Friday, August 12, 2016

In which the pond makes a rare visit to a special treat, a reptile sporting Wally World ...yes, it's a TGIF outing ...

Oh that's looking a little battered, poor thing ...

And so to business and the pond's fervent hope that it could get through unscathed and make sure the pond's proud boast of being an Olympics-free zone would come to pass.

Snowball's chance in limbo really, because along came a Wally ...

Oh no, Wally, no, no, say it ain't so ...

But yes, in the great tradition of right royal Wallies, who have made such a significant contribution to Australian music, journalism and sport, this Wally was on a proudly patriotic roll, and never mind that the bromancer immediately had to be nimble on his feet and deplore any hint of Hansonist xenophobia ...

Xenophobic populism or the bromancer? Let us all sing Retreat Chinese Spies and do dinkum Australian Steaks Rare? The pond merely reports and others decide ...

Back to the right royal Wally singing his heart out in pained sorrow up there with the hapless bird impaled on the rose in that Oscar Wilde story...

Yes, there's a right royal Wally at work ... probably the sort of Wally who would cringe and flinch at this sort of display ...

... but enthusiastically endorse the sort of carry-on of nation states that at one time might have led the pond into a heap of Godwin's Law swear jar fines ...

Of course along with Wally,  the pond resolutely refuses to join Sandy McDonald, who back in 2001 achieved a certain form of immortality by noting that the song is so boring that the nation risks singing itself to sleep, with boring music and words impossible to understand (wiki that old girt here).

Now for a confession. It just so happens that on public occasions the pond has memorised the words for Advance Australia Fair and sings along heartily ...

And if that verse doesn't work for you, there's always verses 3 and 4:

Oh it brings a tear to the eye of the pond every time ...

Say what? We get a song, and the Kiwis get God defending them? How did they get Her to do that, why did She agree?

And it was about there that the pond thought the matter had ended.

A jolly jape amongst chums, say no more, the pond forced to mention the Olympics, score a gold to the reptiles and the pond out of a place, and hey ho, on we go ... and then the wretched reptiles doubled down and backed up the right royal Wally with the official imprimatur of an editorial ...

Oh no, it was time for another personal confession.

You see, the pond has nothing against singing certain anthems.

Whenever the new Subaru commercial campaign comes on and Lou Reed, diluted and fucked over, wafts through the air, the pond immediately begins singing the lyrics ...

Holly came from Miami F.L.A. 
Hitch-hiked her way across the U.S.A. 
Plucked her eyebrows on the way 
Shaved her legs and then he was a she 
She said, hey babe, take a walk on the wild side, 
Said, hey honey, take a walk on the wild side. 
Candy came from out on the island, 
In the backroom she was everybody's darling, 
But she never lost her head 
Even when she was giving head 
She sayes, hey baby, take a walk on the wild side 
Said, hey babe, take a walk on the wild side 
And the colored girls go, 
 Doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo

Well who couldn't move a car, even without the Trucoat, if a TG blow job was thrown in as an extra, even if you have to pay and pay? Now that's a repositioning in the grand style ...

And the pond will always sing along to Waltzing Matilda

What's not to like about stealing jumbucks and suicide by waterhole drowning?

It's the Australian way ...

Actually, when the pond got to reading the reptile editorial it was mercifully brief, a kind of mumbled, sotto voce support for the Wallies of the World ...

Pathetic really, but if the reptiles really want to be like the United States, with its rampant flag-waving, and its jingoism and its associated Trumpism, why don't they just piss off and see if they can get a green card. Maybe the chairman will help them ...

As for the rest, the pond is ready to join in the surge of simple-minded patriotic Hansonist Wallyworld nonsense ... oh okay they spell it slightly differently over there ...

Never mind, the pond has a fair idea where flag waving and song singing leads ...

Sons and Daughters? They were already working on titles for TV soaps?


  1. Yes, Advance Australia Fair is truly appalling, isn't it. The kind of rubbish we'd have rejected in kindergarten.

    The Star Spangled Banner, as we know, is one of those historically arisen, multi-national efforts: words by an American, music by a Britain for a 'popular' rendition that was well known and preceded the SSB.

    But what did we do in Oz ? Rejected the informal 'nasho' about jolly jumbucks and jumping into billabongs in favour of a "land girt by sea". Sheesh. Written by an immigrated Scotsman, of course, and partaking of all the dour dreariness of that unfortunate tribe.

  2. Jeez, as if we don't have enough to be going on with...

    I don't care if peeps sing the anthem or not but if we get to the stage where we are held to account for not having hand on heart during it's playing, I'm moving out.

  3. It must be a pretty slow day at the herpetarium if _that's_ all the reptiles can find to be outraged about today.

    And yeah, we all know that Americans will sing along to the SSB, hands on hearts and looking sincere or blubbing, at any opportunity. So what? I find it over the top and faintly ridiculous.

  4. The cover of the second song sheet is interesting, Dot. You'll note that the flag on the left isn't the one they flaunt behind our gold medal winners. In fact, it's one of the ten optional Australian flags (all official) that we can choose from...

  5. Im glad we have a shit national anthem no one can remember. The mumbling along fits us perfectly

    1. Well that sure made me laugh out loud. Soo true!

  6. I can't criticise an Olympian for not singing the anthem. I don't know it either. I learnt a different one, god save someone or other.

  7. Personally, I make a point of singing along with Das Deutschlandlied, when it pops up. I don't know the words to the third verse, which currently make up the National Anthem, so I just stick to the first verse, which used to be the anthem, back in the good old days - you know "German German overalls" and all that.

    The Russian anthem is a wheeze of a singalong too. But again, I'm a bit old school and stick with the more trad "Soyuz nerushimy respublik svobodnykh", rather than the rewrite from 2000. Speaking of which, the Russian football team once got in trouble from Putin for not singing along at the European Championships.

    I'd be astonished that a reptile would share any values with His Vladness, except that I'm not, not even a little bit.

    1. Yes, the reptiles and the Donald both have a liking for strong men of the His Vladness school of leadership, and the pond must try out German German overalls in its next singalong.


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