but my take on NH was that he was being 'ironic' if not downright sarcastic. However I reckon that unless you actually are French, you don't really need a reason to not want to be French. But if you do, maybe Vietnam, Algeria and New Caledonia would suffice.
Cheers GB. I was aware that NH’s comments may have been tongue in cheek, that’s why I asked if he was taking the piss.
DeleteAnd maybe a good reason to not want to be British would be if you were indigineous to North America, India, Australia or New Zealand – indeed any of the pink bits on those old maps of the British Empire.
Kez,you are right: if we were all Chinese and always had been we would, for example, use chopsticks with ease (although the aborigines could complain about having to learn such a notoriously difficult implement).
DeleteI am more worried about this Enlightenment thing. Wasn't that a French invention? In that case, according to Kelly, Philip was trying to smuggle in French values. Of course, if we were all French, we wouldn't be worried.
Cheers NH, but I don’t think finding chopsticks notoriously difficult to use is limited to aboriginals! :)
DeleteKez, add some sizable parts of sub-Saharan Africa (Kenya, Uganda and "Rhodesia" plus South Africa for a while) and some bits of Asia (Burma, China - Hong Kong anybody ?) and that would just about be right.
DeleteBut of course the French wren't limited to just Vietnam, Algeria and New Caledonia (Quebec anybody ?), there were a whole set of 'super-Sahara' possessions as well as sub-Saharan ones.
But usually the French weren't as bad as the Belgians, at least. Nor as bad as the Portuguese and Spanish in south America, nor as the Spanish followed by the Americans in the Phillipines.
This took me back to those wonderful Bryan Frith columns when an hour or more had to be set aside for the daily 2,500-3,000 word epic. God how I miss him. But Nattering Ned is stepping up to the keyboard, even if he cannot match the sheer magnitude of a BF opus on a daily basis. I can only be critical of NH for failing to follow in Scott's footsteps and make it to within at least 11 pars of the end of this masterpiece. I undertook (and completed) the great expedition myself after a well-known and distinguished journo had pointed to it via Twitter, disagreeing with Ned that there was no need to change the date, but finding solace in his premise that it was time to face our truths. I thank her for her tweet, for otherwise I may well have neglected to wait for my emailed update of Loon Pond, and been so much the poorer, with only Twitter and Dame Slap to keep me company through my post-Aussie Day blues. I'd also been longing for something from Polonius, of course, but perhaps his absence on this day had provided the incentive Ned required to regale us with this epic of his own, which has left us all the richer for it. I eagerly await some sort of encore.
ReplyDeleteWith Frith gone, there's only Terry McRann left - and he's heading up for a half century.
Delete