In which the pond reaches for the steel to deal with the onion muncher and his fickle minions ... or perhaps a mug will suffice ...

The pond usually only deals with the reptiles, but recent events have turned the pond's mind directly to the source of much of the reptile scribbling, the chaos that currently surrounds the government in Canberra.

Informed sources reliably tell the pond that everyone is in as right old tizz, and that Barners is totally and completely out of his depth and that saucy doubts and fears stalk the corridors ...

Sort out the price of milk? Speak sternly to people who write contracts that can retrospectively claw back cash and then offer more loans so farmers can go deeper in debt and complain that the states aren't helping produce a deeper state of indebtedness even more quickly? 

What about making that outrageous form of contract illegal? Sorry, too hard. Deeper debt will do the trick.

And then there's the squeaking and the wailing is something to behold. 

The poodle got it off to a rich start recently by talking about Dickens, which almost got the pond to the point of doing a Croc Dundee, and getting out the old illustrations, so it could be said "that's not Dickensian, this is Dickensian."

Breathtaking, malicious? Oh spare the pond the gaiety and the laugher. Allow a few breaths amongst the chortles ...

Given the poodle's track record in these matters, it's exceptionally rich, and if you want the links and more, you can head off to the ABC's story here.

And now the reptiles have noticed the remorse and the contrition and the yowling ...

It reminded the pond of another British saying, more recent than Dickensian ...

There's a couple of things here. 

Suddenly the onion muncher thinks a little remorse and contrition and a few second thoughts, and all will be forgiven and everything will be alright, and he can posture and strut around as the flag-flier for reform? Because we've all got memories that don't go back a year or two? When even the pond can stretch back a decade before things go really dim ...

Well  the onion muncher taught the pond to hate in a way that the pond never imagined possible, and strangely the hate bobs up every time Abbott bobs up and reminds the pond of what an abomination his time in opposition was for the country's politics. 

A new and gentle polity? Where's the steel Lance Corporal Jones? The pond feels like a good sticking.

And then there's the moping and the sighing and the asking 'where's the humanity?'

Any thoughts on how to help Private Fraser?

Thank you private, that's cleared the path to the final reptile gobbet ...

Now don't ask where these sensitive flowers were during those days, with their touchy feel claptrap about having moved on, like we're in some kind of flower power therapy session.

The pond remembers where it was ... vividly ...

Dear sweet long absent lord. The shock to the system is reading such tosh, and remembering the knighthoods. So much for a loathing of titles ...

The pond feels nauseous. You can google the rest if you like, and you want to be reminded of what a wretch Paul "Ned" Kelly was and is, what a creeping, crawling unctuous, oily, ingratiating scribbler, what a toady and a lackey ...

As we're back with Dickens, Uriah Heep, with bonus knuckle cracking, comes to mind.

As for those who never muttered a peep while it was all going down, and travelled along for the ride, or in the case of the poodle, actively joined in the sport, as they used to say in Tamworth, FFS, harden the fuck up. 

You made the bed, you actively poisoned the national life with hyper-partisanship, and this very day the Murdochians are full of their usual hyper-partisanship, and still yearning for the return of their hard man onion muncher ... and yet now you want it to go away, and live the easy life?

While there in your midst, the fomenter still sits, within the house, smirking and fermenting fresh mischief, and encouraged in his mission by the toady reptiles of yore.

Will the reptiles ever give the onion muncher his proper, well-earned retirement present?

Not likely ...