In which the pond mounts a double header with the Major Mitchell and Moorice ...

   

The pond once had lunch with John Clarke. It was a pleasant moment in a generally dull life. 

The pond enjoyed his work, and regrets with his passing that there will be no more, though he left many rich moments, especially that graveyard scene. He flourished originally in New Zealand, but he transplanted well to Australia, and was nurtured by the ABC.

It's worth remembering this as the pond does its usual Monday round of the reptiles ...

At first, the pond thought it was just going to be a usual Monday, an Oreo biscuit and then a walk around the block with the Major Mitchell to lose the weight ...

Sure, it was likely to be a pathetic re-hash of all that had gone before in the matter of Hirsi Ali, but that's the way it is with the Major.

He's a lazy parrot, and he likes to swill the kool-aid, to sip it and savour it, even when the chewing gum on the bedpost has lost a lot of its flavour ...

Well yes, violence against women is an expression of misogyny underscoring all societal and religious systems. Islamics don't have an exceptional right to violence against women, and the angry Sydney Anglicans with their complimentary women and the patriarchs of the Catholic church have more than held their own ...

And if Islam is a violent religion, who bunged on two world wars and staged a Holocaust?

This is not to defend Islam so much as to remind the parrot that birds fly best when equipped with more than one eye - but that's the way it is with a lazy fuckwitted parrot, always ready with the bigotry, rarely ready to do some cool analysis ...

It was all proceeding as usual, but then the pond's plans were completely derailed, because out of right field came one of the world's greatest climate scientists and he was scribbling on the very area that the Major Mitchell was supposed to cover ... the mejia ...

Now here, as the pond mourned the loss of Clarke, it occurred to the pond to ask precisely what useful public purpose the jibber jabbering Moorice served? It could see a fine public purpose for John Clarke ...

Moorice? The pond couldn't see anything at all ...

But that momentary doubt was swept away by an exemplary piece, made all the spicier by Moorice having dipped his snout in the ABC trough for quite a time ...and by Tom Jellett doing his best to malign the brand.

Have you no shame, you banana hater?

What to do? Here was a potent argument that wogs should be made to think and talk like Moorice - think of the benefits to climate science - and yet the pond couldn't abandon the Major Mitchell in mid-squawk.

The pond would have to manage one of its infamous balancing acts ... a double-header.

Inevitably this would mean confused stray readers dropping off like flies ... but then that's the entire point of the pond's reptile observation ...once inoculated, many can develop an enduring resistance ...

So it was back to the Major Mitchell for another gobbet .. after all, if the aim is to post all evil, then posting a Major Mitchell is at the heart of the weevil matter ...

Now there are many marvels there, not least the grand way that the Major Mitchell claims Andrew West as "my former reporter."

That royal material "my", in the best possessory manner - if only we could have seen the wave of the royal hand - is a marvel to read.

The Major really is up himself in an enormously far way, is he not?

There were many arguments to consider, but having done Ali already, the pond instead turned to the matter of hundreds of homes being burned down ...

The pond was reminded of a story by Possum Comitatus at Crikey here.

Now the Possum possesses more statistical skills than the pond - the pond is lucky to know the seven times table - and the Possum began this 2010 story this way ...

Back in February of this year when a debate popped up in the media over the insulation program – if one loosely defines “debate” as screeching “OMG!! YOUR HOUSES ARE ALL GOING TO BURN DOWN” – we thought that it might be worthwhile for someone to take their underpants off their head and have a squiz at what the data actually said. What we found was that under every possible scenario, the government insulation program – far from increasing the rates of fire occurring from installing insulation – actually reduced the rate of fires and likely reduced the rate in a quite substantial manner.

Oh dear, and then after charts, and statistical analysis and thoughtful insights, the Possum ended the story this way ...

Well yes, that fits ...

The Major Mitchell regularly blows journalistic junk out of his arse, and is full of simplistic twaddle, and the pond hasn't even got on to the matter of climate science ...

But speaking of world famous climate scientists, Moorice was demanding his place in the sun, and attention had to be paid ...

Oh fuck, it's not just full of wogs, it's full of gay wogs ... why, it's insupportable ...and then came the little hoppy toad about a friend of the PM being installed as the new chairman ...

The sheer cheek, the unmitigated gall, the shock and the shame of a PM appointing a friend and ally to the role of ABC chairman ...

Oh dear, it was time to return to the Major Mitchell for a final gobbet ...

The tragedy of irrelevance. How many columns will the reptiles tolerate wherein the Major Mitchell squawks about his noble deeds as editor-in-chief?

It reminded the pond of another sociopath who kept on staring into mirrors to see what lay behind ...

As for young women unsure whether the Major Mitchell, News Corp, the Chairman and Fox News need a reformation, and the role of News Corp in world violence and the beginning of the Iraq war, the pond recommends boning up on how to sex up a document ...

(here for more weapons of mass deception).

But then News Corp and the Chairman are world-class liars, which makes the average Major Mitchell lie seem childish and parochial ...

And so to a final thought from the world's leading climate scientist ... and naturally being a member of the reptile group think tank, Moorice is an expert on group-think ...

Ah at last, a mention of climates science from Moorice, and the splendid news that the left control electricity generation, heavy manufacturing, mining and transportation. The pond always suspected that Gina was a closet leftie, possibly even a Marxist, and this Moorice insight confirms it ...

And since both the gentlemen mentioned their understanding of climate science as a wayward religion, perhaps this is the moment to link to Great Barrier Reef at 'terminal stage' ...

As for the rest, that talk of totalitarians nails it ... who wouldn't prefer Rupert Murdoch and his minions as exponents of truth, justice and fairness for all?

Well perhaps not John Clarke ...bless his socks.

Meanwhile, Moir has revived memories of a truly bad Australian movie ... the thought of Malware as a sobbing, tear-stained John Waters moved the pond in mysterious ways ... with more moving Moir here, though he seems to have fallen off the Fairfax listing of Fairfax cartoonists ...

And here's one for those still digesting their Oreo biscuit ...