Containing strange matters of the savvy Savva and nattering "Ned" kind ...

The pond couldn't help but notice that the 'reptile sluts for Clive' were at it again yesterday, and then were at it again this morning …

It's easy enough too stand between reptiles and their principles - if you can find any - but be wary of standing between reptiles and some advertising cash in the paw …because the pond has discovered that being crushed in a reptile stampede is a bit like watching Clive build the Titanic or deny workers their entitlements …

As for the rest, the pond notes that the climate denialists were out and about again, it being important to offset 'slutting for Clive' with the provision of denialist corn for the chooks …

Essential carbon dioxide? Is that the same as absolutely unique carbon dioxide? (with thanks to News 24).

But this is a farewell tour, and so there's no time for doddering old fart denialists of the ancient reptile school, because attention must be paid to the savvy Savva daring to dream the dream …

Apparently SloMo has been doing the rough equivalent of a trip around the world in a dinghy, managing it all by himself … and has now ended up in a bout of nattering negativity worthy of the onion muncher …

Is this the best the reptiles can do for him? It's not time? 

That's about as positive as Billy McMahon moaning that he didn't get enough support from his ministers ...

Where he'll take them? Oh that seems clear enough, and how the reptiles will dance with joy …

And so to that little awkwardness about SloMo's imaginary friends, creationism, the rapture and such like ...

Yes, yes, but what of the onion muncher, who featured in this day's Rowe …

Final season? The savvy Savva sees the show as running longer than Coronation Street ...

He wants to do a Bernie or a Biden? The long absent lord save us all …

But can he somehow manage it? Well, it's not for lack of keen reptile attention. Today they were at it again, raging against the dying of the light and that wicked GetUp!

Offensive posters? But what about that offensive onion-munching? More endless years of onion munching?

And nor, the pond suggests would it work for the onion muncher, regardless of his longevity, though it would work for cartoonists, with more full Rowes available here …

And so to another reptile, though the pond won't miss the bloviating of nattering "Ned" … this day getting agitated about the Xians yet again …

Here's the thing.

Ask your average reptile how they feel about religious freedom when it comes to sharia law … or for that matter Scientologists ripping off mugs and taxpayers with E-meter scams, and scoring education grants from the federal government …

Suddenly the reptiles don't feel so free or so fancy …

Yes, there's religious freedom and then there's religious folly, but don't expect nattering "Ned" to lift his eyes above his Xian navel …

Yes, there's nothing like a little mission for religious education, mingled with the joys of poofter bashing …

Ah, little Timmie, having an anxiety attack about Brunei, and never mind the anti-gay attitudes that litter the Murdochian rags …

And so back to nattering "Ned" moaning and sighing about religious freedom, and the right to distill essence of hate and bigotry, because after all, that's what religions are for ...

They still can't get over it, can they? The reptiles have always been reluctant to accept SSM, just like the bigoted homophobic fundamentalist Xians, whom they seem to think make up their most loyal demographic … apart, perhaps from devotees of Clive, anxious to see his lizard Oz ads tip him into a balance of power situation ...

And a lot of good those laws on the grounds of sex have done when angry Sydney Anglicans still wander around talking of complimentary women … 

And as for the rest … it seems like there's already plenty of freedom to do the rounds, if you give up the squillions, as the long absent lord suggested, and adopt vows of poverty and loonacy ...

Yes, that's so fucked up, the reptiles are sure to make him a crucified martyr …

Never mind, the pond has heard it all before …which is why it's always better to end on an infallible papal note, with more encyclicals by the Pope here …

Containing reptile matter accommodated to every taste, though of no very peaceable colour ...

The 'sluts for Clive' at the lizard Oz were at it again yesterday, which made this column particularly funny …

End of the freak show? 

Not if the 'sluts for Clive' at the lizard Oz have their way, and they were at it again today, slutting away in their bid to help Clive nauseate punters and march towards a seat in Canberra …

… which made this Richo angle even funnier …

Um, talk to the hand, or at least talk to the 'sluts for Clive' at the lizard Oz … so desperate to make a buck, they made sure even loyal Murdochian readers wouldn't be spared the Clive drivel …

And so to a few more headlines …

 

Awkward. 

Of course the real headline is that SloMo is a liar, pants on fire, because the speaker in tongues was forced to disavow what everyone knows … that when it comes to homosexuality, the Pentecostal mob play it hard … as per this 2016 SBS story about homosexuals unhappily confused by all that blather about Christian love …

But that's not the half of it. Have a squint at some of the delusions outlined more fully here … there's the speaking in tongues and the second coming ...

And then there's the full blown creationism ...

Speaking of fundamentalist Xians, as the pond sometimes does, the pond was vastly relieved that dashing Donners was out and about for the pond's farewell tour …

Indeed, indeed, though is it any weirder than an orthodoxy where imaginary friends and cannibalism prevails (when will Catholics begin to understand the implications of transubstantiation?)

Never mind, it was classic Donners, all hysteria, shouting at clouds and at the youffs who'd stumbled on to his fundamentalist lawn …

Ah, that opening line suggests that Donners has already accepted defeat, and wants to shift the debate to the fourth and fifth phases, 'hunt for the guilty' and 'punishment of the innocent' ... 

Dear sweet long absent lord, did the pond just read that bit of nostalgia from the ancient dodderer?

Strange, the pond remembers an entirely different kind of education …

Not to worry, the pond is keen to see if Donners managed to fit in 'cultural Marxism' and 'Gramsci's long march through the institutions.' 

Frankly, a failure to do so would constitute some sort of cultural crime ...

What no 'cultural Marxism', no Gramsci? Well the pond forgives the doddering dashing Donners, because that outburst is almost as good. 

There's nothing like a Catholic blathering on about impartiality and objectivity to put the pond in a good mood …and it reminded the pond of another reading from the holy book …

You are old Father Donners, and yet you incessantly stand on your head and ramble on about the same things over and over, do you fear it might injure your brain? Why no, dear pond, I'm perfectly sure I have none, and that's why I do it again and again, and in this final gobbet ...

What, forget science, and in particular climate science, and keep on blathering about the culture wars, perhaps with a reminder that creationism is good science, that speaking in tongues gets you in touch with the Lord, and that the rapture will save us all by Xmas?

Well the pond looks forward to dashing Donners next book, "How Political Stupidity is Destroying Australia …"

And with dashing Donners done, the pond turned to Dame Slap to help with its omnibus edition … and Dame Slap delivered in her usual way.

For too long in this campaign there's been a failure by the distracted reptiles of Oz to indulge in some good old-fashioned greenie bashing. With comrade Bill looming as a threat, the reptiles have gone missing in action.

It used to be the reptiles' national sport, but it's fallen by the wayside of late …and yet it was always such fun, and such a great spectator sport …

Trust Dame Slap to maintain a keen interest in the sport, and even better, she's been blessed by the cult status of a Lobbecke cartoon, thereby allowing everyone to spend hours contemplating the cryptic message at the heart of the balloon bubble … 

Now there's an irony at the heart of all this, one the pond has celebrated for years, you know, the one where Dame Slap pretends to be a bogan from out the black stump way, while the reptile thumb bio is tremendously keen to explain that really she's a smarty pants from the big end of town …

Delusional pot, meet smarty pants delusional kettle Dr. Dame Slap ...

Yes, it's more of that fragrant reptile love for dinkum clean true blue Oz coal, because the reptiles know that climate science is a theological hoax, and it was Dame Slap herself who confirmed it was just an elaborate ploy to establish a world government by Xmas, 2009 … though in the usual way of things there seems to have been some slippage in the conspiracy, a bit like hanging around waiting for the rapture …

And so to the Orwellian moment, because Dame Slap and the reptiles can never get enough of George, even though he was a socialist and would have loathed everything about the Murdochians ...

Ah, the ABC, how could the pond have forgotten that Satan's children wear cardigans and are employed at the ABC? Where are the tea ladies and biccies of yesteryear that might have softened their many thought crimes?

… so scribbles a rich and well-educated city slicker with an unholy yen for the Donald, and something akin to self-loathing, given her well-educated city slicker status … though given her mindset, Dame Slap possibly thinks that Fox News is a tad too moderate, and inclined to liberal thinking, as when that dreadful Chris Wallace had the temerity to suggest that the tariff emperor might have no clothes, though he certainly had some Chinese-made ties and suits clearing at bargain basement prices …

And that brings the pond to the Rowe of the day, as a distraction from all that reptile domestic drivel, with more Rowe here …

But anyone who wants the domestic one man band playing can always turn to the infallible Pope, and his regular encyclicals here ...

Containing such very deep and grave matters that some readers may relish it ...

The pond likes to start the day with a good news story whenever it comes across one, and surely this story at the former Fairfaxians here is such a one … and if that's a great bringer of joy, why not throw in Foxtel cost-cutting puts rugby, football on edge …

Could that explain why we have the 'sluts for Palmer' paper at it again today, still selling its advertising soul and shilling for Clive's shekels?

To think that poor old Doris's farewell should be surrounded in the canary yellow of a sell-out …

And to make matters worse, Media Watch was kicking the reptile can down the road again yesterday …

Not that the pond needs Rick or Media Watch to see the reptiles in action.

Just look at this effort today, with all the reptiles gathered to show off their bar rackers, furiously barracking away …and this lot didn't even include the parrot, granted space higher up to squawk from his privileged perch ...

So many choices, so little time, but whenever the pond is asked to pick a winner, it always goes with Moorice … and the pond is always right, because the reptiles confirmed the pick by granting Moorice cult status, blessing him with a dire Leak, which confirms that while the apple falls close to the tree, there's no guarantee the apple will have the slightest notion of wit or style …

Oh not 'Xian value's, which apparently is code for undermining, sniping, wrecking, and flat-out lying when naked self-interest and dissembling aren't enough … but as always Moorice plays a top-notch part as a weather cock, and as he blows hard in the wind, the pond thinks this must be a sure sign that things are still very tight in Warringah.

No need for a poll when Moorice's paranoia and outrage, and smiting wildly at enemies says it all …

Um, what's remarkable is the unseemly way that Moorice seems to be celebrating action on an international conspiracy designed to install a world government by Xmas.

There was a time when Moorice would deplore the fake theology of climate science, and denounce the fake news, but now he's boasting about renewable power capacity and rapid renewables deployment rate? All wasted on a deplorable conspiracy?

Phew, things must be really tight in Warringah … so now it's time to attack the voters as mindless morons, a sure way of beguiling them into voting for the onion muncher ...

Yes, young 'uns, cast your mind back to Gough, and whatever you do, please try to avoid thinking about Malcolm Fraser. What's that, you complacent silly young things, you think you see an old fart shouting at you to get off his lawn, or join him in shouting at clouds?

Well think again, because a hard rain is gunna fall if you fail to listen ...

And just what is that hard rain? Well it seems it doesn't matter what the Warringah voters might do, the onion muncher is never going to go away. He's going to be throwing spears and banging on until he dies, or everyone dies of boredom.

He's going to keep on out of parliament? Can't he do anything useful? Even if he's voted out, we must still endure his nattering negativity because the only job he'll likely pick up is scribbling for the reptiles?

Ah well, that certainly matches up to those closing remarks in Media Watch …

Look forward to that memo … the lizards of Oz are proud to welcome the onion muncher into their midst because we can never have enough valiant crusaders celebrating a love of dinkum clean true blue Oz coal, oi, oi, oi ...

But here the pond must pick a bone with Media Watch.

You see, the pond is never loud, and refuses to get louder, except when singing its favourite song, which when hollered in Tamworth yeehah style, goes a little like this …

There's an angry old man waitin' at the counter of the corner shop
Ron's been waitin' down there
Waiting half the day
We never ever see him from the top
He gets pushed around
Knocked to the ground
But he gets to his feet and he says
What about me
It isn't fair
I've had enough now, I want my share
You bloody city 'leets
Can't you see
I wanna live
But you just take more then you give ...

Yes, it's not just Moorice, because that great bush singer Rampant Raging Ronnie Boswell, with his inimitable 'leet stylings, was also at the reptile round table this day, ready to join the crusaders in denouncing those wicked city types, in a desperate bid to get the base all hot and bothered ...

What will the pond do without this Boswell? Is this how Samuel Johnson must have felt? Suddenly we're in a guessing game with Boswell the sage? Yet somehow magically he provides his own answers, making the guessing game entirely pointless.

Instead of this sort of rhetorical trick, which might have worked in primary school, shouldn't our Boswell have taken a cue from John Oliver, doing a full-blown rant, helped by Bill Nye letting fly ...

Safety glasses back on, because there's more moaning and whining from our Boswell ...

Yes, never mind the planet, never mind Moorice talking up all the splendid actions already being taken, our Boswell is full of doom, gloom and despair, and it's all the fault of bloody city folk … because, you know, Qantas and Virgin are about to set up their HQ in Tamworth, which has never been the same since East-West Airlines left the scene …

Oh if only things never changed, if only we could stay in the 1950s with Moorice and our Boswell ...

Good old Ron, at least he stays true as a dedicated climate science denialist, unlike that fickle Moorice pretending that something's being done, when every reptile knows the crusader line is that it's a theological hoax designed to install world government as soon as comrade Bill gets the keys to the Lodge …

And what do you know, it seems that Rowe has anticipated the result, with the sale of the Lodge hopefully helping to revive the housing boom in this lost, suffering country …

Well there's more Rowe here, and the infallible Pope is also interested in housing, with more papal encyclicals here..