In which the pond continues its Melba with the Caterists ...

(with more xkcd here).

Watching John Oliver last night, the pond was suddenly, weirdly reminded of Google glass… and its slow drift into oblivion.

The last tag in the Graudian, discussing a rebirth, is dated July 2017 …

Somehow it reminded the pond of the reptiles and tree-killer editions and broadsheets and printer's ink, and desperate paywalls designed to save the day when information just wants to be free, and the whole damn thing.

Not that the alternative is visually appealing. It seems everyone is content to stumble around, gazing zombie-like into a screen, and bumping into passers-by, or wandering across roads, or imagining they can drive while fixated on an app …

Strange that these apparitions won, and nobody felt the need to join the pond's four-eyed mob …

And so to day two of the lizard Oz's great new paywall, and sadly the pond must report an epic fail, and worse, in relation to one of the jewels in the crown… the Caterist.

Now at great risk to its business model, the pond is dead set determined to encourage the reptiles to mount a completely impenetrable paywall, whereby no light can enter or exit the lizard Oz without ordinary punters being forced to pay for the pleasure.

Of course the Graudian folk are willing to take almost anything, with a simpering, unseemly amount of gratitude …like the lentil restaurant in King street that allows patrons to pay what they feel the meal was worth ...and The New York Times asks for a humble A$2.50… though you have to pay more for the crossword and cooking ...while the lizards of Oz offer a bait and switch 12 weeks at four bucks a week, before doubling the price to eight bucks a week, with access to the WSJ as a consolation prize ...

It's also possible to head off to news.com.au, and get the reptile angle for free …

The pond is determined to give up only after the last slivers of light have been extinguished in Sauron's castle, as he gazes down on the tortured land of Mordor…

… which is why this is such a disappointment...

Now it's not what the Caterist says that's offensive - it's eminently predictable and these days the pond could write a Caterist column in its sleep.

Rather it's the failure of the great lizard of Oz paywall on only the second day that greatly irritates the pond.

That anyone should have access to the Caterist without paying a stipend, and perhaps enduring a lashing with a cat o' nine tails, is simply insupportable.

It's not enough to suffer, as any masochist knows, the essence is to be made to pay for the suffering ...

It is of course unseemly for Qantas to suggest that Australia wasn't settled peacefully … as everyone knows, the country was terra nullius, and so, with no one here, there was no opposition, and everything happened in an incredibly peaceful way, as colonisation always proceeded under the peace-loving British. (Just look at Africa, India and many other examples of the peaceful British empire going about its peace-loving business).

You think that's delusional? You haven't read the rest of the Caterist explanation of the colonisation process ...

What a complete and consummate dork, and that's why the pond is outraged.

The reptiles have supposedly embarked on an ironclad wall, behind which the likes of the Caterist will reside, and yet this morning the pond has been exposed to this steaming pile of nonsense?

It's outrageous, and it gets in the way of the pond's next campaign, which is to ensure that the lizards of Oz abandon Twitter and Facebook and all the other new-fangled intertubes devices which pose a threat to their business model …

Make it so, and in the meantime take a look at the Poms' national archive here …

The ideal opportunity to get rid of its convicts and score a shipping base, versus "the British settled NSW to precise the lessons of the Enlightenment, intent on building a new civilisation through reason and science, operating on humane principles."??

Who to believe? The pragmatist describing reality, or the enormous tosser, the complete wanker, the consummate blatherer, babbling about Enlightenment civilisation …

Is that what you call a land grab and the lure of gold?

Ah, but the Aboriginal population decreased ever so peacefully, in an Enlightened, humane principles way ...

Civilisation? You tell him Winnie …

Actually, that probably should be amended to accommodate modern trends.

How about rum, sodomy and taxpayer cash?

The pond had to abandon its planned blog for the day to attend to the Caterists?

It's impossible to describe how resentful the pond is at this failure by the reptiles … and so to the pond's favourite song from the album Rum, Sodomy and the Lash, and good Irish-British teeth, which will see the pond off to the dentist soon enough … (might require clicking through to YouTube).