In which the reptiles give the pond a good learning experience about the pleasures of clean green subsidies ...

Phew, that's the onerous 18C duties out of the way for the day. 

Thank the long absent lord there are always quislings, fellow travellers,  reptile lick spittles and cheerful, friendly apologists ready to line up to do their duty ...

Now what else is happening?

What's that you say? There's talk of the federal government subsidising energy?

Outrageous, shocking. Talk about conniptions on the pond ...

Sheesh, don't get the pond or the reptiles of Oz started.

We've been banging on for yonks about how appalling it is that the federal government should subsidise wind or solar energy or any of that other greenie nonsense.

The very thought of this kind of subsidy is preposterous. Let the marketplace decide. There's little doubt in this context that coal, glorious coal, would thrash these upstarts from a standing start, from scratch, and none of that Stall gift advantage...

We all know that solar is a source of rich humour at reptile bunker HQ in inner 'leet Surry Hills:

What a wag, what a wit, and so true and insightful, even if we had to supply it in "explained" form in case some Indian happened to be reading and was too stupid to understand the joke ...

We are all free marketeers here, well at least until the Donald tells us not to be, which is possibly going to happen sometime soon ...

What's that you say? 

It's not a subsidy for wind or solar, it's a subsidy for coal, glorious coal, it's Aussie coal, coal, coal for the world, oi, oi, oi?

Well that puts an entirely different cast on the idea. 

It sounds intriguing, it sounds sensible, no, it sounds positively compelling and captivating, and well worth a top of the front page splash ...

Excellent, and never you mind what "new clean-coal" might mean. 

Just say it over and over, mantra style, and it will all become clear and clean, like good coal should, and in a lickety-split trice, no doubt Barners will be on side too ...

By golly, that's here at the Graudian, and you can always rely on the agrarian socialists to come through. 

They can recognise the power of a subsidy, especially if it's for clean coal - please, the pond asked you not to ask what meaningless blather about "clean" actually meant - rather than those despicable, quite unclean, likely pretty filthy wind and solar thingies that pollute the skies and the land and ruin everything ...

But even with all this reassurance, the pond still isn't certain.

There are lingering doubts about this talk of federal subsidies. Why, surely the Oz editorialist will be outraged, shocked, indignant ...

Hmm, that's sounding positive. Maybe the pond can learn to love Caterist grants and Commonwealth subsidies and clean, green coal, which is sure to save the world from non-existent climate change, promoted by climate scientists who are hapless pawns in the perfidious UN's devious plans to establish world government by the end of the month ... or so Dame Slap tells the pond ...

Hmm, that was pretty boring, almost as tedious as the simpering, smirking fart managed to sound in person yesterday ... and which this day sent Dame Groan off into something of a frenzy ...

Gutless, but at least he's prepared to spend up big on getting himself the gig ... a pity the same never happened for broadband ...

But as usual, the lure of the reading riches on offer in reptile la la land have made the pond digress... now we must get back on track, like the little engine that could, and stop romping in the meadows with flowers in the hair ... naughty hippie Tootle, get back to shovelling that clean coal into you!

Clean-coal technology!

And the reptiles couldn't agree more ...

Oh sure there's a few quibbles, and talk of costs and of 'investment', which is a much wiser word than subsidy, in much the same way as a Caterist grant is an investment in Australia's future rich intellectual property, with nations clamouring to buy their share of clean green Caterism ...

But Tootle has at least been given an amber light, and provided the talk is of coal, coal, coal a green light is sure to follow ...

Or did the pond get the metaphor wrong?

This day the infallible Pope suggests that Malware is driving a super-hot old school vehicle and look at the big set of boots he's got on the back ... talk about coal-powered, talk about the rubber hitting the road ... talk about clean coal, and federal subsidies in a good cause ... (and more Papal infallibility here) ...