In which the pond goes light-headed and Friday giddy thanks to the Oz editorialist and the dog botherer ...

"Snark is the angry fanfare attending journalism's decline", David Denby's book solemnly assured the pond, but the pond isn't angry ... more bemused, at least when not indulging in hollow Treasure of Sierra Madre laughs ...

The pond doesn't have much time left on the planet and will likely avoid the worst of the rapture, though perhaps not all of the financial chaos and climate change the Donald will help come to pass ....

And journalism's decline pretty much managed itself, thanks to the cavortings of the Chairman and his reptile minions...

And so to the day's reading ...

A pond reader urged the pond to enter this Danby piece into its pandering competition, but if Morning Joe can ban Kellyanne Conway for daily fibbing, the pond must reject any piece that begins in its splash with an outright lie ...

There's very little evidence that Netanyahu wants two states, as opposed to settlers taking over as much land as they can grab, while anyone identifying as Palestinian is herded into shrinking gulags ...

There's probably a good reason that Israel was so keen to establish a nuclear relationship with South Africa in the good old days of apartheid.

So unfortunately Danby was disqualified before he got out of the starter blocks. There's pandering and then there's arrant nonsense, and Danby isn't pandering, just delivering more of the alternative facts that crowd into the lizard of Oz each day ... 

But at least it does allow the pond to marvel at the body language of Netanyahu up against the Donald.

Talk of a cat who scored a full bowl of cream, talk about a bumbling patsy, and above all, talk of a Netanyahu who almost couldn't believe his luck. You could almost hear him channeling Kerry Packer: "You only get one Donald Trump in a lifetime and I've had mine."

Meanwhile the jihadists at the lizard Oz were in full cry this day ...

Fanatical, crazed, obsessed ... and scribbling on a daily basis about Safe Schools ... 

Hatred of queers, hated of women? is there a better sign of jihadist fundamentalism and bilious bigotry?

The pond can't think of one ... oh wait, there's another example, right there  ...

Moving right along, that took the pond to the Oz editorialist ...

Snark? More a rich snort at the reptile routines ...

"Our values of equality?"

As in berating Safe Schools for wanting to prevent the sort of bullying that the pond experienced at school?

Of course just over the digital page there was this reminder of a recent example of the values of equality we should be exporting ...

Ah well, it's old glass ceiling media, and it's on its way out ...

Showing them how it's done Daily Terror. Yep, this day in its attention-seeking splash showed a remarkable sensitivity as it delighted in Australian values ... of the ambulance-chasing, nude pics kind ...

Budget fire? Sorry, tits, nudity, tits ...

Gorgeous George? Sorry, tits, nudity, tits ... and a bit of white powder snorting. Did she get advice on how to do it from Akker Dakker?

How do they expect to be taken seriously in a tits and bum rag?

Sorry, the pond was going to read that Oz editorial ... what's the bet it'll take a stray Islamic woman who dared to pop her head above the parapet and so deserved a good pummelling from the reptile jihadists?

It's the tone of righteous indignation that's always the surest sign of the rigid barking mad jihadist fundamentalist ...

And naturally, because the fundamentalists travel in a jihadist pack, there was a sensitive, subtle, delicate, thoughtful and tasteful Bill Leak cartoon to reveal the exact and precise nature of the reptile thinking ...

Pure class. Just remember this example of distilled racism because it'll come in handy down the page.

It also reminded the pond of another cartoonist ...

It's great to be here. The only way I would've been here is Kirralie asked me to be here. Because she's true. She really is. I don't know if many people know just how good she is. She's battled with Halal choices thing, which is awful thing that's going on. This 13- or is it 3 trillion dollar business they've got. Let's be honest, I can't stand muslims, right? I just can't stand 'em. If they're in the same street as me, I start shaking. I've gotta go home and do a cartoon on 'em. But they're not all bad, they do chuck pillow-biters off buildings, I 'spose.

Oh those good old Australian values of equality.

And let's not forget Herr Ross ...

Sieg Heil Ross and sock it to us ...

You take someone like Socrates, a captain of free speech. You know, according to some historians might have had an attraction. Might have had a bit of same-sex attraction to some of his students. Hadrian, who build 'the wall'. Hadrian built the wall. You know, he was on the right track. Hadrian fell in love with a young Greek boy, Antinous, who fell off the back of a barge and drowned. I'm sure they were probably snorting coke at the time. And Hadrian was so heartbroken by this experience that he made Antinous a god and made statues of him all over the Roman empire. They're still being discovered to this day - one of the most common artifacts. Now, I know, the NSW division of the Liberal Party is basically a gay club. And I don't mind that most of our parliamentary class is gay. I just wish, like Hadrian, they'd build a damn wall. That would be my preference.

Oh those good old Australian values of equality.

There's plenty more at Fairfax ... diligent Georgina Mitchell sat down and transcribed the speeches and they can be read at Fairfax here, if you mind the forced video ...

And so back to the final reptile Oz editorial gobbet - perhaps they can get a gay joke out of "gobbet" while they're at it ...

As a secular atheist, naturally the pond was disturbed. Anything that creates a false impression of Australian values is deplorable. After all, the pond wouldn't want Larry Pickering, Ross Cameron or the jihadists of Oz to be falsely misrepresented abroad ...

But what were these values? The pond still wasn't quite sure ... but then that reference to British institutions gave the pond a clue ... a guide to the very real and invaluable contribution that the Chairman and his minions have made to western civilisation ...

Attention Charles Sturt University. Did you realise you were advertising on a soft porn site?

Stand by for outraged and righteous reptile indignation about that one. Fairfax reptiles, see how it's done in a respectable way ...

Around this point, the pond was yet again reminded of that old Woody Allen joke: "Two elderly women readers of the Oz are standing on the pedestrian crossing outside the 'leet Surry Hills bunker, and one of 'em says, "Boy, the crappy cartoons and editorials they produce at this place are really terrible." The other one says, "Yeah, I know; and so short and such small portions too." Well, that's essentially how the pond feels about life - full of loneliness, and misery, and suffering, and unhappiness, and reading bullshit Oz editorials, and marvelling at racist Bill Leak cartoons, and yet the snark is all over much too quickly."

As a result, the pond decided to press on. Remember that tease of a dog botherer splash?

Sublime really that the Iraq war loving dog botherer should talk of ignorance ... see what a fine scrambled egg mess he and his master made of Iraq ... see how from this fetid position of destructive stupidity the dog botherer howls at the moon and the greenies ...

Oh wait, that's just the header ...

Let's get into the deep, sophisticated argument, no doubt almost as arcane and Roman as Ross Cameron in full flight ...

Sheesh, that's creepy, downright weird ... maybe this is a cultural value that should be exported, and the sooner the better...

A race-baiting newspaper? Well it has a prime racist as its featured cartoonist ... see, the pond told you that the Leak would come in handy.

But it was the shortness of the dog botherer rage that was perhaps most remarkable, as if after a little huffing and puffing the dear lad had run out of breath. Thank the long absent lord he isn't feeling any guilt about helping fuck over Iraq. It seems another bomb went off in the streets the other day ... some lucky people made the grade, just by standing next to a car ...

It reminded the pond yet again of that old Woody Allen joke: "Two elderly women readers of the Oz are standing on the pedestrian crossing outside the 'leet Surry Hills bunker, and one of 'em says, "Boy, the crappy stories they produce at this place are really terrible." The other one says, "Yeah, I know; and so short and such small portions too." Well, that's essentially how the pond feels about life - full of loneliness, and misery, and suffering, and unhappiness, and reading bilious dog botherer bile and nonsense and anger-laden bullshit, and yet the snark is all over much too quickly."

Meanwhile a valiant figure struggles on in his attempt to deliver justice and freedom to all, exemplifying all that's best in Australian cultural life  and dinkum snout in trough values... and you can find more papal piety here ...

And as the pond started with the Donald, it makes a nicely circular flourish to finish with the Donald, thanks to Rowe, and as always, more exemplary Rowe here ...

Thankfully there's no need to repeat the irony of the Donald celebrating the leaks and demanding more leaks from the Russians, only to decide that leaks were sad and bad. The Leak might be sad and bad, but some leaks can be fun ...

That little blue bird is a nice finishing touch ...

Barking mad, and yet the dog botherer thinks it's the greenies howling at the moon ...