In which the reptiles continue to be confused, and nobody does it better than Polonius, Dame Slap and our Gracie ...

 

The reptiles have definitely been out of sorts this weekend, befuddled and confused, lacking direction, settling into the new reality, offering advice to the government, but painfully aware that nobody is going to pay much attention ...

"Who did you pass on the road?" the King went on, holding out his hand to the Messenger for some more hay. "Nobody," said the Messenger. "Quite right," said the King; "this young lady saw him too. So of course Nobody walks slower than you." "I do my best," the Messenger said in a sullen tone. "I'm sure nobody walks much faster than I do!" "He can't do that," said the King, "or else he'd have been here first.”

It's probably wrong for the pond to joke about it, but nobody does existential despair like prattling Polonius ...

Still brooding about the teal-coloured curtains! And still in Polonius's inimitable fact laden style, as he notes the fact that Labor has won, which is a fact that might have escaped the attention of factists had it not been for Polonius's diligent fact-checking ...

All the pond can do with this sort of wailing and sobbing is feast on Polonius's tears and no matter if they're teal-coloured or tinged with bilious green...

Did the pond forget to mention it was all the fault of the ABC? Why bother, when you have to hand the weirdly obsessive compulsive, deeply paranoid Polonius? He really needs to take a break from that incessant listening to the ABC. Take a stand, listen to 2GB ...

The pond made the mistake of catching a story on the 7.30 report about corruption in Victoria, which was shot at night with noirish lighting and a wet down of the roads to get a glistening mood (though to be fair it was probably a natural wet down rather than a fire brigade assisted one). 

It was a comical attempt at drama - to conceal that there was three fifths of fuck all of actual content in the story - as it became clear that even the pond had more clues about corruption and incompetence in the Victorian government than they did (why no mention of a department dropping 2,500 phone lines in the name of efficiency and cost-saving, only to discover some of the numbers were being used, and so at vast expense new numbers were required?).

Anyway, the point is, the pond resolved to make sure it was more careful when it came to switching on the telly and catching a dose of current affairs bullshit ABC style, even if Fritz Lang would have been pleased at the expressionist stylings (if only Peter Lorre was still around the play the sinister, shadowy comrade Dan).

The pond can't help but think Polonius routinely misses the point ... and this final bleating gobbet did little to change the pond's mind ... but perhaps because he's still in mourning, the tears were the cause of the problem ...

Unintended consequences? It's important to know? For Polonius perhaps, but it's done and dusted and is what it is, and nobody should waste their time brooding about what went down, because nobody does it better than Polonius ...

And so to Dame Slap, and here is an example of a reptile in an allegedly helpful mood, trying to steer the comrades into a correct socialist position ...

This is a new guise for Dame Slap. She has suddenly become a class warrior, deeply appalled by middle class welfare, dismayed and concerned at the suffering of the poor. Reading it, the pond almost felt the need for a new sobriquet, perhaps Comrade Slap ...

Once Dame Slap gets on a roll, there's no stopping her, and so she slips into full comrade mode with style ...

Who'd have thunk that the pond would be reporting this weekend on the dog botherer going gung ho for Uluru and Dame Slap gung ho for people on lower incomes?

Of course Dame Slap only went full comrade after the election ... back in the day she was a culture war warrior concerned about more vital and pressing issues than more sordid matters of cash in the middle class paw...like Social engineers determined to remove the wonder from childhood ...

What happened to that Dame Slap? Surely the problem isn't helping out the rich and giving the poor a hard time. Surely it's all about social engineering and the ruining of vulgar youff.

Where did that valiant culture wars warrior go? Where did this working class Comrade Slap come from? Is it a way for a far right warrior to adopt the guise of a far left warrior and smote the leftists from the left?

The pond is finding it difficult to cope with all the weirdness currently afoot in the reptile world, and was relieved to discover that our Gracie had discovered her lost self, and returned to best Micawber, or, if you will,  Uncle Ebenezer form ... again replete with advice ...

This will be a handy cudgel in due course. Having inherited a mess ...

... the gotcha will come if they attempt to do anything about it. 

And if they do nothing, or are half-hearted about what they do, that will make a splendid gotcha too ... and those the News Corp model of fear and loathing can keep chugging along ...

Right now, our Gracie is setting them up for the big spending racket the reptiles and the onion muncher so loved back in the day ...

See how the gotcha works? Dame Slap has already shown that they're shameless big spenders helping out the filthy rich, shovelling cash with no regard to the morrow ...

And yet our Gracie is keen for austerity to kick in ... no doubt emboldened by the way  the coalition is now well along on the road to the sensible centre ... with nobody to stop them on their march ...

And with that, all that's left is a final short gobbet promising hellfire and damnation for those wretches who ignore the redback in the purse...

Indeed, indeed, and meanwhile, on another planet, the earning goes on ...