In which the hears the sound of duelling banjos, onion-muncher lover Cate and a little bit of Frank ...

The twang of duelling banjos?

Nope, it's the twang of duelling memes ... with the Donald a clear winner ...

How could the Terrorists match that?

It's not a bad likeness, both in soul and physical form, but really it's only a provincial, parochial common or garden Adelaide rat, and we see similar such rats all the time scuttling about in Newtown ...

The Donald on the other hand? Well the Donald is a Morning Joe devotee, and the pond can guarantee that being exposed to Morning Joe for more than three consecutive days will lead unerringly to barking madness and howling at the moon ... or to reading The New Yorker's Donald Trump is the "TV reality" president.

The pyjama-clad lonely wanderer in the corridors of power, or so he appeared at the NY Times here, is like a tormented Godzilla lashing out at all those around him. How long before he nukes someone just to prove he has the power?

It's slowly dawning on the Yanks that they've got a live one here, a meme generator of the first water ...

What can the Terrorists offer to match that?

Well early this morning they featured a story about the way Theresa May was a Trump tamer ...

This nonsense was scribbled by a PR flack - oh it's desperate times at the Terror - presumably before the Speaker of the House said the Donald wasn't welcome, but in good time to have heard the panic the Poms are in about introducing the Godzilla from America to their 90 year old majesty ...

Well silly surreal times call for silly surreal scribblers, but the pond fancied something on the parochial front, and sure enough, the reptiles served up some sweet Cate, a kind of prose poem to the stars which spangled heaven and the onion muncher's face with such heavenly beauty ...

A  populist powerhouse? But surely it's Cory that's going to make Australia great again?

It's a war zone out there - the Bolter and Miranda the Devine are at each other's throats, with the Bolter enduring a living hell ...

Google it if you like - it's too exquisite, it's too Devine, the Bolter an irascible useless fill-in?

And elsewhere, Cory and the onion muncher at each other's throats, as recorded at Fairfax here, with forced living hell video, and Cory at Malware's throat, and sweet Cate thinks the onion muncher is the solution?

Well, it's not Trump delusional, but it's dinkum local delusional ... to hell with the American memes ...

Let's feel the local Berne ...

If nothing else, that reminds the pond of the state of things in Murdochian la la land.

You see, the Terrorists might publish sweet Cate from their inner Sydney 'leet Surry Hills bunker, but once it hits the full to overflowing intertubes, it spreads like a cockroach across the Murdoch brand and the dinkum oi oi oi land, and soon innocent croweaters cop the story in their in box ... eek, there's a Bolter and a George in there too!

Momentarily puzzled, and in that instant she understood her appeal?

You can't write cricket stories that sound any sillier than that ...

Her appeal is that she's as dumb as a stick and this is news? 

Please explain ... no, wait, please, another meme and another front page talking of betraying rats ...

The Terrorists knew the sort of pressure they were under with sweet Cate's story, so they tried to lighten the mood with a dazzling illustration ...

Sad!

It was only through an exceptional act of will - Nietzsche would have been pleased - that the pond ignored the rampaging Godzilla Donald and returned to the local story ...

Oh look, the two strands came together there ... 

The Trump card, which is to say a barking mad watcher of cable TV and with an out of control Twitter handle and a sinister Svengali ... and a pandering Cate, ever so ready to fling about adoring conciliatory words ...

Hmm, that line does work with every New Yorker cartoon ever invented .. and so to make Australia great again ...

Indeed, indeed, no doubt the toad from the north is alarmed at all aspects of identity politics, and possibly identity journalists, but there are many ways to be alarmed and worried in politics these days ...

Now anybody who staggered this far, and so almost reached the end will realise that the pond has reached the point where it can't take anything seriously ... especially the Terrorists pumping up Pauline, so that they can propose a solution ...

There's always a rich laugh in the Terrorist comedy stylings, but it peaks with sweet Cate's pumping up of the onion muncher and giving him a call as the Pauline buster ... it having worked so well the last time he conspired to send her to the clink ... and indeed a conspiracy it was ...

Ashby pushing the onion muncher, as the way to appeal to populist conservatives, and such is the love, devotion and loyalty that sweet Cate buys it whole ...

This is the new solution?

Sorry Cory, step aside, sweet Cate has scribbled ...

By golly, if the Greeks still had their wooden horse, the pond would forward it on at once to sweet Cate ...

Truly, the devotion and the loyalty is touching, and the pond felt so moved and touched it recalled one of its ancient musical pleasures ...

I never will forget those nights.
I wonder if it was a dream.
Remember how you made me crazy,
Sipping on that onion-flavoured cream,
Remember how I made you scream
With that tangy red onion cultivar supreme
I don't understand what happened to our love.
But, baby, I'm gonna get you back,
Maybe running with Pauline and Cory
At the head of the ratbag pack ...
I'm gonna show you what I'm made of.
I can see you, your brown onion skin shining in the sun.
I see you walking real slow
And you're flashing your onion smile at everyone.
And I can tell you my love for you will still be strong
After the Corys of summer have gone.
Out on the road today I saw a Deadhead sticker on a Cadillac.
A little voice inside my head said:
"Don't look back, you can never look back."
I thought I knew what onion love was.
What did I know? Those onion days are gone forever.
I should just let 'em go, but I can see you,
Your brown onion skin shining in the sun.
You got that top layer skin pulled down,
And that radio on, baby.
And I can tell you my love for you will still be strong,
After the Corys of summer have gone.

And while the pond was in the mood for a little vegetable music, here's a little Frank ...

And as the pond is a pedant, and there are possibly a few visiting pedants, it's worth noting that the excerpt above truncates the music, which runs on in the original album, and before any pedant can protest, here it is on YouTube ... who needs music on RN? Well at least while the link stays up ...