Every so often the pond feels like putting hands over ears and chanting something, anything, to block out the noise. Nah, nah, yah yah, ommm, whatever.
It usually happens when confronted by a block of crusaders at The Australian, expending tremendous energy on the gender wars (while assuring the world that the gender wars are a serious distraction to serious matters).
Here you go, no links, just a screen cap of the crusaders in action. Explore at your own peril, the pond assumes no liability or responsibility:
There you are, and nah nah, yah yah, and while I think of it, ommmm ...
But there has been one delightful distraction arising from recent affairs and no, we're not talking about the Daily Terror's vigilant campaign against online trolling.
Instead we turn to the Daily Terror reporting on one Cathy Stoner, wife of the NSW Deputy Premier, twittering with some vigour on Rob Oakeshott, as reported in Wife of NSW Depute Premier busted Twitter trolling, attacking US Michelle Obama's religious beliefs:
"Rob, you have had every opportunity to make good choices, right choices, moral choices. We supported you, you know''. "You have abused the trust of all who supported you and your constituents. You were put there for a reason. God will not be mocked.''
Nothing wrong there. God will certainly not be mocked, She takes a view on many things. Including Michelle Obama:
Mrs Stoner went on to question Mrs Obama's membership of a pro-choice US political group for women at the same time she prays to God. "How does Michelle Obama, who is a member of Emily's List, say God Bless and mean it...,'' she tweeted.
Nothing wrong there, God bless us, every one, including Tim and his crutch, but certainly not God bless deviant atheists, perverts and filthy despicable people who worship the wrong god - yes, you, you're the one we mean.
You know you've called it wrong, don't you? If She isn't harsh and unforgiving, why you've entirely missed the point.
So far so good, but here's the catch, as we come to Rob Oakeshott's reported response:
"When people associated with high office in Australia and the trade and investment portfolios in NSW, start trolling the first lady of the United States, the debate in Australia has gone off the page,'' Mr Oakeshott said. "I don't know whether she truly believes that god doesn't like Michelle Obama or me but I look forward to her explanation.''
god? That's god, without a capital "G". Here no God, no God here. It's 'God' to Mrs Stoner, but it's 'god' to Rob Oakeshott, or so the Daily Terror says.
Why, they've nailed the deviant pervert, and his godless ways. He can talk all he likes about the conversation going off the page, but She will be watching him, the 'godless one' closely from now on ...
Apparently the twitter account is now gone, gone, gone, but all the rags have had a go at it. The lizard Oz repeated the Daily Terror story verbatim, with Oakeshott mouthing the lower case "g" for god, while the granny Herald thought it worth a splash with Deputy Premier's wife gives Oakeshott both barrels for Slipper vote:
Wait a second, the pond feels like joining in. Nah, nah, yah, yah, oh yes, and ommmm ...
Meanwhile, let's segue over to stout-hearted one-time-Tamworth lad Barnaby Joyce for a fresh voice:
Oh Barners, Barners, what a national treasure you are. And they say nothing good ever came out of Tamworth, yet here you are ... and thanks to a reader, we now know there you go, writing for the national rag:
So now after vouching via their vote for Peter Slipper to be speaker it took Peter Slipper himself to inform them on the weight of evidence he was not fit for the role. Labor looks foolish and totally hypocritical considering all of their protesting on misogyny. Gillard showed a lack of judgement appointing him and then twice as much not getting rid of him. (here)
Indeed. And now that they've got rid of this completely unfit wretch, this man who conjures up the very worst adjectives and adverbs, this stench-laden texter, this useless obnoxious barnacle, why he's fit to vote with the coalition any time he feels like it, because it seems he's not such a bad fellow after all ...
Total hypocrisy?
Pardon the pond a moment, nah nah, yar yah, and oh yes, let's not forget the ommmmmm....
All this barely leaves enough time to reprimand politely David Penberthy, getting down amongst it in Total weirdness is more of an issue than the c-word.
Penberthy tells a nice anecdote against himself, the Daily Terror, Paul Keating and French clocks, which inevitably results in Keating delivering a spray about "cunts".
The point that Penberthy misses is that "cunt" as a term of abuse might well be common amongst men, but it should require a special license from women, in much the same way as no white male in the United States would use the word "nigger" without an awareness of audience.
The pond once worked for a woman who liberally used the word in selected audiences for its power, its impact and the notoriety it gave her.
But it's one thing to start off an article on Naomi Wolf in the learned journal The New York Review of Books with a quote from Germaine Greer, as Zoë Heller does in Pride and Prejudice:
Lady, love your cunt.
And quite another for a man to deliver the funny, clever, witty smack-down that Heller delivers to Wolf. There are some swamps men should avoid ...
And that's partly the problem Gillard has faced in recent days. Just as in the United States, Barack Obama has kept on treading carefully because no-one likes to see an angry black man at the helm, so the commentariat has been startled to see an angry woman - quite possibly a feminist - at the helm.
Eeek. An angry feminist.
The macho press gallery and commentariat has reacted accordingly. It's only a game, why is she so upset about being called a bitch and a witch?
After all it's only Methodist fussiness, says Penbo, that would see anyone object to Keating delivering a spray laced with "fucking" and "cunts".
The irony? The Punch, in its Methodist prissiness, supplies the words as "f*****g" and "c***s".
Will there ever be sensible, intelligent, lengthy discourse in the Australian media, sorting out the differences between trivial matters like swearing, and institutional discrimination against women and casual offensive attacks on Julia Gillard designed to degrade her capacity and abilities purely on the basis of her sex? Probably not ...
I blame it all on Tony Abbott, who still hasn't fixed my bike's puncture.
Finally, a reader thoughtfully provided a link to a compelling post by Benc Jenkins, which has taken off like wildfire on Twitter and Facebook. So here you go, one click and you're there: An Apology To Paul Sheehan.
You have to admire anyone willing to apologise to Paul Sheehan.
Speaking of Paul Keating, one of the few men in politics ever to acknowledge an interest in classical music, the pond yesterday dropped in on the SSO performing Dvorak's Cello Concerto (soloist Jian Wang) and Shostakovich's 10th.
The demographic somehow reminded the pond of a profusion of white lilies, but how great it was. Vladimir Ashkenazy is a national treasure, sadly soon to leave our shores, and while the Dvorak was impeccable, it was hearing the band do the 10th that made 57 minutes fly past in a heart beat.
Happily it was recorded and hopefully it will turn up on ABC FM if you missed last night's airing. There's been a lot of idle chatter about the way Vasily Petrenko has been doing over Shostakovich (available on Naxos) but nothing beats the gut thump of a big band in the flesh in real Russian heat. Call that sexist if you like ...
It's sometimes worth remembering there's more to life than twits twittering and the commentariat scribbling and the routine abuse that gets flung around because actual sensible discussions are too difficult. Sinking into that swamp can occasionally be confused with the real world, and lives being lived and people doing useful inspirational things ...
(Below: oh wait, in a single image, Cathy Wilcox gets the contradictions and incoherence. Read more cartoons, and fewer columns, and She will help you see the world without the benefit of twits tweeting).
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