In which the pond indulges in an epic double bunger bout of jelly wrestling with Ned and Donnelly ...

How on earth did the pond imagine that Tuesday was the best of all days of the reptile week, just because a doddery Caterist turns up to cash in his taxpayer grant ...?

It turns out that Wednesday is clearly the best day of all ...

Look, ho, there's a Ned Kelly and in another giant-size pond double bunger edition, a Donnelly, a prize far better than a Bellamy, and that's before the pond even begins to disinter Dame Slap worshipping at the feet of wise bankers ...

Is not Wednesday the most balanced, the most giving day of the week? 

Let us observe its first offering with due reverence ...

Now the pond routinely experiences singular amusement, or perhaps bemusement laced with contempt, whenever Ned delivers one of his epic admonishments, all the more so in this case because he has remarkable form ...

Waiter, a ripple dissolve if you please, and let us step into the time machine ...

Yes, there was Ned, spreading befuddlement and confusion and wringing his hands only a year ago - masochists can google for more - and now waiter, if you please, another ripple dissolve so we can return to his current hand-wringing ...

And speaking of hypocrisy, and the hand-wringing about playing politics with same-sex marriage, waiter, even though it's a stylistic cliché and much over-used, the pond must really insist on yet another ripple dissolve, and an elegant device ...

Yes, it's back to the future ...

And so on and so forth - gluttons for punishment can google much more - and now it's time for the final gobbet from this master of turkey gobbling ...

Now the pond can hear the pleading and the sighing, and see people all around dropping like flies, as Ned promises a plebiscite that is bitter, wild and unpredictable - because that is surely the result of his demand that things be sorted out when a plebiscite has only the potential for a straightforward yes or no answer ...

But steady, steady, stout-hearted folk, the pond must insist on moving on to another blowhard, a prime example of why the plebiscite will indeed be bitter, wild and unpredictable ...

Yes, it isn't just the the Oz reptiles who sound like scribblers with The Catholic Boys' Daily (the pond is deeply in debt to Gadfly for the concept),  the Terrorists also do their bit for blood and flesh munchers ...

Indeed, indeed. It's about this point where the pond must shove a plum down the throat and make a speech:

Let's face it, they're better off doing the beats in the park toilets. You know, a fluid blow job here, a transient fuck there. 

Why with any luck, they'll do a Joe Orton and someone will get out the hammer and that'll be the end of it ... 

We all know they're a fickle, difficult bunch. Flighty, perverse. You know, they're so ... well they're so gay ... 

There's no other way to say it, so the last thing they need is to settle down in some long-term monogamous relationship like a Donald Trump, who surely symbolises all that's good and solid about the purely heterosexual institution of marriage ...

And so on and so forth. There's such a world of deadly condescension and bigotry in just that little sentence "it's clear that a large number of LGBTI people prefer a more fluid and transient lifestyle."

As if it's not clear that some heterosexuals like multiple marriages and random zipperless fucks ...

Hey ho, on we go ...

There really is nothing like a bigot at work, is there, when really other recent polls might have been referenced ...

But there's no point in talking about that sort of story, when the entire point is to speak in tongues, dog whistle and demean and spread FUD ...

In the usual way of befuddlement and bullshit artistry, the pond just had to pause on that 97% figure. 

Amazingly it was the AWW that provided a tidy little commentary on that sort of horseshit, which over the decades has helped keep a lot of people in the closet ...

But the actual number isn't the point. It's the demeaning and the denigrating and the denying that's the point, and the keeping of teh gays on teh toilet beat where they surely belong ...

Sure enough, right out of the blocks in the comments section below came exactly the sort of comment that Donnelly had been trolling for ...

And so on and so forth. 

It will be an ugly debate, because scratch the surface, and Australia is inclined to be an ugly as well as a lucky country ... which is why you find the poor old Kiwis and the South Sudanese getting a bit agitated ...

No doubt it's due in no small part to the relentless followers of Roman Catholic bigotry as practised by the lumpenproletariat Irish who turned up looking for a new life ...

Oh wait, the pond can't blame it all on the Irish. 

The Irish have shown a damn sight more class than the Donnellys of the world.

Dammit, at last a reason for the pond to celebrate its Irish genes ...

Guess it must just be the blood sippers and flesh munchers ... 

And after it all, after the Ned and the Donnelly, the pond felt somehow as if it had got covered in jelly or slime, as evoked by this fine Rowe cartoon, and more excellent Rowe here ...