The Terrorists have noticed it's hot today, as it was yesterday, and as a measure of the seriousness they even stripped a bikini-clad girl out of the digital splash and replaced her with a thermometer ...
It then fell to Peta to accept the pond challenge for the day ... to write a piece about energy which scrupulously avoided mentioning climate change and climate science and the whole damn irritating, annoying useless thing ... and then let the reptiles make it a premium effort, well worth some cash in the paw, or cash in the reptile till ...
Ah, that demonic windmill is a heartening sign ... why, in their other splash for the piece, the reptiles had favoured some sort of rainbow ... as if energy was some sort of Christ-figure energising the sky ...
And so to the Peta challenge ... with the pond calling in a panel of judges to see if this day she would score the "clean dinkum Aussie coal" gold medal award, oi, oi, oi ...
An excellent start ...
The pond noted the pirouette past previous power shortages and the excellent rolling out of green ideology producing the dark ages, just as green ideology produced the dark ages in Tamworth long ago ...
The judges were on to it to, and called it as a solid 7 out of 10 start ...
The pond noted the pirouette past previous power shortages and the excellent rolling out of green ideology producing the dark ages, just as green ideology produced the dark ages in Tamworth long ago ...
The judges were on to it to, and called it as a solid 7 out of 10 start ...
They were impressed by the mention of a heatwave and talk of obsession with renewable energy, and yet nary a hint or a mention of climate science ...
Surely this obsession would lead to a more appropriate fixation, a delight that dazzles the rustic mind ...
Surely this obsession would lead to a more appropriate fixation, a delight that dazzles the rustic mind ...
Oh what undiluted joy it is to see sheer delight on a Barners' face. And what about all the memes it produced?
Oh indeed, but surely this was the photo of the week, as Barners showed his powers with the Force ...
It floats ...
And so to the next round. Will Peta sustain her form and style, or will she wilt and falter?
This is not the coal you are looking for ...
And so to the next round. Will Peta sustain her form and style, or will she wilt and falter?
Oh there's that lovely rainbow again, and more talk of renewable energy - hiss boo - and the good old-fashioned days of coal, and renewable energy hiss boo, and in a hit - a palpable hit - not a single mention of climate science ...
This is a pretty touch challenge, and the judges are rating Peta's effort as a solid 8 out of 10 effort ...
But these marathon biathlon events demand resilience along with an unerring capacity to focus on a very small target.
Can Peta keep it up? Will climate science, that devious, cunning wretch, sneak into a corner and ponce and preen?
Can Peta keep it up? Will climate science, that devious, cunning wretch, sneak into a corner and ponce and preen?
That mention of green dreams and renewable energy targets - hiss boo - and the cheering on of coal-fired power stations have forced the judges to go to 9 out of 10 ...
See how Pete's old colleagues celebrate ...
See how Pete's old colleagues celebrate ...
Will she drop the ball at the last moment? Will she stumble as her foot catches a hurdle?
Look, the reptiles have given her that photo of the lump of coal photo as an incentive ... can she delight Barners the way coal does?
Look, the reptiles have given her that photo of the lump of coal photo as an incentive ... can she delight Barners the way coal does?
Of course clean Australian coal is a bit like talking about clean Australian cigarettes, but sadly the pond's judges had to mark Peta's final effort down.
They did commend the use of the word "zealot".
It is well known for example that Darwin was an evolution zealot and as for Einstein it is incontrovertibly true that he was an E=MC² zealot.
It's also true that the use of "zealot" generates hostility and leads to responses such as "well she's a class A fuckwit", but that's an important part of generating a simplistic, heated argument, whereby any intelligent points can be swept aside.
It is well known for example that Darwin was an evolution zealot and as for Einstein it is incontrovertibly true that he was an E=MC² zealot.
It's also true that the use of "zealot" generates hostility and leads to responses such as "well she's a class A fuckwit", but that's an important part of generating a simplistic, heated argument, whereby any intelligent points can be swept aside.
Unfortunately, while introducing the concept of zealotry - after all, scientists in general are zealots and their religious love of science is pure zealotry of a fanatical fundamentalist kind - Peta slipped up and introduced the words "climate change".
Now Peta only did so in the form of "climate change zealots," but still the challenge was to avoid mentioning climate change or climate science in any way.
The judges were very excited at the way that Peta had blamed comrade Bill for talking of harbourside mansions and rich people, when Peta herself had invented the harbourside mansions slur against Malware ...
That showed a fine capacity to recover and finish in style, with a flourish...
What a disappointment that she had that momentary stumble ...
That showed a fine capacity to recover and finish in style, with a flourish...
What a disappointment that she had that momentary stumble ...
All in all, the judges thought it a solid effort, and noted that the contestant did manage to avoid any substantive discussion of climate science, and what might be done about it...
In their final notes on the performance, they did praise the contestant for wafting and waffling on in an elegant way about fictional clean coal, with nary a mention of the current remarkable costs involved to arrive at anything remotely resembling clean coal.
With the score sheets assembled, the pond was pleased to announce that the judges had deemed it a 7 out of 10 effort, with one suggestion by the judges to improve the performance next competition ...
In their final notes on the performance, they did praise the contestant for wafting and waffling on in an elegant way about fictional clean coal, with nary a mention of the current remarkable costs involved to arrive at anything remotely resembling clean coal.
With the score sheets assembled, the pond was pleased to announce that the judges had deemed it a 7 out of 10 effort, with one suggestion by the judges to improve the performance next competition ...
Next time ,rather than mentioning "climate change zealots", it would be easy to score championship gold and 10 out of 10 if Peta stuck to wording such as "green fundamentalist zealots who want to return the world to medieval times when candles were the only source of light" ...
"Medievalist zealots" would have solved her problems altogether ... though the judges would also have accepted "fanatical fundamentalist scientific zealots" ...
It is clearly possible to avoid mentioning climate science and climate change altogether, while still getting the message across.
The judges pointed out that it's particularly clever to label the opposition with derogatory, abusive which might in other circumstances be applied to oneself ...
Never mind, that silver medal gleans brightly in Peta's News Corp cabinet, a tribute to a closed mind, and the judges trust that she and her supporters will be able to bask in the warm glow from the heat which now caresses the world and produces that warm rainbow of delightful energy ...
Around this point the pond would usually end with a cartoon ...
But how about a letter instead?
Not the coal you are looking for ... ? Indeed, indeed, that is a lump of metallurgical coal, used for producing steel, not thermal coal used for power generation. In the context of the energy debate, it is indeed clean coal, since it will never be burnt to power our air conditioners.
ReplyDeleteBut Peta badly missed I'm afraid. In saying the coalition is up against "Labour and the Greens, and climate change zealots", especially with that errant comma, she is implying that the Greens are not climate change zealots.
I suspect she might be in for a severe finger-wagging from Uncle Rupert about that suggestion.