Ross Cameron, and a standard mouthing of imperial Christian platitudes for the Xmas season ...

(Above: a rich fantasy life for Xmas. Me on the left as the fighting 'roo, Ross Cameron on the right, and shortly we turn the match into a bout of kick boxing).

Normally it's left to the likes of the Pellist or Jensenist heresies to trot out the standard pieties of the Xian message as Xmas approaches.

However Ross Cameron has decided on an early pre-emptive strike, and with it produced the kind of snidery, which is appropriately Christian, in his epic effort Christmas message holds true:

Beyond the Jewish scriptures, to which Jesus gave a megaphone, no-one cared about those on the margins. Jesus establishes the sublime idea that everyone matters.

Today that single thought has transformed our sense of what it means to be human. Major political parties of the earth, whether left, centrist or right wing (with the possible exception of the Greens) agree the welfare of the whole human race is our common goal.

With the possible exception of the Greens? Presumably that's an attempt at rapier-like wit, a jolly joke amongst Liberal chums, and of course if you take it the wrong way, you lack a sensa huma - in much the same way as the school bully is always astonished and upset when you object to his or her bullying, because after all they favoured you with their bullying.

And where's the harm in the splendid way a benevolent Ross Cameron has favoured us with his cleverness? You see, as an all embracing statement of the vast encompassing benevolence of Christianity, and its concern for the welfare of the whole human race as a common goal, with the possible exception of the Greens, it's as clever dick and knee and thigh slapping display of wonderful Xian humour as anyone could manage in the race towards the exchange of pagan presents under the pagan pine or plastic Xmas tree.

With a dash of good luck, if Jesus were to return - I know, I know, an unlikely scenario and a constant frustration for end of timers - I like to think that he'd display a concern for the welfare of the whole human race, with the possible exception of Ross Cameron, Jensen and Pell.

The rest of the tosh penned by Cameron is the usual Christian hegemonic zealotry. He manages an impeccably appropriate, if standard, megalomaniac paranoid tone, alone with a crusading imperial zeal, with the emphasis on conversion and triumph. Exaltation and victory at the name of the game:

We are left to ponder how one year in the life of a seeming nobody could transform the Roman Empire and the entire planet. The reason for the triumph of this nobody is to be found in his first recorded words. "Blessed are the meek for they shall inherit the earth." Jesus is specially kind to the weak and the outcast - to women, the poor, children, a madman in chains and a hated tax collector.

Even a madman in chains and a hated tax collector! Yep, with the possible exception of the Green in chains and the Green tax collector.

As usual, this from a religion which makes up a third or so of the world's 6 billion plus population. The only way that Christ gets into a bare fifty per cent plus majority is by throwing in the billion or so Muslims who regard him as a prophet or messenger, but not the son of god. Yep, the enemy is handy when it comes to a head count.

That leaves three billion or so people outside the net, but hey if you're going to speak for everyone, you have to lay claim to the world:

Within a century, a majority of Romans were Christian. By AD1000, Europe was Christian. By AD2000, five out of six inhabited continents are majority-Christian. The passing of 2000 years from Jesus's death in 2033 will be the biggest anniversary of the 21st century.

Notice the neatly devious imperial phrasing. Five out of six inhabited continents are majority-Christian! And the Easter chocolate parade of 2033 will be the biggest bash of the twenty first century. Take that you unbelievers, because might is right.

Now how about some specious tosh claiming moral superiority, say on the question of slavery, as well-off Americans sit down to tuck into a hearty Xmas meal with the help of their illegal Hispanic servants?

In the pre-Jesus record, in virtually every human society, vast faceless classes of people were less valued than domestic animals. The world's second-greatest philosopher, Aristotle, while writing the 101 course of every academic discipline, fervently endorsed the keeping of slaves as natural and desirable to good order.

And so did the literal truth about everything, the Bible:

When a man strikes his male or female slave with a rod so hard that the slave dies under his hand, he shall be punished. If, however, the slave survives for a day or two, he is not to be punished, since the slave is his own property.

Sounds fair, and there's a lot more jolly good guidance. Oh yes, sock it to 'em evil bible, as you speak of Slavery in the Bible. Think Christ is somehow exempt?

Slaves, obey your earthly masters with deep respect and fear. Serve them sincerely as you would serve Christ. (Ephesians 6:5 NLT)

Christians who are slaves should give their masters full respect so that the name of God and his teaching will not be shamed. If your master is a Christian, that is no excuse for being disrespectful. You should work all the harder because you are helping another believer by your efforts. Teach these truths, Timothy, and encourage everyone to obey them. (1 Timothy 6:1-2 NLT)

Even Christ had a good word for punishing the servant who knew his duty but refused to do it. Never mind, when re-writing history, make sure it's a comprehensive re-write:

Slavery continued for centuries after Jesus but the impulse to end it was Christian. Beyond the Jewish scriptures, to which Jesus gave a megaphone, no-one cared about those on the margins. Jesus establishes the sublime idea that everyone matters.

Everyone matters? With the possible exception of the Greens of course.

But notice the standard Euro, Anglo centric discourse. The world's second-greatest philosopher naturally happens to be Aristotle, and he was wrong about slavery. Yep, forget about foreign sages, with funny sounding names, like Confucius or the Buddha.

And ain't it funny how the Christians in the south managed to embrace the idea of Christianity and slavery. And Lincoln was an atheist.

Whatever. My own hope is that at some point Ross Cameron embraces all of Christ's message:

For there are eunuchs, that were so born from their mother's womb: and there are eunuchs, that were made eunuchs by men: and there are eunuchs, that made themselves eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven's sake. He that is able to receive it, let him receive it.

Now you might want to marvel at the unremitting tendency of Christianity to force conversions and promote warfare. While the Crusades are often cited as the major example, it's usually forgotten that most of the major combatants in world wars 1 and 11 thought that they had god on their side. But as always around Christmas time - while Australia is currently participating in a war - the gibberish about pacifism is what rises to the surface like a particularly scummy cream, along with a paranoid recollection of past persecutions as a way of excusing current pogroms:

Despite Christian pacifism, the Romans rightly perceived a threat.

Christian pacifism! Like the Jesuits in America? Pray do go on:

For three centuries, the persecutions continued, including the spectacle of hundreds torn apart by wild beasts in a stadium artfully designed for the purpose and for the pleasure of cheering Roman spectators. Before the slaughter began, each Christian was invited to recant and survive by admitting "Caesar is god". Few accepted the deal and the purity of their devotion, and the invention of charity in AD200, drew wide admiration.

Oh the poor persecuted Christians and yet they came good ... with the invention of charity in AD200. Oh I know he's joking, and everybody, with the possible exception of the Greens, will understand the joke, but why do I suddenly feel like cheering on the Romans, and wanting the slaughter to begin? Still, it's with some regret that I tuck the notion of Carità Romana back in to the drawer, and along with it all the works of art it inspired.

I guess when someone writes an offensively in your face, up you, Christian message of pacifism, paranoia and persecution, there's a natural human desire to tell the offender to get fucked and bugger off. But we're not like that on this site. Sure, we could bore you with tales of the people who suffered at the hands of the Inquisition and other examples of Christian charity at work, an easy match for the Romans, but you know them already, so let's wrap up Cameron's gibberish, and his imperial colonial missionary zealot tendencies, as we study the implications of Christ rising from the dead:

Whatever happened, something did, and the mystery surrounding its founder's death threw kero on the flickering wick of the fledgling movement. Roman historical sources confirm that within 30 years, there was a thriving Christian presence in Rome and in most Mediterranean cities. By the mid-50s AD, St Paul is expressing a desire to visit the Christians in distant Spain.

Whatever happened, something did? Why for a goose that's as good and goose-like an explanation of the risen Christ as I've read in the last century ... and the present one.

Let us ponder Christianity as a kind of kerosene poured on the suffering human race, and someone lighting a wick which has flickered ever since. Yep, it's been a splendid bonfire of the vanities, and now, when thinking doubtful thoughts, I just have to remember the ultimate deep explanation, way better than Aristotle 101: whatever happened, something did. The world is saved, with the possible exception of the Greens.

And now to the pious wrap:

From whatever perspective we come, thinking people ought to be able to agree, the birth of Jesus was a good day for mankind.

Well yes, a good day for mankind, but who knows about person or womankind. And of course with the possible exception of the Greens.

I suspect I may never quite shake the childlike hunch that there is some uniquely divine imprint on the central individual of the human story. Happy Birthday, Jesus.

A childlike hunch? Well the piece read like it was written by a ten year old with a potted force-fed understanding of history from the perspective of a fundie bible belter, but why the half-hearted equivocation at the end? I suspect I may never quite shake? WTF? Surely the goose couldn't be suggesting that you need to be a child to have a childlike hunch that there's something uniquely divine about Jesus? And that he might not be able to shake off this foolish childlike hunch because he still thinks and speaks as a child, and is incapable of putting away childish thoughts?

Never mind. There's much more in the piece, but only of the standard pious platitudinous kind, with lashings of mindless stupidity:

Jesus is easily the most influential person in history, and the most universally loved. Ahmadinejad, Bin Laden, Bush, Cheney, Churchill, the Dalai Lama, Gandhi, Hitler, Falwell, Lennon, Mother Teresa, Mandela, Netanyahu and Obama are all on the record as admirers.

But not of course the Greens. And having Hitler and Bin Laden as admirers is a plus? Spare my days, if having Hitler as an admirer qualifies you for being the most influential and universally loved figure in history, count me out. Let's not even get started on that illegal Kenyan who's stolen the presidency of the United States, and refuses to produce a birth certificate, but remains a devout Muslim - or so I'm told by the loons on the pond - or the pieties of Benjamin Netanyahu, who for some bizarre and strange reason still hasn't converted to Christianity, even though he's on record as admiring Christ for his track record with Palestinians.

Yep, it's the kind of deep thinking you expect of a blabbermouth, and Cameron is a one of a kind blabbermouth who runs off at the mouth with a huge amount of blather.

So instead let's cross cultures for a different perspective and final thoughts:

A university student while visiting Gasan asked him: "Have you ever read the Christian Bible?"

"No, read it to me," said Gasan.

The student opened the Bible and read from St. Matthew: "And why take ye thought for rainment? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow. They toil not, neither do they spin, and yet I say unto you that even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these... Take therefore no thought for the morrow, for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself."

Gasan said: "Whoever uttered those words I consider an enlightened man."

The student continued reading: "Ask and it shall be given you, seek and ye shall find, knock and it shall be opened unto you. For everyone that asketh receiveth, and he that seeketh findeth, and to him that knocketh, it shall be opened."

Gasan remarked: "That is excellent. Whoever said that is not far from Buddhahood."

Not far! With the possible exception of the Greens. And Ross Cameron.

Ah well, let's have have an alternative thought for this Xmas, in the shape of Buddha's koan:

Buddha said: "I consider the positions of kings and rulers as that of dust motes. I observe treasures of gold and gems as so many bricks and pebbles. I look upon the finest silken robes as tattered rags. I see myriad worlds of the universe as small seeds of fruit, and the greatest lake in India as a drop of oil on my foot. I perceive the teachings of the world to be the illusion of magicians. I discern the highest conception of emancipation as a golden brocade in a dream, and view the holy path of the illuminated ones as flowers appearing in one's eyes. I see meditation as a pillar of a mountain, Nirvana as a nightmare of daytime. I look upon the judgment of right and wrong as the serpentine dance of a dragon, and the rise and fall of beliefs as but traces left by the four seasons."

Could the Buddha have been thinking of the scribbling of Ross Cameron? I like to think so ...

And a happy war on Christmas to everyone, with the possible exception of the Greens ... and certainly Ross Cameron ...

(Below: yep, a happy holy day for all, but make sure you keep up the pagan symbolism).