Kristina Keneally, and the Joan Kirner scientific theory of cosmic disaster confirmed ...

In other news yesterday, the NSW Labor party did its best to confirm a scientific theory widely known as the Joan Kirner theory of cosmic inevitability and disaster.

The theory holds that the Labor party only appoints a woman to the leadership when an electoral disaster is at hand and a patsy, a bunny staring into the headlights, is required.

The theory is named after Joan Kirner, who became 42nd Premier of Victoria in August 1990, and who held the job for two years before leading the party to a landslide election defeat (here). Kirner is now fondly remembered for her many social and cultural initiatives, comprehensively summarised by her performance of Joan Jett's I Love Rock 'N Roll in The Late Show. Tradition now requires this song to be sung on the dance floor of any passing Titanic as it steams towards an iceberg. Think of NSW as the Titanic, think of the Labor party as not so much an iceberg as a fully detached Antarctic ice sheet.

Carmen Lawrence first provided evidence of the theory when she replaced Peter Dowding as Premier in Western Australia in February 1990 (here), but at the time many scientists confused the phenomenon with the black hole theory of WA politics, consistent with Brian Burke's demonstration of the way ethics and principles could be packed into a space so small and dense that no light or money could escape.

Scientific sceptics still didn't believe the theory fully, even after Kirner demonstrated it was intrinsically sound and true, and in much the same way as conspiracy theories gained ground amongst climate change sceptics, they pointed to the ascendancy of Anna Bligh in Queensland (here) as a clear exception. And after winning the election in March 2009, Bligh seemed to demonstrate convincingly that the Kirner theory was another eccentric implausible piece of boffinry without plausible physical proof.

However recent news from Queensland suggests that the election result might only have been a temporary aberration, a one off variant due to the influence of magnetic spheres and particles in the deep north, and that the exception might yet prove the rule:

Anna Bligh has earned the inauspicious title of the least popular premier in the past 20 years as she fails to resurrect support for her beleaguered Government.

As Labor last night celebrated the anniversary of the Goss government's historic 1989 election victory, a new Galaxy Poll has revealed the perilous state of the party on several fronts.

The poll, done exclusively for The Courier-Mail, found Queenslanders rated Ms Bligh last among the four premiers who had served the state in the past 20 years. (here).

Which brings us back to the commendable effort by NSW Labor to confirm the theory by electing hapless wretched puppet Kristina Keneally to the top job (Meet 'nobody's puppet, nobody's girl).

Who knows if she'll even make it to the next fixed election date for NSW, held on the fourth Saturday in March every four years, and scheduled for 2011 (here). Either way, surely the Kirner theory will be definitively proven. The only question is whether Keneally will cement her place in history with a definitive set of social and economic policies, by singing AC/DC's It's a Long Way to the Top if You Want to Rock 'n Roll. Any actual alteration of the state of NSW for the better would of course undermine the Kirner theory, but as that's only possible in a bizarro world of the fifth dimension, it can be safely ruled out.

Now some pundits have taken exception to the profound cynicism of NSW powerbrokers, seemingly incapable of understanding that these men are simply scientists exploring the truth of a theory which still boasts a few doubters. Take Andrew Clennell in Eddie and Joe try a different dummy:

The choice of Kristina Keneally as Premier shapes as a disaster waiting to happen.

But that's the whole point, you goose. How else can the Kirner theory be conclusively proven? Clennell even mis-states the theory:

It seems Keneally's only saving grace might be that voters will feel it is about time the state had a female premier. It helped Labor from more politically embarrassing results in Western Australia and Victoria when Carmen Lawrence and Joan Kirner became premiers.

Um Andrew, Kirner was given a hiding, as the theory predicted. And Lawrence eventually fled the state to take up refuge in Canberra in the house of reps.

But he's right about one thing:

This week has been a schemozzle. It made the federal Liberal stoush look almost tame by comparison, with so many candidates - Eric Roozendaal, John Della Bosca etc throwing their hats in the ring and with Rees dumping a huge bucket on Keneally on his way out. The scene of MPs swapping offices to find an ''anyone-but-Rees'' candidate was embarrassing.

''It is what it is,'' one senior MP said when questioned about how wise it was to go with Keneally. As one senior Labor figure said: ''The lunatics are in charge.''

Ah yes, we love the loonatics here at loon pond. But Andrew ruins the point he's making with this:

What is the point of the change? It is not about getting more experience in the ranks, it is not about cleaning up the Government. It seems more about vengeance.

D'oh. It's about the science. Think of Eddie Obeid and Joe Tripodi in white coats and the citizens of NSW as rats and mice trapped in a vast laboratory exposed to as many malignant cock ups and chemicals as the mad scientists can manage, and then you can see how Keneally is just the latest experiment.

This site's favourite, bubble headed Tory Maguire, finally gets something right - NSW's first woman premier - a defeat for feminism.

But naturally she didn't understand that being a puppet is crucial to the Kirner theory proof, so there's no worry there.

Whoever wrote the header for Imre Salusinszky's piece Right woman for the job should on the other hand be shot, or garotted. Right woman for the theory, yes, but there's not a whit or jot of evidence in the piece that Keneally is the right person for the job. On the other hand, given the pack of clowns in NSW Labor, there's no evidence that any of them are suited for a job outside the circus.

No, you have to turn to Natasha Robinson and Drew Warne-Smith in The Australian to get an inkling of people who understand the theory, with Dying Labor turns to a new heroine:

Kristina Keneally has become the first female premier of NSW, but like previous women premiers in other states, she has inherited a government in decline.

Ms Keneally, 40, joins Carmen Lawrence in Western Australia, Anna Bligh in Queensland and Victorian Joan Kirner as the only women to take the top job in state governments ...

...following in the footsteps of Dr Lawrence and Ms Kirner, Ms Keneally has been handed a poisoned chalice premiership.

Dr Lawrence succeeded Peter Dowding as premier of Western Australia in 1990 after he was forced to resign.

Ms Kirner was elected Labor leader in Victoria by her colleagues in 1990 after the collapse of John Cain's political support brought about his demise. But Ms Keneally dismissed suggestions she was a "lamb to the slaughter" facing the same feat of Dr Lawrence and Ms Kirner. She said she would not be "the last woman standing".

Ms Bligh was the only female premier elected in her own right at an election, this year, but she was handed the premiership following the resignation of Peter Beattie in 2007 when Queensland's finances were about to take a severe hit.

Well done and said. As good a succinct statement of a scientific theory as needed, and surely it should be taught in secondary schools as a warning to girls that some day too they will be expected to make the ultimate sacrifice by male powerbrokers. Women as the fall guys. Has it ever been any different since god and Adam set Eve up as the patsy in the first roll out of the blame game?

Sure Robinson and Warne-Smith try to muddy the water by also mentioning Rosemary Follett (here) in stating the theory, but the idea that the ACT is a government, as opposed to a very large council, is a matter still under review. And anyway, Follett was in and out of power so often in the ACT, she also demonstrates the theory in action.

So there you have it. Another day as a mouse in a laboratory run by mad scientists, and two years away from any relief. There's talk of Malcolm Turnbull being parachuted in to save us all, but really the mice of NSW would settle for Krusty the Clown, or Herschel Shmoikel Pinchas Yerucham Krustofsk to his friends, who back in the old days started out as a Jewish comedian, and then, perhaps surprisingly, stayed a Jewish comedian:

Krusty: Uh-huh. Charity, eh? What's my cut? Nothing? I make more than that takin' a "schwitz."
Jay Leno: He seems reluctant.
Bart: Tell him it will count towards his community service.
Krusty: Uh-huh. Uh-huh. All right, I'll do it. [groans] Boy, swipe one pair of Haggar slacks and you're payin' for it the rest of your life.

Golly, vote once for Labor and you're payin' for it for the rest of your life.