In which Dame Slap takes out the pond competition ...

The pond has been holding an irregular, intermittent competition amongst the reptiles to see who could get away with traducing renewable energy (and South Australia and love and pain and black-outs and the whole damn thing) without actually mentioning climate science and climate change ...

Brave lass Dame Slap put up her hand, and if she's game, the pond is game ...

After all, this is a scribbler for the Catholic Boys' Daily (plus a few token girls) who bravely explained that climate science was merely a clever front for a United Nations intent on introducing world government ... though strangely that was written a few years back, and the pond has never spotted a black helicopter overhead, despite maintaining a 24/7/365 watch in the back yard (oh we do see plenty of Boeing 737s and love to count their third runway rivets).

Never mind, because the Dame gets off to a truly exceptional start musing and meditating about hippies and the kibbutz experiment.

Talk of progressives and misguided ideologies and failed experiments are surely the best way to distract attention from talk of climate science - after all Dame Slap trained as a lawyer and is clueless about science when asked to step outside the tent and away from Lord Monckton and his mates ...

What better way to begin to brood about green dreamers and utopian dreams, and never mind the odd scorch mark on the planet ...

Now the pond's judges were in awe of the skill of Dame Slap ... it was such a clever ploy.

Instead of mentioning climate science or climate change, use greenies or hippies or deluded Jewish socialists and talk of green energy religions and such like and so forth ...

A few spiteful judges wanted to mark down the Dame for failing to mention the Amish (pandering to the pond's desire to boast about having been to Intercourse) and the failure of Stalin's five year plans, but others, on a euphoric high and singing Californian Dreamin' ruled them out of order ...

These ecstatic judges immediately called for the final Dame Slap gobbet, sensing a winner was at hand ...

There was some consternation and disappointment amongst a few of the judges, with Dame Slap referring to Mark Butler as climate change and energy spokesman ...

Somehow despite her best endeavours that wretched non-existence alternative fact full of fake news and science had crept it ...

But the majority of the judges were prepared to allow it. After all, Butler does speak on matters of climate, and his official title was Shadow Minister for Environment, Climate Change and Water and that became Shadow Minister for Climate Change and Energy.

Let's face it the town of Intercourse is a town and talking of it doesn't necessarily involve actual sexual intercourse. Besides, it would have been difficult to label Butler a greenie spokesperson when he's obviously a pinko pervert socialist commie red ...

As for the rest, the judges thought that Dame Slap maintained excellent form, and kept up the references to greenies to the bitter end.

The judges particularly liked the way that she dragged in the kibbutz movement back into the fray, up there with the Caterist ability to reference the unfairness of gay rights, no matter what the context ...

In short, the pond's judges decided it was by far the best entry. After all, the point of the competition was avoid any actual mention of climate science, while deriding any attempt to deal with it.

It was as full-blooded a celebration and example of the art of dog-whistling to come within cooee of an eleven out of ten.

To finalise the competition, the judges decided to look to the dogs, to see if the dogs had caught the actual intent of said whistling ...

The judges were delighted with the results ... the dogs were in an uproar, and they knew it was all about climate change ...

On and on the dogs went, howling at the moon and hippies and green dreams ... and some followed Dame Slap's lead, refusing to mention climate science ... because everyone knows it's a fraud perpetrated by Higher Education!!

Gosh darn it, there's too much larnin' in these here parts Cleetus ...

There's always a prize in any competition, and the pond has decided to give Dame Slap a dog whistle and a year's supply of dog whistle cartoons, handy at any time to remind her of the strength of her work ... her kraft durch freude if you will ...

Here's a voucher for the whistle, as used and recommended by expert "climate science is a Chinese conspiracy" denialists ...

And here's the sort of cartoons that Dame Slap can use to decorate her classroom in the land of Slap up above the faraway tree (at least and until climate change kills the tree):