The reptiles began the weekend obsessed with images of their readership rushing up a mountain, presumably so the sheep could all jump off … but naturally the pond was attracted to the sight of the dog botherer cheek by jowl with the lemmings, rushing into print to talk up the talking point of the day, the forces of globalisation, an alarming spectre designed to terrify the inhabitants of Woop Wooop …
Such a predictable man, with the imagination of a paper towel, and apparently unaware that he is scribbling for a multinational corporation, run by an American citizen, its tentacles spread around the world like a gigantic ,oppressive octopus …
But hang on, hang on, how's the octopus doing down under at reptile HQ where the residents rush to and from the water cooler for their dose of globalisation kool aid? Well, courtesy of Crikey, the pond caught up with the news that still more were leaving the ship …
Oh cruel Rundalian thrust at the dog botherer - a self-defeating freak show, and the dog botherer lumped in with the parrot as a choice example of insane commentary?
Well it made the pond roll some jaffas down the aisle, but it also helped explain why the rag is turning to other publications for its stories … and for its laughs …
Rees the darling moggy, and Boris as true workers' party chaps? Only in The Spectator, but now it seems also in the lizard Oz …
But what happens if you import things willy nilly from the mother country, without worrying too much about sense or nonsense? Why, you're likely to accidentally reprint a piece from The Economist …
Dear sweet long absent """, not tricky Dick ...
Okay, the pond only mentions this because Rowe turned his eye on the Poms this week, and produced a couple of nice ones …
… with more Rowe here celebrating the droogs …
And they say the pond is out of date and out of touch for maintaining its loyalty to the onion muncher … but when there's a country to wreck, our droog will be there, doing his bit to stamp on a global Britain, which is really quite naughty of him, given that the dog botherer is so against globalisation and so against the works and deeds of his mighty globalist Chairman …and incidentally globalist Boris ...
But back to The Economist …
He continues to regard himself as a liberal globalist? Quick, quick, for fucks sake, somebody warn the dog botherer there's a globalist in town ...
Indeed, indeed, and what fun it's been this week, despite the very best attempts of the Donald to hog the limelight …
Of course the trapeze act is still going on, what with court documents saying one thing, and tricky Boris saying another, and the pond is in constant suspense, when all it really wants is for the Poms to venture into the globalist world and fall flat on their droog faces ...
In with a chance of producing its own Trump, just as SloMo makes his move to become the Donald down under?
Well maybe so, but the clowns will have to get help to get the message straight about globalisation …and the insane self-defeating commentary of the dog botherer isn't going to help.
And so to the Polonius for the day, and alas, the poor old mad uncle has come down from the attic only to show how out of touch he is …
Polonius doing a John Bolton on China, and cheering on SloMo standing up to the dragon?
Well it's unexceptional stuff, and the pond almost thought of skipping its weekly tradition … but thought what the hell, bugger it, where's the harm in indulging the old man? Only to be pulled up by another rascal that Polonius dragged into the headline mix …
Lord Downer tells it like it is?
But, billy goat, butt, everyone now knows that Lord Downer is a paid-up member of the deep state … perhaps one of the most sinister rogues roaming the shadowy underworld of pimps and spies and swillers of very dry martinis, shaken, stirred and denounced by Gra Gra …
Why that looks very grand and serious, but the killer diller came on the next page ...
Thanks Lindsey, we all know who that diplomat fiend was … Lord Downer himself, directed by mysterious forces, and part of a deep state operation perhaps organised by master conspirator John Howard.
Why at best they might be a bunch of Masons, at worst a pack of wild-eyed galahs indulging in the mystifying rituals of the Rosicrucians …
Now the pond will admit with an ashamed face that for years it dined out on the thought that Lord Downer was just a harmless bozo with a taste for gossip and cross-dressing …
Who knew he was part of a deep state international conspiracy, and perhaps even flashed a wanton thigh and high-heeled shoe in the direction of the easily led astray George?
The whole thing was an enormous distraction, and left Polonius re-fighting the domino wars of the 1950s and '60s in the shade, but once the pond begins, it must proceed to the bitter end …
Indeed, indeed, a nation must have its heroes, for the wars that are coming …
Now the pond knows the game that Polonius is playing … it's an ancient one, and it always involves the way that certain types in the past ignored Mao's crimes (though strangely he never seems to mention the way that for a brief moment everyone in Australia was on board with Uncle Joe during the big one).
This is designed to get such types on the back foot, but at the same time, Polonius never mentions the way he supported the war in Vietnam, a monumental, epic folly, an exercise in futility that saw many conscripts have their lives ruined or ended, and for what … so that SloMo could wander off to Vietnam and talk of shoring up an alliance against China, the very domino-toppling dragon we were all supposed to fear …
Oh it's a funny old world when it comes to fighting wars …
Never mind, it's time for the ritual moth-eared shaming …
Yes, yes, but what did you do in the Vietnam war, uncle? Oh never mind, maybe we should be thinking of getting out the gats and doing it tommy-gun style like they did in Chicago before the war …
Here's the thing, and the pond mentions it to the hard core reptiles gathered around the water cooler sipping on their cold war kool aid, perhaps for their commercial benefit.
Does anyone at all remember Francis James, Vincent Mathews, Ted Wheelwright, and the likes of Wilfred Burchett, outside the tottering, doddering memory bank known as Polonius? Does anyone much care? What is it with these old warriors meandering down ancient paths, lost in a Frostian world, blathering about choices made and roads taken?
Does anybody give a toss, or if the pond may be so Tamworthian bold, a flying fuck about those ancient wars, when we have new ones to fight, and even the Chinese thought it was a bit rich to do the Donald's bidding when it came to investigating the Bidens?
Might not it have been more profitable for Polonius to spend a little more time on Hong Kong, instead of evoking ancient spectres and rattling ancient chains?
The likes of Lord Downer is telling it like it is today?
Sheesh, how many years before the mad uncle catches up with the news? Tell him Amy …
And so on and on in these conspiratorial, loon-laden times.
Yes, Lord Downer has been up to all sorts of mischief, and the pond won't hear a word about this leftist spy conspiracy being "ridiculous".
These Maoists are all intent on world domination, while the poor old Chairman must settle for Fox and Sky and a few humble tree-killing newspapers …up against a sinister globalist cabal worthy of a Fleming novel ...
And now all that's left of the day's business is to note that Rowe has a book out, and who should occupy centre stage in the illustration?
By golly, just that sight of the onion muncher makes it a worthy stocking filler. Too soon?
Yes, yes, but the Aldi catalogue is already filled with Xmas cheer …the clock is about to sow confusion and chaos and drain the colour from the curtains and stop the cows from milking …
How soon before the war on Xmas begins again? No sooner than Polonius railing at the anarchists who produced the first world war, no doubt, a most excellent exercise in battle craft, with worthy aims and astounding results ...
By Gum I love to read your mad scribblings. My world would be unimaginably poorer should you stop this sometimes masochistic work.
ReplyDelete"…the clock is about to sow confusion and chaos and drain the colour from the curtains and stop the cows from milking …"
ReplyDeleteStrewth, you're so right, DP: Daylight Saving begins at 02:00 tomorrow morning.
But then we have Polonius: "The error made by many Westerners about China in the 1960s 70s and 80s was to not be realistic about the nation. That's why it's good news that the likes of Downer and Morrison are telling like it is today."
Downer and Morrison ? Before either of them could "tell it like it is" they'd have to be able to see it like it is and I see no evidence that either of them possesses that capability.
Besides, what if people had told us "like it is" about China back in the 60s, 70s and 80s ? What could we - including the USA in "we" - have done about it ? Declared war on China ? Which at the time would have meant the USSR as well.
Oh I know, we could have refused China entry to the WTO Oh no, that didn't happen until 2001 anyway - 12 years after Tiananmmen square - so what could we have done ? Anything at all ?