In which the savvy Savva returns, and the bromancer serves it up to devious continentals, and the lizard Oz editorialist sighs over mums ... and who is not entertained?

 

Watching an air crash investigation show the other day, the pond came across the notion of the black hole illusion. 

Technically, this is about featureless terrain, and pilots thinking they're flying higher than they actually are (here for budding pilots),  but the pond thought it the perfect metaphor for reading the lizard Oz. Technically you think you know what they're saying, and then you and the planet crash and burn ...

But enough metaphysical musing, because for the first time in yonks, the savvy Savva has returned ...

 

 

 

The pond has always enjoyed the savvy Savva, because she can be reliably relied upon to dump on SloMo, sometimes from a great height, and sometimes from a modest one, but always a dumping ...

 

 

There you go, a fine dumping, though the pond would amend at least one line to read "it is mystifying that someone as allegedly as politically astute (as only reptiles might allege) can make so many dumb calls, when really what do you expect of someone who hangs around Hillsong and calls Brian Houston a mentor and speaks in tongues to an imaginary friend?"

Never mind, it's the savvy thought that counts, and the future follies that are certain to follow ...

 

Somewhat cruelly, above all, the pond expects entertainment, a good in-house movie as the plane rolls upside down, and speeds towards the earth (there was another show where unskilled pilots couldn't handle a banking plane and fucked up the autopilot, but enough of reptile metaphors) ...

Phew, that's a fair dumping, but is it Scotty from marketing's fault that he stayed silent while gorgeous George and loopy Craig and batshit mad Barners stormed around the belfrey? And then inherited the wind?

Entertainment, that's what we want, and surely the savvy Savva has been entertained during her absence ...

 

Emphasis on lead? As in Pb, or plumbum if you will?

But he is leading, and there are followers and after robo debt comes dob in a bludger, and is not the infallible Pope entertained? Or is at least entertaining ...

 

 

And so to a quick survey of what else the reptiles had on offer this early morn ...

 

The pond would, of course, love to have what the lowing Lovell has been drinking, talking of unity at a time when the Nats are full of raving loons and the former furniture salesman has stormed off in high dudgeon, but amongst the thin pickings, the pond was entranced by one item ...

 

 

Sorry, the pond was just doing a little scene setting ... because the reptiles were in a quaint world of picket fence delusion from the very start with their header ... I say, egad, wot, wot, mothers ...

 

Oh the suffering of billionaires, oh the tragedy and the pity, as opposed to say a tranny getting bashed in the street ... but remember the black hole illusion and stand by for a trip with old white men back to a world where they feel safe ...

 

 

 

The pond was reminded of those old sketches by Harry Enfield... only these days it seems that trans folk must know their limits ...

And so to the bromancer, simply because he was also out and about today ...

You see, whatever the ostensible subject matter at hand, at some point the bromancer is sure to create a black hole illusion and send the pond flying off in some other direction. Let's see how it works ...

 

There you go, Brexit. The pond knew at once it had to head off to crash and burn at the Graudian here ...

 

 

 

There's more of course ... the pond rather cruelly jumped to the end of that bit of in-flight entertainment. and there's a wide range of movies available ... why not try I thought Brexit would be hard for small businesses like mine - but not this hard ...

 

In fact the Graudian has an array of stories tagged with Brexit, not least Boris Johnson a 'liar' who will blame Brexit costs on Covid, says diplomat ... Sylvie Bermann, former French ambassador, puts PM's handling of pandemic alongside Donald Trump's ...

Then there's the endless delays, and the waste and the loss of jobs, and the endless form filling, but now back to the movie we started with ...

 

Egad sir,  and with a single stroke of the keyboard, the bromancer managed to eradicate from Britain a long history of extremist politics, from the onion eater to the rivers of blood man to a pond favourite ...

 

When it comes to cliches, stereotypes, implicit and explicit racism and talk of damned furriners, the bromancer is in a class of his own ... as if the Poms never had their own civil war, and heroic statesmen stalked the land ...

Details and higher resolution here, and the pond must apologise because it's been doing a little reading on the English Civil War of late, which of course - it goes almost without saying - was the result of the importation of pesky furrin ideas from those damned continental furriners ... as were all those other riots and malcontent moments in British history ...

And so to a final thought from that ineluctable, quintessential English gentleman ...

 

 

 

 

Here's a thought. Is it possible to vaccinate the entire population against the black hole illusion induced by reading the bromancer?

Probably not, but if there was the foggiest chance, the pond would certainly make it compulsory ... just as it would make the odure emanating from a Rowe cartoon a compulsory thing to sniff, with more compulsive sniffing here ...

In which the pond spends most of its time with the former furniture salesman, the bromancer, "Ned" and so forth and etcetera ...

 

 

The pond reserves the right to go on loathing Facebook and the lizard Oz in equal measure, but naturally the reptiles were wildly excited about Facebook folding, while the pond was more interested in the fate of the former furniture salesman who has done so much for climate science ...

As usual, there was a reptile knob-polisher on hand to reassure everyone that everything was in the best of hands, and the polishing of the knob could proceed calmly or at least until someone felt the surge of excitement Shanners always feels contemplating SloMo ...

 

 

But there's more to life than professional knob-polishing, and surges of excitement, and so the pond turned to the bromancer for the real reptile juice ...

That's way, way better... from calm to existential alert in a heartbeat ...

Ah yes, the old "there are good people and policies on both sides" ploy, as the pond chants "the reptiles will not replace us" ...

Look, there's Barners hovering in that clickbait video, and just below it there's the bromancer celebrating Boris and Brexit, apparently unaware of what an existential disaster that's been, and in only a few short weeks too, and who on earth could scribble that Boris is moderate, inclusive, decent and electable?

The bromancer could, that's who, because delusions run silent, run deep ...

But then the bromancer was also deeply in love with his mate, the onion muncher, and if that was the case, why be surprised that Boris is also in the queue?

So the bromancer is an A-grade loon, which is why it's very disturbing that he's drawn the line at a humble former furniture salesman, whose only mistake is to watch a little too much of Sky News after dark, and imbibe the blather of the likes of the Bolter and the disqualified Dean ... 

Never mind, a little more existential alert please ...

 

Suddenly the bromancer is worried about medical authorities? 

But the pages of the lizard Oz have been littered with contempt for medical authorities. Why Killer Creighton has made a career out of it, and almost every reptile has at some point joined in a chant against the climate scientists ... why the sudden concern that a humble former furniture salesman should read the lizard Oz, then go home with his head full of hydroxy and conspiracy theories?

 

 

Ah, the anti-vaxxer stuff ... the lizard Oz editorialist was banging on about that yesterday as well, but the pond can help the reptiles understand their empire a little better ...

 

 

Here's the problem reptiles. The social media disinformation is coming from inside the house ...

 

 

Now the pond isn't going to amplify the dog on the Tucker box's message, or provide a link to it, though it does have its exquisite ironies, as noted here ...

 

You see, reptiles? You see the dangers of having humble ex-furniture salesmen exposed to the rambling loonacy of News Corp via social media? What can you possibly say up against your American kissing cousins?

 

No, you useless dingbats, you have to pull the dog on the Tucker box, and while you're at it, you might have to abandon Sky News, or at least Rowan Dean describing anti-vaxing policing as "police brutuality", such that dinkum honest anti-vaxxers might be so intimated they'd be too scared to go out and protest or turn up at night to talk to the Dean about their righteous concerns ... and don't forget the parrot, a devoted hydroxy devotee, and ...

Oh here, have a Rowe cartoon, with more always here ...

 

 

And so to the rest of the reptiles ...

 

Oh fucketty fuck, the pond has already mentioned the knob polisher ... but Dame Slap reduced to scribbling about Madonna?  The 'leet lawyer who donned the MAGA cap and hobnobbed with "Lord" Monckton and scribbled of global UN world government reduced to talking about Madonna? It was too sad and too pitiful for the pond to contemplate ...

And lo, there was Theo nuking the country, but the pond has already featured far too much nuking of late ... especially as Theo seems trapped in the reptile's ideological present, which came just shortly after some of them decided to leave dinkum, clean, honest, noble, worthy and pure Oz coal in an ideological past. Not all of them of course, but enough to make nuking the country the new reptile rage ... if the pond might quote Madonna, what are you looking at, strike a nuking pose, vogue, Theo, vogue ...

There was nothing for it, but to endure a bout with "Ned", who elsewhere had been wildly excited about the Facebook deal, but being prolix, was also ready to go the jab and sort out SloMo's problems ...

 

 

 

Just before the pond gets started, might it note how tiresome it is to see that sort of flag mask, how offensive, how Trumpian, how furniture salesman it is ...

It reminds the pond of the days of getting sick on hot banana flavoured milk left out in the Tamworth sun, and was given to regurgitating on a daily basis "I love God and my country, I honour the flag, I will serve the Queen and cheerfully obey my parents, teachers and the law", having been herded into an assembly like sheep to the empire slaughterhouse...

That's where the 1960s came from ... but now, do go on "Ned", feel free to natter ...

 

That's more like it. Instead of that knob-polishing talk of calm, the nervous Nelly, Chicken Little, sackcloth and ashes, hand-wringing "Ned" yet again befogged in a cloud of unpredictability, especially as the reptiles have now been given the job of selling the new sleeked down JobSeeker model ... which will, in due course, in its new incarnation, lead to a new bout of stories down there with robotic debt collection measures, but do go on ... and remember to praise Gladys, because who can remember Wagga Wagga?

 

Yes, we must get people working again. The lazy bludgers are ready to seek any excuse to loll about, and some of them just love to live in a pittance, munching on cardboard thanks to the over-generous JobSeeker on offer ...

And so to a little denialism worthy of a former furniture salesman, because how much better it would have been to let the virus roam wild and free, and if a few passengers should get off a ship and head to another state, where's the harm in that? Nothing to do with our Gladys ...

 

You know, the pond was shocked and appalled when just recently the state premiers banded together to put on hold temporarily the New Zealand bubble ...

No doubt Westacott was as appalled as the pond. What's that you say? It was the Australian government?

Never mind, as an extra bonus, the pond decided it would run a news story, because it loves the former furniture salesman so much ...

 

 

 

You see, the former furniture salesman is very popular with the lizard Oz readership. This is a readership the reptiles have spent decades creating ...

 

 

  

 

Russian bots? Not really, and the reptiles knew the love, because they stacked the story full of shots of the former furniture salesman, along with click-bait gathering videos ... which is why the pond mainly went with the text ...

 

Well that's enough of views of the lumbering bear, on with a montage of clippings ...

 

 

Sorry, if the pond could just interrupt the montage for a moment.

Look, the pond would love to link to the parrot and the Bolter and others on Sky News pumping up hydroxy or talk of censorship by social media companies on the matter of hydroxy, but just for the minute, Facebook's recirculation of News Corp misinformation, disinformation and shameless lies, with generous bonus of conspiracy theories, is temporarily down, but happily will resume as soon as the cash hits the reptiles' paws ...  

Poor former furniture salesman ... all he did was watch too much of the reptiles at night on the box, and got his imagination a little excited ...

Now it might just be better to do the rest in an Sergei Eisenstein gulp ...

 

 

What a hoot, what a lot of fun and games, what joy to see the full flowering of Sky News after dark ... but what's this, the former furniture salesman is going to support that shockingly generous fifty bucks a fortnight?

Luckily the infallible Pope was on hand to explain the resulting mathematics ...

 

 

In which the pond spends a routine day with the reptiles, but starts with a few truffles just for the scent on the pig's nostrils ...

 

The pond is easily entertained. Whenever reptile idiocy goes on show, the sublime stupidity of it all creates fresh delights for the student of herpetological follies ... and so it was with Media Watch last night ...

 

 

Really that summary about says it all, though anyone wanting to see the story will find it here, and so see the Bolter and Dean - a man who routinely makes the Bolter seem like a genius - rant and rail about the ABC and its editorial ways, when the ABC had no editorial input into the show. You have to be beyond dumb to manage this sort of basic error, and remain unapologetic, and yet they did it ...

Of course the Bolter doubled down, and said he'd treat Foxtel programs the same way, but he didn't, did he, because he's too much of a zealot and a moron to do what the pond does, and read the financing and tail credits (got to know if it was shot in Boston, or cheap arsed Canada or even cheaper arsed down under trading as Boston).

And then this report came in the lizard Oz today ...

 

 

 ... and that triggered in the pond the memory of a story, in full at Crikey here ... (paywalled). Just the intro please, maestro ...

And so on and so forth ...

Meanwhile, the pond must report, with absolutely no regret, that it's a dull and extremely predictable day at the reptile factory, with Shanners showing the way as usual ...

And they keep saying that Scotty from marketing will wait two budget cycles before heading off to the polls. Translation: more time for the reptiles to slag off the demonic, Satanic forces of Labor, when things are going terribly well in the Canberra bubble ...

As for the pack at the bottom of the page, what a motley crew ...

 

Yes, there was ancient Troy slagging off Albo as Jeremy Corbyn. Perhaps he wants a job on The Sun ... or even a gig working for Boris, what with Brexit going terribly well.

For no particular reason, except perhaps the pleasure of hearing her moaning and whining and griping, the pond decided to go with Dame Groan ...

But is it so bleak? This day the reptiles were wildly excited by an EXCLUSIVE announcing that the destruction of the planet was proceeding on schedule, on the basis of its dig it up and ship it out program ...

Who cares about manufacturing so long as all is well with dear sweet dinkum precious innocent virginal clean Oz coal? But do go on ... and the more tedious and lengthy the despair and the whining and the sighing and the sackcloth and the ashes, the better ...

 

Indeed, indeed. Of course the pond happened to watch John Oliver last night on the US meatpacking industry, as if Upton Sinclair had been but a passing dream ... (Slate felt the need to note it here, but canny YouTube watchers know what to do).

The pond notes Dame Groan's selfless desire to show that restrictive labour practices are a curse, and to get out on the chicken processing line herself, perhaps donning a pad to contain her urine while she worked, or perhaps just pissing on the floor below the line before getting back to the chooks at hand ...

And of course there's all this inane talk of climate science, when we know that the green deal and windmills was wot ruined Texas (not to mention all the lies), and oh the difficulties of fucking the planet properly ... but do go on, and please end this endless whimper with a bang ...

 

Well it could be worse. We could be all sitting on our fat, complacent arses churning out bullshit on a regular, and at one time, highly paid basis for the lizards of Oz, while moaning at the ways we couldn't find to torture workers. Dear sweet long absent lord, what a tedious Jeremiah she is. Oh, and come back Henry Ford, your anti-semitism and love of the Nazis is forgiven, or perhaps we should just follow Xi and Apple, and contain the workers with the chooks behind the wire netting ...

And so to the bonus, and sadly the pond couldn't find a better bonus than Killer Creighton ...

 

 

The reptiles decided to give Killer the full treatment, but all it accomplished was to remind the pond just how abysmal the standard of cartooning is at the lizard Oz. They say the rotten apple doesn't fall far from the tree, but they should really have been talking about the rotten cartoonist ...

As for Killer's yarn, the reptiles saw it as a chance to insert a lot of click-bait videos, which made the read seem more important. Imagine then the pond's delight at being confronted by a black void ...

 

Indeed, indeed, the one thing this planet needs is more people. Why the world projections, made in 2019 before the pandemic had the planet hitting 9.74 billion by 2050 (wiki here), ensuring plenty of customers for News Corp and dinkum sweet clean Oz coal, and perhaps a fucked planet, but what would the Chairman care, because by then he will have surely shuffled off this mortal coil, leaving a stunning legacy to contemplate ...

But do go on Killer, even if the pond is now wondering whether the monicker should be Breeder to excess Creighton ...

 

 

In six or so weeks, open the border and let the unvaccinated hordes rush in, because what could go wrong? You have to admire Killer's single-minded addiction to the killing fields ... matched perhaps by his weird belief that the only vulnerable groups are oldies in homes, and perhaps a few front line workers.

But Killer has long admired the United States, which this week topped 500k dead, a remarkable achievement ... if only we could have emulated them, how happy Killer would have been ...

 

Oh we're back on that old yarn, that the flu is as much of a problem as the virus, but as Israel was mentioned, perhaps we should also mention this ...

 

 

 

Frankly the pond doesn't mind if the anti-vaxxers and the fundamentalist religious loons of the ultra-orthodox kind don't take their shots. They can shuffle off, just as Killer can shuffle off after this last gobbet proves he still doesn't have a clue, and thank the long absent lord, others were in control of public health in this country this past year ... 

 

Most experts were anticipating a much higher fatality rate?

 

 

 

Now there's anticipation for you - even the Fauc couldn't guess the final number in the jelly bean Killer jar of death - and what a prize doofus and dumbbell our Killer is, down there with the Bolter and the Dean, and so to end with a little more grim humour, thanks to the immortal Rowe here ...

 

And how about a bonus from the infallible Pope's stablemate, in honour of Killer?