In which the pond does the unthinkable and leads with "Ned", because the dog botherer is just doing the usual and the bromancer has turned defeatist quisling ...

 

The pond woke to news so remarkable this morning that it had only one choice ... see how the reptiles framed that choice...

Waste quality time with Dame Slap moaning about the sisterhood, or celebrate Britain on the move? 

With joyous heart, callooh callay, the pond abandoned planet Janet, clambered down the faraway tree, and turned to nattering "Ned" ...

It was too sweet. "Ned" blaming the Tories and blaming the mango Mussolini, apparently unaware that News Corp had a hand in both the Brexit nonsense and the big lie ...

Wouldn't the pond be happier reading Hyde handing out a good hiding?

Of course, of course, and any sensible person would immediately haul stumps on "Ned" and the pond, and head off to the Graudian for a good read on all of it, including that most excellent hiding ... though please make sure to take in the usual icing on the cake, a Crace with Kamikwasi takes Librium Liz’s offer to consciously uncouple from train wreck ...

Oh there's an abundance of riches ...

But the pond does its reading for perverse pleasure and kinky entertainment, and there's nothing better than reading a perplexed "Ned", the usual portentous pomposity deflated by events ...

Instead we have the moaning and sighing at clouds, and wringing of hands, and Chicken Little clucking about, and ashes tossing about version of "Ned" ...

It's all because they didn't embrace the monstrous stupidity and inherent lies in Brexit?

But all that was up there with the orange Jesus's big lie ...

There's even an "emergency exit" break glass in that baleful pack of lies ... as "Ned" grasps for some hope that plucky little England at least never fell for the coup-loving Faux Noise and chairman Rupert ...

"While much of her analysis of Britain's ills were correct..."

What a sublime "Neddism" ... and in that line alone he manages to offer himself as a target for a damned good hiding ... but instead, in the usual "Ned" way, he went on and on and on ...

But "Ned" conspiracy theories and a long list of enemies is entirely the News Corp/Faux Noise model ... you can't possibly abandon it now ...

Still, in the face of everything, he persists with admirable stupidity: "Many of the ideas advanced by Truss are desirable and justified ..."

No, they aren't, not in the world of theory, nor in the real world, nor even in the world where a red bus promised a cornucopia of pleasures and delights and oodles of money ... and so back to the sackcloth and ashes ...

Oh dear, and as plucky little England has fallen, so has "Ned", forced to reveal that he not only reads Andrew Sullivan - a perversity the pond gave up long ago - but that he's willing to quote him ...

But at last "Ned" has reached his final gobbet full of whimpering despair, and the pond hasn't even felt the need to include a single cartoon, such is the pleasure witnessing the confusion in "Ned's" mind ...

Oh dear, after all that, surely one Graudian cartoon can't hurt ...

And so to the dog botherer, and the pond marked the crow eater down, putting him in second place, because it was just a standard assembly of all the usual enemies ... a kind of dismal trussing that even "Ned" seemed to realise was a little out of date and out of joint with the times ...

What's worse, after that long burst of "Ned", the dog botherer also goes on and on with his blather ...

Well it beats talking about the floods and all that stuff going down ... best ignore all that climate stuff for the usual disingenuous serve of dog botherering bullshit ...

Oh wait, how could the dog botherer resist? Of course he was going to throw in an epic fit of climate science denialism, how could he resist, it's like any scorpion confronted by a sucker frog ...

Meanwhile, the planet is surely supremely safe in the dog botherer's stewardship ...

Sorry, that's what passes for satirical irony in the pond as there's another dollop of dog botherer gruel to serve ...

There's nothing like being completely cynical about the way some might be concerned at where the planet is heading ... and as for purging the sins of the father ...

...Kenny is a staunchly neo-conservative, anti-progress, anti-worker defender of the status quo. He is an unrelenting apologist for the Liberal Party. He was one of Alexander Downer’s senior advisers at the time of the Iraq War. He’s been known to argue for stubborn, sightless inaction on climate change. He spits at anyone concerned with such trivialities as gender equality, environmental issues or labour rights from his Twitter account on a daily basis. Recently, he characterised criticism of the lack of women in Tony Abbott’s Cabinet as a continuation of the Left’s “gender wars”. He is a regular and fervent participant in The Australian’s numerous ongoing bully campaigns against those who question its editorial practices and ideological biases. The profoundly irresponsible, dishonest, hate-filled anti-multiculturalist Andrew Bolt has recently referred to Kenny on his blog as “a friend”.

And it’s a jokey picture of a bestial embrace that I should be afraid of discovering online?

Never gets old, that one, though amazingly Liam Kenny wrote it in Junkee in September 2013, and here's the thing, nothing has changed ...

So to the next gobbet ...

Oh no, not the mask thingie, that's Killer's turf ... and as for the ABC, perhaps we can all agree ...

Let’s see the ABC give back every cent of what it cost them to use Photoshop for thirty seconds. Maybe I’ll spend the spare change on a bus to go see the Great Barrier Reef before it, like the Chaser’s dog, is completely fucked in the arse.

Such language, but when visiting the sins of the father ..

And so back to the man behind Utegate, who didn't just help Malware fuck things, but diligently helped Lord Downer to fuck Iraq, never needing to be reminded about his own useless and inept stint in government ...

What a tedious, out of date, out of touch, unaware, recidivist luddite clown he is ... but possibly it could be worse ...

The pond needed that one to help it get through the final gobbet... "dear, oh dear ..."

Wrong again ... one thing stays the same. Nasty people like the dog botherer spewing envy, spite, and bile ...

And now the pond realises that it has long overstayed its welcome, but it must turn to the bromancer, because at least those accustomed to the pond's Saturday Everest might attempt the climb ...

Yes, what's interesting here is not just how the bromancer starts by quoting Vlad the impaler, but how, in best quisling manner he then spends an eternity of gobbets devising and promoting FUD and defeatism, in a style which surely would have pleased Vlad the impaler and the Kremlin ...

Wave a nuke at the bromancer, and suddenly all his bold talk of bringing down Xi, and drones, and missiles and mobile forces and to hell with tanks turns to jelly ...

Old jellyfish is on the case, and the FUD is rampant ...

This is the way a Lord Haw-Haw would scribble, with defeatism, fear and paranoia at the ready ...

What happened to the bromancer talking up plucky Britain during the blitz? Where's the support for Ukraine?

Sorry, the bromancer is cowering in the corner, fearful of a terrorist doing terror ...

For a second there, the pond thought the bromancer was back-tracking ... after all, those bloody tanks are pretty useless.

But like Vlad the impaler, he has the ultimate FUD to hand ... and it'll soon enough come out to play ...

Smell the defeatism in the air. See how the quivering quisling quavers and wavers ... and yet there are gobbets to go before he gets to nuke the fridge ...

Of course, of course, the ultimate in FUD ... the armageddon, with the apocalypse deeply embedded in the tyke psyche, as if we're not already comprehensively fucking the planet, cheered on by reptiles of the dog botherer kind ...

But the pond digresses ... there's more defeatism to go ...

And so to the final gobbet from the quivering, quavering, wavering fearful jellyfish ...

Well that's the defeatist lesson for the day. 

Abject fear and the pond realised that everything that the pond had read by the bromancer to this day was just a form of bluster, the sort you might expect from a bully who would turn heel the moment things got a little heated.

Come on down, Xi, wave a nuke at the bromancer, and he'll fold his tent and steal into the night ... he might wring his hands as he leaves, but he'll only be peddling existential dread in service of your war effort ... 

All that blather about subs and tanks and mobile defence and he's as handy as a pack of cards in Alice in Wonderland ...

...and as it so happens, this day the immortal Rowe was celebrating that long march ...