(Above: the war of the signs).
Every year we like to tap into the pulse of the Fox hive, and check out how the war on Xmas is going.
Sadly no one seems to have opened a second front in Australia, perhaps mindful of what happened to Hitler and Napoleon when they opened a second front in Russia.
About the only kind of coverage here involving Christmas and war is Mike Wade's routine recycling from The Times of How Christmas stopped World War 1 in The Australian - a shocking breach of the paywall let alone the Maginot line - re-telling once again how the troops on the frontline in WW1 mingled together, singing carols on Xmas day, though Wade handsomely dresses into the tinsel a number of factual errors and prejudices of an English kind (yes, if Hitler was such a rear area pig, how did he manage to get gassed and shot? Why not just call him Nazi swine, and no one could object?)
Well I suppose it beats watching Happy Christmas aka Joyeux Noël again.
Perhaps the problem down under is that the Christians have pre-emptively claimed victory: Christians editor: we have already won the cultural war in Christmas.
So if it's already won, why is there still a bit of fussing and feuding going on, as opposed to say a Versailles peace treaty negotiation in a railway carriage, where the lickspittle atheists and secularists are forced to pay reparations for a thousand years (or until the rapture, whichever is the earlier date)?
Two words: Fox News.
Without this merry band of Qantrill's Raiders, posing as newshounds but actually a bunch of ratbags, the war on Xmas would have expired years ago from lack of interest. Everybody knows that atheists and secularists are generally up for a bit of Xmas cheer - who minds a bit of myth-making and lying to children and shopping? - and as a corollary, Xians have for centuries made out like bandits appropriating sundry secular symbols, from Santa to Frosty to the tree to fertility symbols to stars to jingle bells to red and green colours ...
Red and green? What have Russell Crowe's rabbitohs got to do with it?
Well there was Fox getting agitated in a story back at the end of November in School Bans Christmas Colors?
Teachers at Heathrow Elementary School have been ordered to banish images of Santa Claus from classrooms - along with traditional Christmas colors like red and green.
"You can't use red and green," one outraged parent told WESH. "It's ridiculous."
Naturally it was also completely untrue, as was reported in an update to the story:
Out of respect for their diverse community, the common practice for December classroom activities has been a winter theme which can include red, green, or any color.
Unfortunately the principal of the school was not contacted by any parent prior to the news stories. Parents are encouraged to contact the principal with any questions relating to school policies and practices.
"You can't use red and green," one outraged parent told WESH. "It's ridiculous."
Naturally it was also completely untrue, as was reported in an update to the story:
Out of respect for their diverse community, the common practice for December classroom activities has been a winter theme which can include red, green, or any color.
Unfortunately the principal of the school was not contacted by any parent prior to the news stories. Parents are encouraged to contact the principal with any questions relating to school policies and practices.
It seems Fox didn't bother to contact the principal either, before running with the story and staging the rage, but that's what fair and balanced means. Tell a stupid story without seeking the truth so that you can correct the stupid story, therefore showing how fair and balanced you are ...
That said, it seems Florida is a hotspot, with a shock horror story about how the secularists at the Florida Turnpike Enterprise struck, in Christmas decorations banned at Florida toll plaza.
That said, it seems Florida is a hotspot, with a shock horror story about how the secularists at the Florida Turnpike Enterprise struck, in Christmas decorations banned at Florida toll plaza.
The feeble excuse for banning the decorations? It turns out that they're just a bunch of Republicans keen to cut spending:
The state says it comes down to money. It has to be fair to all people of all beliefs and it can't go out and buy decorations for everyone's holidays, so the easiest thing was to get rid of decorations altogether.
The rule actually went into place about four or five months ago, so the complaints could have come from Easter or Halloween.
The rule actually went into place about four or five months ago, so the complaints could have come from Easter or Halloween.
Sheesh, that's not a war, it's not even a skirmish. The war on the Easter Bunny? The war on Michael Myers? Nope, even Fox knows that's not going to fly ...
Even a spot of pedantic bother in North Carolina couldn't get the juices flowing, as Xian vigilantes argued over the use of the word "holiday" instead of "Christmas" for their official school holiday calendar (when we all know the proper shortening of the word is "Xmas", as in Christ the redeemer stars in the X-Files, or as we know the show here, the Christ-Files).
"I think that they've offended a lot of people," Theresa McCoy, owner of Cox Christian Bookstore, told WECT. "[They have offended] the Christians who love God and the Christians that want to talk about Christmas." (here).
Strange how changing a word stops people talking about Xmas, and yet there's Ms McCoy blathering on about Xmas. Talk all you like sweet talkative Xian ...
Strange how changing a word stops people talking about Xmas, and yet there's Ms McCoy blathering on about Xmas. Talk all you like sweet talkative Xian ...
Actually what about Santa lovers who are shocked to find - if they happen to stray into their local church - that Santa, the true spirit of Xmas giving, is nowhere to be found, and usually instead they're offered a mangy stable with some hay and a couple of camels, and perhaps an artistic impression of frankincense and myrrh, along with battered plaster cast statues someone found in an op shop? (just love the myrrrrrh).
It's true that the American Family Association has tried to maintain the rage by updating its annual list of "naughty" retailers who avoid using the word "Christmas" in their ads. Shame, Barnes & noble, The Gap, and Radio Shack, but even here there were a few grinches to be found.
"Seriously?" says Julie Mack in The Kalamazoo Gazette. "We Christians are really supposed to be offended when our Lord's birth isn't invoked to sell flat-screen televisions?"
The AFA honestly thinks the sacredness of the holiday is violated when the word “Christmas” isn’t on a Radio Shack sales flier? Perhaps they think CVS should work the virgin-birth theme into their pregnancy-test display, or maybe Victoria’s Secret could do their own take on the Nativity scene, with Mary in a Sexy Little Thing nightgown and Joseph in Santa boxers.
Oh Julie, have you been speaking to my partner about Victoria's Secret? Where does the catalogue show Mary in a Sexy Little Thing?
There was a small frisson late in November when Philadelphia decided to rename its Christmas Village "Holiday Village", which got everyone agitated ('Village' idiots in Philadelphia).
Reminds me of W. C. Fields, and his various remarks about Philly:
There have been stories that he wanted his grave marker to read, "On the whole, I would rather be in Philadelphia", his home town, similar to a line he used in My Little Chickadee, "I'd like to see Paris before I die... Philadelphia would do!" (In one of his film bits, he made a point of referencing "Philadelphia Cream Cheese". Given his fondness for words, maybe he just liked the sound of his home town's name.) This rumor has also morphed into "I would rather be here than in Philadelphia." The anecdote that Fields often remarked, "Philadelphia, wonderful town, spent a week there one night" is unsubstantiated. It is also said that Fields wanted "I'd rather be in Philadelphia" on his gravestone because of the old vaudeville joke among comedians that "I would rather be dead than play Philadelphia." Whatever his wishes might have been, his interment marker merely has his name, and birth and death years. (here).
But back to this year's dud, dead as a dodo, stiff Norwegian blue parrot, failed war on Xmas.
It all started so promisingly, with such hope when the American Atheists put up a billboard near the entrance to the Lincoln Tunnel, mentioning it's the season to celebrate reason, and the Xians felt the need to put up their own board in response (here for a go at the atheists, here for the New York Times tracking that story and the war of the signs in Fort Worth and New York and here for Catholics Fire Back in Christmas Billboard Battle).
It seemed like it could turn into a real goer, an epic brawl worthy of the good old days at Joe Maguire's hotel in Tamworth, and then it just fizzed ...
In fact the only time the war spluttered into life was when Republican Senator Jim Inhofe announced he wouldn't march in Tulsa's annual Holiday parade, unless it changed its name (Inhofe refuses to participate in 'holiday' parade).
He did the same the previous year. Apparently Inhofe and the owners of the Love Alpaca Ranch in Owasso were the two hold outs (and thanks to the Owasso Reporter, you can read all about it in Owassons withdraw from Tulsa 'Holiday' parade).
Courtesy of Jon Stewart, it led to the one funny sign during the entire phoney war, featuring Inhofe juxtaposed with alpacas, and the alpacas coming off cuter:
Stewart wrapped up his coverage by noting that "the season wouldn't feel the same without people going out of their way to be offended by nothing".
Well if you want to track a few more battles in the war on Xmas, you can always head off to Media Matters, here, which on December 11th made the horrifying discovery that Fox & Friends Saturday had turned Benedict Arnold in the culture war by showing scenes from a "Holiday Party".
Even worse, the previous year Fox News had wished its viewers "Happy Holidays" (here).
It would all be funny if it wasn't so silly, but it does remind me of the reason each New Year I resolve not to spend a nickle or a dime on a News Corp product. If having Glenn Beck in the stable isn't enough shame, this seasonal outbreak of loonacy is surely an equally solid reason ...
Okay, it was only a mild outbreak this year, but the virus lurks just below the surface and the chance of a pandemic remains ...
On the other hand, it also gives Jon Stewart a chance to do his comedy routines.
Which reminds me that, as reported by the pond last September, we've now seen the last of Stewart and Colbert on ABC2, as Foxtel made an offer they couldn't refuse, and if the ABC had attempted to match or better it, Murdoch's minions would have rounded on the ABC and accused them of unfair competition and government-funded extravagance.
Damn you Foxtel, damn you News Corp, damn you all to hell, or at least low ratings and high churn. Do you think I'll break my new year's resolution even before it's the right time to make them?
Yep, another reason to dislike News Corp intensely, but remember you can always watch Stewart and Colbert on line, segment by segment, rather than by geo-limited whole episode,
Right now, of course, just so you can keep track of things, remember Chanukah/Hanukkah's already done (December 1-9), so it's put away the menorahs (we keep ours on standby in the kitchen) until next year's more timely seasonal event (December 20-28th), and Kwanzaa cranks up December 26th and runs to the 1st January (quick, race out and get your kinara candles now), and above all remember you shouldn't really be celebrating the Christmas season until the 25th December, with the twelve days of Christmas due to expire on the Epiphany (January 6th).
Right now, at the peak of Advent, it's a time of strict fasting and rigorous penitence.
And in the post Christmas period, the festivities should equally be focused.
Genuine Christians with a love for Christian symbolism and religious holy days will be aware that attendance at cricket matches or post-Xmas sales or other vile material entertainments is dangerously close to secularism, and puts mortal souls in danger of hellfire for all eternity ...
Just so you know, and meanwhile, here's Jon Stewart's tribute to Fox and Xmas for 2010 ... with just one sad footnote.
He thinks Gretchen Carlson, a blonde former Miss America is pretty.
Oh Jon, Jon, not the rabid, ratbag, pretend dumb blonde.
I thought we were destined to share sweet magic moments together ... should I dye my hair and have a nose job?
Saturnalia, Dorothy, remember Saturnalia (Dec 17 - 23 inclusive).
ReplyDeleteEat, drink, be merry, presents, holidays, celebrations: the very model of a modern Xmas. Even Augustus and Caligula couldn't foreshorten it.
Stand corrected, should have included Saturnalia, where's my manners, fancy forgetting worshippers of Saturn and a good time.Rest assured I'll take off my clothes have a drink or five and try to indulge in some kind of orgy. Or maybe just hand around candles and earthenware figurines ...
ReplyDeleteFunny, Caligula having as much luck as Xians trying to change the current nature of Xmas ...