So you want a conspiracy theory? How's this for Julie Bishop and a conspiracy theory ...

It's Sunday, time to catch up on a few pond favourites.

How's the Daily Terror and the immortal Hadders going at correcting a fundamental, first class, futtocking failure of the facts?

Nope, two days and counting, and the error still stands, and, if the pond may deploy an understated Tamworthism, Hadley is sounding as fuckwitted as ever, and the Terror as reliable as ever. 

Oh what a lovely sticker.

There were a couple more comments:

Never mind the typos, amen comrade Reggie, bravely done. The pond understands why an apostrophe might get displaced or a word mis-spelled when wandering in that vale of tears ...

Now how about the delusional Poodle?

Yes, as delusional as ever, but what's interesting about that tweet - if you rush off to the poodle's twittering here - is that it came out on 20th November, and thereafter there's been silence.

Has it finally dawned on the poodle and his mincing minions that their excursions into social media have been pathetic, counter-productive and risible? In point of fact hysterically funny?

Steady, you'd have to be on the kool aid yourself to fancy that the poodle had that level of self-awareness.

Meanwhile, Quentin Dempster, who fronts one of the duller, worthier (and rarely watched by the pond) parochial shows on the ABC finally distinguished himself with an insight:

You can read the story itself if you like, here, but the pond was happy enough just to see the bullshit artist himself, caught by the magic of the camera, in a reflective moment where he clearly realises he is a bullshit artist.

Turnbull is - if the pond may indulge in a form of Tamworth classism - that peculiar form of eastern suburbs breed, smug, pompous, certain via his ego of his skills - who while going about the business of wrecking the NBN and the ABC - thinks he can get away with it, via a nice suit, a charming smile, honeyed words and a suave use of the tongue. 

But there's only so far you can get with quisling behaviour and smarmy self-justification, and it has to be said, QD style, with bullshit. The price Turnbull will pay for his fellow travelling and forelock tugging, and his recent contorted linguistic justifications for same, will be that he's always perceived as slippery, a bullshit artist, not the sort of chap you'd want to buy a used NBN from, let alone actually run the country. In short, the Albert Speer of the regime ...

Meanwhile, the work of other diligent beavers is finally beginning to surface:

It took a long time for the news about Jakarta to reach the top of the digital page at the Oz, but this is hardly surprising.

Like Scott Morrison, the reptiles probably assume unilateralism describes the sort of bike you need for a circus act.

Meanwhile, the white anting and the undermining continues.

Now the pond would like to make it clear that it is in no way promoting Julie Bishop as future leader of the Liberal party. Who cares which clown gets the job as leader of the circus clowns?

But Bishop's career trajectory is taking on an interesting curve. Firstly, she went into bat for Abbott and Greg 'wiki the walrus' Hunt and the bantam Newman over the reef and Obama and the whole damn thing ...

No one could question her loyalty, or her stupidity, under fire.

Now comes the surest sign the pond has yet seen that Bishop intends to take over from Tony Abbott, and sooner rather than later.

Oh sure, the signal comes in the guise of a monumentally, breathtakingly trivial story which is dressed up by the Fairfaxians as "Breaking Politics", but which in reality is this:

You can read the rest of Latika Bourke's report here - it makes the study of navel fluff seem like a philosophical endeavour   and the report handily also contains a forced video featuring Bishop doing a gay hallway encounter with "entertainment reporter" Nelson Aspen featuring show biz goss and Broadway tunes. Look how she laughs with glee ...

The "breaking politics" report concludes with some momentous information and stunning insights:

Julie Bishop can't recall or won't say the last time she had a holiday, "some time ago," she laughs. Bob Carr constantly complained about the jet lag involved with the job, but Bishop has a simple method for dealing with the lack of sleep. "I just don't think about it". 
Liberal MPs Kelly O'Dwyer and Wyatt Roy say Julie Bishop is a "rock star" in their electorates but her star factor is being noticed abroad. A tragic Sleepless in Seattle fan, we visited the SixtyFive bar next to New York's iconic Rainbow Room to see the view. "It's just like Sleepless" she exclaimed excitedly taking a quick photo snap of the illuminated Empire State Building with her iPhone 6. A group of Canadians asked her to take their picture and she happily obliged. When they learned she was Australia's Foreign Minister they sent over a bottle of champagne and were back for selfies. At the end of the evening, the staff took her especially into the Rainbow Room, which was closed to all other visitors. She was in Meg Ryan heaven, reliving one of her favourite film scenes. 
Entertainment reporter Nelson Aspen was star-struck when he saw the minister's entourage entering the same television studios and begged to meet her. Bishop was fielding tough questions on live television back home about her rebuke of President Obama's climate-change speech but showed no sign of any pressure as she met Aspen, a self-confessed "great admirer" in a five-minute break between her back-to-back interviews. The pair traded Hollywood gossip and discovered a shared admiration of Australia's Hugh Jackman who appeared at the United Nations during the week where the Foreign Affairs Minister chaired several sessions of the Security Council before Australia's presidency and UNSC membership expires. 

Yes, it's guaranteed to shrivel any remaining brain cells in a kind of Wolverine death slash.

But here's the clue, buried in all the star-struck guff. For convenience, please allow the pond to borrow the crucial scene from the film's wiki - after all, if it's good enough for Greg Hunt in his hunt for southern walri, it's good enough for all of us:

With Jessica's help, Jonah flies to New York without Sam's permission and goes to the Empire State Building searching for Annie. Jonah goes to the observation deck and asks every unattached woman if she is Annie. Sam, distraught, follows Jonah and finds him on the observation deck. Meanwhile, Annie has seen the skyscraper from the Rainbow Room where she is dining with Walter and confesses her doubts to him. They amicably end their engagement. She rushes to the Empire State Building but is told that the observation deck is closed. Annie convinces the guard to let her go to the observation deck after mentioning An Affair to Remember (which the guard replies is his wife's favorite movie) and arrives just moments after the doors to the down elevator close with Sam and Jonah inside. (the rest of the plot for Sleepless in Seattle here).

There, you see. Not only have we established Bishop as a hopeless romantic, but her favourite scene is set in the Rainbow Room, and it's the one where Meg Ryan amicably ends her engagement to Bill Pullman.

Don't you see? Tony Abbott is Bill Pullman ...

Now you might think that's a gross defamation of Bill Pullman, but it's a metaphor. Like Sam's joke about flying to New York to see some woman who could be a crazy, sick lunatic, fresh out of Fatal Attraction ...

Trust the pond ... the whole story is preparation for bright and breezy Julie to jog her way to the top, Ms showbiz personality, lover of Nelson and New York and the whole damn thing ... She doesn't need sleep, she's super-human and she's ready to lead ...

Listen, it's not often the pond decodes hidden messages, and then waits with quiet satisfaction as they unfold, as predicted, but just remember, you read it here first ...

Enough already. It's going to be a scorcher in Sydney today, but sssh, the pond has promised the Bolter never to mention climate change, and especially not in the context of the weather.

But in a curious way this offers further proof of the pond's thesis:

Prime Minister Tony Abbott's apparent, if modest, conversion to the idea that climate change was an "important subject"(forced video) following talks with French president Francois Hollande on Wednesday was greeted with no small measure of cynicism. 
This was, after all, a politician who had built a political career on climate scepticism, with his famous remark in 2010 that it was "absolute crap" to assert the science was settled. 
It took only two days, but the doubters can claim vindication after revelations that the government sent a briefing note to Barack Obama to dissuade him that the Great Barrier Reef was under threat by climate change.  
In an interview with Fairfax Media's Latika Bourke in New York (forced video and a Dan Harrison byline), Minister for Foreign Affairs Julie Bishop said the Reef was "not under threat from climate change because its biggest threat is the nutrient runoffs agricultural land, the second biggest threat is natural disasters, but this has been for 200 years". 
This is disingenuous, and factually wrong. 
To be sure, the government believes the world is warming, and that human factors play a part. 
But when it comes to acknowledging the urgency of the problem, how climate change will impact on the world, and what must be done to avert a catastrophic four-degree rise in global temperature, the Abbott government offers obfuscation and excuses. (the rest here).


You see? Julie Bishop is a safe pair of hands for any conservative worried that if Abbott goes, there'll be nobody to offer obfuscation and excuses.

And even better Julie will still have the petitioning poodle, and big bullshitter Mal and any number of other obfuscators ...

The reptiles have called for change, the Bolter has called for change, and Julie is ready to answer the call ...

And now it's time for the pond to seek refuge from the heat, and take a meditative Sunday nap. And since the pond's partner is in New York at the very same time as Julie Bishop, relax, everything's fine at home: