In which the pond calls on a few choice words to deal with the Oreo ...

The pond made the mistake of watching CNN's History of Comedy the other day ...

Don't ask why. The pond is being continually led astray by the logarithms, and the pond has absolutely no taste or intelligence ... anyone who can follow the reptiles in their folly is testament to that truth.

Anyway, there they were, all the old names ... Lenny Bruce, George Carlin, Redd Foxx,  Richard Pryor, and so on and so forth, delivering all their rich, profanity- and obscenity-laced routines ...

There was much talk of freedom of speech and first amendment rights, and ground-breaking, and transforming, and back-patting ... 

And every "motherfucker" and "cocksucker" and all the rest of Carlin's seven words that can't be said on television, along with many more, were bleeped ...

Bleeped ... and asterisked ... so that when comedians were asked to guess Carlin's words, when they attempted to recall them with the aid of a board, the words were once again bleeped and blooped ...

Just for the record the routine went this way ...

There are 400,000 words in the English language, and there are seven you can’t say on television. What a ratio that is! 399,993 to 7. They must really be baaaad. They must be OUTRAGEOUS to be separated from a group that large. “All of you words over here, you seven….baaaad words.” That’s what they told us, right? …You know the seven, don’t ya? That you can’t say on TV? Shit, piss, fuck, cunt, cocksucker, motherfucker and tits.

And nothing, absolutely nothing, has changed. They still can't be said on television, not even on cable.

So much for freedom of speech and the heroic transformations wrought by comedians ...

It helped the pond understand just how mindlessly stupid CNN was as a network ... for this, they expect people to pay money?

It also helped the pond understand just how messed up are things in the United States. They have a President who boasts of groping pussies, and they can't cope with a few swear words? The network couldn't have put up a card at the start - heck at every ad break if they liked - saying the show dealt with adult and blue comedians, and if people were afraid of a few swear words they could bugger off?

Meanwhile, as the pond returned to its allotted task of tracking the reptiles, its Sisyphean exercise in futility, a couple of aspirational columnists put up their hands this morning.

Little Timmie Bleagh wanted to see if he could enter the competition and match Peta in celebrating coal ...

The judges threw up their hands in horror, and immediately disqualified little Timmie.

Any fuckwit fuckwitted enough to use Bradman as a metaphor had no place in the competition.

There, you see, CNN? These words have their uses and their purposes ...

How else to explain the interminable bullshit of the Bolter, crusading yet again against Malware?

I mean, just look at the logic. Lesser evil is not good enough, so much more evil must be way good enough?

No, the pond had no time for these rank old-timers, the pond had better fish to fry or cheesecake-laden biscuits to munch ...

Not the Oreo, the pond can hear people shriek.

Holy caped crusader, the Oreo battling to defend the legacy of the west?

What was that legacy again?

I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a man nailed to two pieces of wood...

Religion has convinced people that there’s an invisible man…living in the sky, who watches everything you do every minute of every day. And the invisible man has a list of ten specific things he doesn’t want you to do. And if you do any of these things, he will send you to a special place, of burning and fire and smoke and torture and anguish for you to live forever, and suffer and burn and scream until the end of time. But he loves you. He loves you and he needs money... 
The real reason that we can’t have the Ten Commandments in a courthouse: You cannot post “Thou shalt not steal,” “Thou shalt not commit adultery,” and “Thou shalt not lie” in a building full of lawyers, judges, and politicians. It creates a hostile work environment.

Oh yes, the glories of western civilisation ...

Have you ever wondered why Republicans are so interested in encouraging people to volunteer in their communities? It’s because volunteers work for no pay. Republicans have been trying to get people to work for no pay for a long time... 
Once you leave the womb, conservatives don’t care about you until you reach military age. Then you’re just what they’re looking for. Conservatives want live babies so they can raise them to be dead soldiers.

But enough of George trying to distract the pond, not while we have an Oreo to hand ...

Has it come to this? The Oreo starts off with Trump, and somehow magically and mysteriously ends up jabbering on about family piety and public honour, and in consequence a life of dignity and order?

What fucking planet does this fucking woman live on?

Almost every word, certainly every line is a gem of stupidity and nonsense in the age of Donald. Run that last one over the back palate and linger over the flavour, savouring its full resonance ...

The final doctrine of Kirk’s conservatism is “national humility”. Here, Kirk defines the nation state as vital to the preservation of Western civilisation. Politicians are urged to humble themselves in the light of the Western tradition instead of indulging in cheap egoism by promoting policies that buy them votes, but weaken the West.

Put it another way: There are nights when the wolves are silent and only the moon howls.

Or another way:

I say, “Live and let live.” That’s my motto. “Live and let live.” Anyone who can’t go along with that, take him outside and shoot the motherfucker. It’s a simple philosophy, but it’s always worked in our family.

And so back to the Oreo for a final steaming pile of nonsense ...

The Oreo stands on the shoulder of giants? The Oreo stands on the brink of insanity ...

It is impossible to begin to analyse the assorted stupidities, nonsensical errors and mystical blindness to history in that assembly of gobbledegook, not least the way that the uniquely Western idea of citizenship, influenced by Christianity, leads to the secular democratic state ...

It's so impossibly stupid, so recalcitrant, so dumb, that the pond suddenly understood the serendipity of CNN running its comedy history ... the pond would be in urgent need of obscenities and profanities to deal with its Oreo emergency ...

... especially as, at the end, it seems that western secular civilisation comes down to one thing: Ban the Islamics ...

And that's the way the world ends. Not with a whimper, but an Oreo bang ...

But look, the pond is also disturbed by the breakdown of western civilisation. Some good and important things have been lost, or marked down for urgent sale ...

Oh no, and made in China too ...

And even worse, Ripley continues in mortal fear ...