At last, with political parties hopelessly divided, the war on Xmas and coal lands ...

The pond reeled back in shock and alarm at nattering "Ned's" astonishing insight - the main parties disagreed, they're divided!! Split, and possibly full of splitters ...

Who'd have guessed it, who'd have thunk it? Now there'd be no harmony over Xmas, all was rooned, and yet yesterday, all the pond's troubles seemed so far away, now it looks as the divisive days are here to stay, and there's a shadow hanging over politics …oh yesterday came suddenly and now the pond needs a place to hide away …

Or some such thing, because the reptiles are truly alarmed, with Dame Groan earning her lavish salary by going full racist …

 

Hmm, too many viewings of Midnight Express, the pond suspects. Cut back to no more than once a month, and perhaps substitute the Ayran purity of a Leni Riefenstahl film or three …oh, and avoid hanging around Rick's Café where all those bloody globalists congregate talking of free trade and imported coffee beans…

Never mind, what relief this day brings, because the pond had thought it had avoided the war on Christmas, but suddenly there it was, full-blown, an epic sound and fury, and a braying of carols …

Holy Jane Campion smoke indeed …

Oh sheesh, it was the last straw or perhaps the last lump, and naturally the reptiles selected the most humourless sod, the most mind numbed and numbing of them all, to deal with the crisis …

If ever anybody wants a glass jawed loon up for a trolling, the dog botherer is their all day sucker. 

Every day this atheist prays for the silliness and the rampant dog botherer stupidity to stop, but no, every day, the long absent lord refuses to answer the pond's prayers, and therefore plays into the pond's atheism. Dear sweet long absent lord, why have you forsaken me? Why have you forsaken the world? Won't SloMo's Israel journey bring about the rapture before the pond has to endure another New Year's eve party?

You see, there's one thing worse than a comatose dog botherer with a complete lack of humour. It's a dog botherer tying to suggest he has a sensa huma…

Here, have a cartoon …

And even worse than pretending to have a sensa huma is a matching inability to shut up, so the dog botherer just blathers and blathers ...

Actually the pond rather went off singing along after Phil Spector went down, and A Christmas Gift to You From Phil Spector took on a tainted air …you know, you better watch out, you better not cry, Santa's sending you a gift-wrapped slug aimed at the brain …

But once the dog botherer gets to humming, no one, not even Sister Domenica it seems, can shut him up ...

Sheesh, such a leaden buffoon, it must be about time for another cartoon …

Meanwhile, what's the odds that the good folk around Darebin are dancing in delight to see the dog botherer bite? And not just a toothless yappy dog bite, but a full-blown great white bite ...

What a grouch, what a grinch, what a humourless sod, what a stupid, foolish man, how angry, such epic shouting at clouds, and yet ... what fun …oh if only there were more war on Xmas, if only the pond hadn't left it so late …

And now, please wait, while the pond briefly hides behind a screen, puts on a serious face, and emerges to deal with prattling Polonius …

Now here the pond must apologise. You see, the reptiles, and Polonius amongst them, and so perforce the pond, can't discuss another matter of keen interest to students of the Catholic church …

There's only hints, and rumours, and murmurs, and minor reports to see …

What's it all about? Who can say? It's probably another example of the deep animosity that social media, the ABC and The Drum have towards the Catholic church ...

Ah, the old social media routine, a reptile favourite, and here the pond must send out a cheerio call to its one reader in Newcastle. It's all your bloody fault, you fool …

Meanwhile, this is an important social media point. The pond must say nothing about the role of Polonius in advocating the joys and wonders of the blessed Catholic church, long may the pedophiles in its ranks be ignored, or perhaps shuffled from parish to parish …

Instead the pond must wonder if each week Polonius wakes up determined to produce an even more stereotypical performance - rant at the ABC, absolve the Catholic church, column done, caricature complete ...

Hmmm, what if this insight happened to be applied to Polonius? What if the pond should snatch from the aged shelf a typical Polonial column from the past, and find he was blathering about collective memory failure way back on 24th May 1997 in the SMH?

Always with the memory failing, and apparently Polonius the only one with a memory, such is the infinite wisdom bestowed on him by the long absent lord, or perhaps the Catholic church ...

And now for an aside.

You see, Polonius will only ever be happy if everyone shuts up about the Catholic church … even if it so happens Catholic church is a wicked institution, which might benefit from some discussion …

… such as the urgent need for some sensible reforms, such that the gay priest in the family can turn up for Xmas lunch, with his loved one, and not have to hide the love under a bush out in the backyard …

… such that there's a willingness to treat priests and nuns as human beings capable of meaningful loving and sexual relationships, if they so choose, as a way of expressing both their humanity and their religious beliefs …

And so long as the current situation continues, and certain matters raise their ugly heads and yet can't be discussed …

… then the general, multifarious failings of the Catholic church must be aired, and Polonius is no help when he tries to keep sweeping all discussion under the carpet, and tries to pretend that the problems in the Catholic church would be solved if only people on The Drum shut up or toed the Polonial line ...

No doubt further down the track there will be much study and discussion of Pellist matters, and yet the most important point - the ongoing efforts of the Catholic church to obstruct and to deny and to avoid - never seem to be of interest to Polonius, and he wastes very little prattle on the need for reform…and so the chance for the Church to purchase some indulgences and indulge in much needed changes keeps drifting on, and each Xmas seems to have a snowflake's chance in hell of happening …

And now for a sign of the pond's inherent masochism and ongoing sense of Catholic guilt. 

You see, to indulge in the Polonial patter, the pond gave up this delicious guilty pleasure …

May's irresponsible actions. Hello Nigel, hello Boris, hello Rees-Mogg blathering about moral authority? And yet all of them paper tigers who couldn't even bring off a no confidence motion ...

And so the set-up for the David Rowe of the day fell apart, and political parties disagree and are divided, and poor coal is savagely satirised, and we're all rooned, or perhaps even worse, the seas are warming, and how does that help the solitary swimmer on her last leg, the shore ever receding, the stars above gleaming, as coal's light flickers and falters? With more Rowe here ...