In which the pond celebrates Ēostre with the bro and then has quality time with a couple of dicks ...

 

Celebrating Ēostre with the reptiles ...

It's been the pond's habit of late of surveying the reptile offerings before plunging in, but as a correspondent noted, the pond can get caught out by the reptiles trickily sneaking in a late offering, demonstrating just how aged the geriatric readership is, and just how quaint the continual attempt at the demonising ...

There's nothing to be said about that, except perhaps ... long live agrarian socialist head prefect Mal Fraser, imbued with the spirit of Goughism ...

With that caveat about tricky reptiles, this was what was on offer early this morning in the weekend edition at the top of the digital page...

With a shudder the pond realised that a couple of dicks had taken over the highly desired far right position, but knew the pond would eventually have to go there ... 

But at least that meant the pond wouldn't have to bother with Dame Slap, still mercilessly blathering on about the Lehrmann matter, in a way that is now way beyond parody and can live beyond the pond's ken on Planet Janet above the faraway tree.

There was "Ned" too, having a go at vulgar youff, but the pond thought it could palm that off until the morrow. 

Was there anything lurking below the fold that could delay the moment the pond had to encounter the two dicks?

Huzzah, the bromancer had gone deeply weird. This often happens at significant times, such as Ēostre or when the bro starts listening to old pop music or perhaps goes off his meds...

It meant the pond could safely defer Polonius to his preferred meditative spot Sunday, not worry about nuking the country to save the planet with genie Jennie, ignore the oscillating fan in the usual way, and forget about Brendan's gigantic moral chasm when it comes to an ongoing genocide ...

Without further ado, the bro has the floor ... and fair warning, this is a biggie, taking an incredibly long time to plough through, which is why the pond has had to shrink some delectable snaps ...

The pond isn't going to whine about being served leftover stock photo images, the abandoned lizard Oz graphics department left the building long ago, and only the drear sand of banality is left ...

Now let's get down with it, featuring a strong early burst of deeply weird paranoia and persecution complex ...

Dear sweet long absent lord, the persecution and paranoia is at ancient Roman empire levels, and never mind, pace Gibbon, the way the Xians ruined Rome (and the Pope stole all the marble to make a grand tourist attraction).

Speaking of the illustrations, the reptiles then offered this quaint juxtaposition ...

How did the boss get into the conversation? Hasn't he copped out with "agnostic" or is the bro running with the old notion that you can take the tyke out of the person, but you can't remove the tyke entirely?

That's all too deep for the pond, on with the next gobbet and the paranoia...

They no longer go to church? Must be the guvmint ...

Sorry, the pond had to slip that one in, what with all the conspiracy theories now a daily thing, but also because the reptiles slipped in a snap of a man in a frock ...

Huzzah for frock wearing ... huzzah for frock devotees ... huzzah for the bro ...

Indeed, indeed ... and it turned out that the Inquistion was a celebration of peace and love, and as for the Crusades, why they were just spreading the good word ... and those two world wars? Testament to a disdain of savagery ...

But the pond doesn't want to interrupt the bro flow, because the bro is on a roll ... and there's some truth to what he says.

After all, when the pond first was exposed to Xianity, Pope Joan was head of the church, and Paul had been refuted for his shameful remarks ...

Let your women keep silence in the churches: for it is not permitted unto them to speak; but they are commanded to be under obedience as also saith the law.

And if they will learn any thing, let them ask their husbands at home: for it is a shame for women to speak in the church.

That's why the challenge is to read the first lines in the next gobbet with a straight face, without bursting into laughter while remembering all the women who've enjoyed top jobs in the Catholic church ...

Dear sweet long absent lord, isn't it bad enough that Martin Scorsese in his senility is working for Fox, as reported in Rolling Stone, Martin Scorsese to Spearhead Doc Series on Xian Saints for Fox Nation ...(if the paywall gets in the way, you can read about it in the Graudian, Martin Scorsese to host and produce religious docuseries for Fox News).

The pond doesn't mind the saints - whatever St Christopher medal drives your EV - so much as the Fox thngie ... for verily if you lie down with foxes, you will pick up some pretty weird fleas ... and at this point, the reptiles flung in another snap ...

Speaking of the faithful, the pond was reminded of the hungry heart that was flogging public domain material at sixty (very poetry inspiring) bucks ...

Then came a spectacular form of Xian condescension, all the more spectacular because of the Xian habit of ripping off the Romans and pretending it had been part of their religion all along. Saturnalia turned into Xmas being a pond favourite ... (though to be fair the Xians managed to rip off all sorts of customs and beliefs from all sorts of people in a range of countries, you know Ēostre bunnies and other fertility symbols and Ēostre eggs and Xmas pine trees and ... add your own favourite) ...

Ya gotta laugh. That universalism was on proud display at the top of the "build the wall and make Mexico pay for it" digital edition ...

You know ...

Time to chamber another bullet for the fear-mongering? Nah, on with the bro, happily delusional ...

Original sin? So the wicked, the grifters and the sharks and the con artists will be punished? Not likely ...

Sorry, the pond slipped in that cartoon because the reptiles had slipped in another snap of a man wearing a frock ...

... but there's only so many times the pond can celebrate frock wearers wearing frocks, while wondering why some people get agitated about a little cross-dressing ...

At this point the pond realises some will have become comatose, but there isn't long to go ...

The boss a fellow Xian? Just to prove the pond spends way too much time on the full to overflowing intertubes, why not sample Bruce Springsteen - No Friend of God. It's almost as weird as the bro, and that's saying something ...

The bit that APPEALED to the pond ran this way ...

Springsteen is a big supporter of sinful homosexual (gay) rights. In 2012, he lent his support to an ad campaign for gay marriage called “The Four 2012.” Springsteen noted in the ad, “I couldn't agree more with that statement and urge those who support equal treatment for our gay and lesbian brothers and sisters to let their voices be heard now.” The Bible plainly warns in our text verse that friendship with the world is enmity with God. We all have to choose one or the other, there is NO MIDDLE GROUND. The Bible plainly teaches in Romans chapter one that the homosexual lifestyle is part of a progressive downward spiral into Hell and eternal damnation. Springsteen is a left-wing, liberal, Democrat, having voted for both Senator's John Kerry and Barack Obama for the U.S. Presidency. No one can vote for wickedness and be right with God.

Good old universalist, caring and sharing Xians ... and then came a snap of an ancient, and eek, he too seemed to be wearing a frock ...

Then it was finally done, the last gobbet had arrived ...

Um, doesn't the rising happen tomorrow? And where did he rise to? Why is he still the long absent lord? Isn't a couple of thousand years waiting for the dough to rise long enough to make a decent hot X bun?\

Yes, yes, the pond is aware of the rumour that those bloody buns came from Saxons celebrating Ēostre. Allegedly the cross represented the rebirth of the world after winter and the four quarters of the moon, as well as the four seasons and the wheel of life. (here) 

Bloody pagans, always ruining everything ...

Never mind, the pond realises that many will have dropped off during the sermon, but the pond must continue, as promised, with the two dicks ... nuking the country to save the planet, so that the pond didn't have to waste time with Jenny ...

Um, actually the other Dick was a hustler and a grifter, and at one point, the sort of scoundrel who resorted to patriotism for his grift ...

The reptiles loved him for it ... but the pond kept in mind that it was the last refuge ...

Grifters gotta grift ... and then two dicks go into a bar to save the planet, though one happens to be a climate science denialist with a long history of denouncing the science and denying renewables (we're talking a lot more than a cock crowing thrice) ...

On with the nuking ...

Two dicks together on the one show doing the current dick thing ...

So when dicks get together, SMRs are probably just around the corner to nuke the country and save the planet, and if not, you can just rage about the ABC ...

What happened to the angry old uncle from Adelaide who used to rail about climate science? You know, this one huzzah, Adelaide Now, saved to Trove from 2008 ...

Those were the good old days, straighfforward dinkum climate science denialism, suddenly and weirdly transmuted into a desire to save the planet by nuking the country, even though apparently there's no link between human activities and/or carbon emissions and climate change ...

What happened to the mad uncle or grandpa routine?

Well you can't expect a couple of dicks to chew over the old days endlessly ... and with that there were just two gobbets of spotted dick to go ...

Yep, it's time to put the u back into uranium ...

What's the clue that nothing has changed? The talk of zealots from a man who exudes zealotry ... and has done so for decades ...

At this point the pond would usually end with a pertinent cartoon, perhaps even recycling a relevant Wilcox ...

... but the pond wanted to end on an up absurdist Ēostre note and noted this 'toon in The New Yorker.

In some weird way it seemed to evoke the spirit of living with reptiles, or at least the secret life of reptiles...

In which the pond begins Ēostre with the reptiles and an exceptionally mind-numbing outing from a pontificating, portentous, pompous prof emeritus ...

 

'Tis the season, so let us prey ...

The pond doesn't usually start with a nod to Colbert, but 'tis the season, and the reptiles have sent in their second eleven, with the AJN occupying the top far right slot in the digital edition ...

Instead of verbose referential Henry of hole in buckets fame, the reptiles sent in a second eleven prof to occupy the middle space of the digital edition ... and the pond knew its Ēostre duty ... checking only to make sure that there was nothing essential in the reptiles lurking beneath the fold ...

Nah, just The Mocker, held over from yesterday to keep the celebration of the orange Jesus going, the WSJ pressed in to service to fill in our Henry's loss, some blather about NZ and some nonsensical balther about sustainable aviation fuel - as if anyone cared about the cult of climate science after reading the lizard Oz. 

Throw in Kirby preaching money skills, as if four payments of $19.95 weren't enough - disciples are standing by at the lizard Oz for your subscription - and the offering of the usual simpleton "here no conflict of interest" Simon, and after that quick glance, the pond knew it could throw the lot away, it being a holiday and all.

No point dilly dallying, best get on with the pretentious pontificating prof ...

Of course it's deeply offensive. That's the entire point of this long-winded troll ...

Meanwhile, with the prof apparently in de nile about what's currently happening in Gaza ...

Talk about the finest flowering of Western Civilisation and culture clashes ... and there's more news here for anyone, apart from the prof, who might care to check if they don't mind an Ēostre depression ...

Meanwhile, the prof is so far up himself,  he invokes, in a masturbatory way of which the man himself would approve, Rousseau (with bonus Marx) ...

For some reason, the reptiles decided to undercut the prof with the illustrative snap ...

If we're taking a break from the pontificating prof, the pond might note that there was other news from the West Bank ...

The prof was still busy masturbating over his book learning, in the Rousseau way ... which is to say deploring the hand while deploying the hand ...

Indeed, indeed, that'd be. the mainstream Western consciousness that produced the first world war...

Around this point, the pond began to flail about and think of other things, anything to avoid dwelling on the genocide. 

The infallible Pope, for example, was in tune with the spirit of the season...

And what about a distraction from the genocide with a wondrous loon from the west, thanks to Rob Harris for Australian councillor praises Vladimir Putin’s election win on Russian TV...

The pond never pays enough attention to sandgroper news, and rarely panders to its sole sandgroper reader and correspondent, but this was a doozy, what you might call full Tamworth, and the pond can think of no higher praise ...

London: A regional West Australian councillor has appeared in a bizarre video on Russian state-owned TV, congratulating President Vladimir Putin on his election victory.

Adrian McRae, who was elected to the Port Hedland council in early March and has not yet been sworn in, was reportedly flown to Moscow as part of an international delegation to observe the presidential elections.

In a video published by Channel One State News, McRae congratulated Putin on his win and hailed it as the most transparent in the world.

“Can I please pass on my most sincere congratulations to Mr Vladimir Putin,” he said.

“In my lifetime, the world has never seen such a transparent and comprehensive victory as what we saw here over the last three days.”

(Photo) McRae said he received a Badge of Honour, the highest award of the International Slavic Academy, from opposition candidate Sergey Baburin.

Australia’s Foreign Minister Penny Wong said the result was an “insult to democracy”, while British Foreign Secretary David Cameron said it had underlined the depth of repression of Putin’s regime, which “seeks to silence any opposition to his illegal war”.

McRae contested the last federal election as a candidate for The Great Australian Party, founded by former WA senator and conspiracy theorist Rod Culleton, in the seat of Durack.

He said later he had travelled to Russia as an “independent international observer” after being invited by Russian Ambassador to Australia Aleksey Pavlovsky.

“I was invited to Moscow to participate in an international delegation,” he said.

The Russian embassy told the ABC that McRae, along with many other foreign nationals, took part in the election observation program during the elections of the president of the Russian Federation.

From Russia, McRae told regional newspaper North West Telegraph that he could “write for hours” about “the most ridiculously over-the-top transparency” he witnessed as part of the election process.

“Having run as a candidate in both Australian federal and local government elections, as well as volunteering as a scrutineer for national elections and referendums, I was truly shocked by Russia’s transparency... It leaves the Australian system in its wake.”

Following the election, pro-Putin activist Simeon Boikov, known by his moniker “Aussie Cossack”, posted images of McRae receiving an award — the Badge of Honour — from opposition candidate Sergey Baburin, which he said was “for his efforts in strengthening friendship between Australia and Russia”.

Town of Port Hedland chief executive Carl Askew told the North West Telegraph that McRae had travelled in a personal capacity.

“The town does not comment on the personal activities of elected members,” he said. “All elected members are subject to the town’s code of conduct.”

Must be something in the water, but there was other good news, thanks to Crikey and Charlie Lewis, What the hell has Tim Wilson been up to lately (other than tweeting cringe)? (paywall).

The pond hadn't thought in many a long month about freedumb boy and what a splendid way to distract from a pontificating prof celebrating genocide. 

The pond will dispense with the smug ECU snap of a smirking freedumb boy and cut to the chase (sorry, you have to be a subscriber to enjoy the hot links) ...

But there's only so much fun allowed in any Ēostre, so it was back to the the collective displacement, the collective punishment, the famine, in short, the genocide, it being a proud part of the Western tradition, what with World War II and all. How the Germans loved their Wagner and their Beethoven as they went about their business and what joy there's been a new flowering of such a fine Western tradition in Gaza (cue ‘Mum knew what was going on’: Brigitte Höss on living at Auschwitz, in the Zone of Interest family) ...

Mum might have known what was going on, but the prof is completely clueless ...

For some reason, the reptiles kept interrupting the prof to show snaps of death and destruction ...

Well yes, there's been a fair bit of killing ...

Do the killing fields have any impact on the prof? Not on your nelly ...

'Tis the season for the good old Western tradition of cruelty dressed up in verbiage ...

Luckily the prof was starting to run out of steam, but not before mentioning Thucydides in a way that would have made the hole in the bucket man beam with pride ...

Or perhaps regressing into genocidal famine?

But of course the Western tradition insists that famine is sometimes necessary in the cause of genocide, so court rulings can be safely ignored ...

And then it was just one more gobbet of fine genocide-loving verbiage from the prof ...

What a wanker, in the Rousseau sense of don't do what I do, while I do what I do, which is to wank along to famine and genocide ... 

But the pond has done its Ēostre duty, in the original sense of that vexing "emeritus" word: 

In Latin, emeritus was used to describe soldiers who had completed their duty. It is the past participle of the verb emereri, meaning "to serve out one's term," from the prefix e-, meaning "out," and merēre, "to earn, deserve, or serve."

The trouble of course comes with some sense of merit, as opposed to meretricious tosh ...

(Merēre is also the source of our word merit.) English speakers claimed emeritus as their own in the late 17th century, applying it as both a noun and an adjective referring or relating not to soldiers but to someone who is retired from professional life but permitted to keep as an honorary title the rank of the last office they held. The adjective is frequently used postpositively—that is, after the noun it modifies rather than before it—and it is most commonly used to describe specifically those retired from a professorship.

If only loonish profs realised that retirement meant retire,  and they got lost, buggered off, or settled down to suck on humbugs while contemplating the view from their verandah ...

And so to wrap up where the pond started, back in the land of grifters who just gotta grift ...