Day 37, and Gary Johns says there's no soup for you ...

Now that the world has gone French again, the pond feels the time is right to celebrate the way the ideas boom, and pissoirs - vespasiennes if you will - go together ...

And the mention of pissoirs and ideas booms suddenly made the pond think of Gary Johns ... who can say why, the pond's mind works in strange ways ...

And luckily there was Gary Johns doing his thing for the reptiles this very day ...

Now the good news is that Gary Johns has finally abandoned the pretence, the nonsense, of signing himself off as a former minister in a Labor government.

Genghis Khan might have, at one point in his life, lived in poverty, surviving primarily on wild fruits and ox carcasses and marmots, but of course that was only so he could emerge triumphant and shout to the world "fuck you Jack, I'm alright and youse can all get fucked ..."

Let us now enjoy angry old man Gary Johns having a shouting fit worthy of Genghis ...

Now at reptile headquarters this passes both as satirical writing of the first water and elegant, sharp, incisive policy formulation... especially as the sorry saga of the subs can be so elegantly elided over ... so that the focus might remain on the insolent, indolent bludgers who insist on ruining the entire capitalist system ...

Yes, it's another great outing from Gazza, a man who specialises in great openings ... and naturally it brought to the pond's mind yet another great example of Gazza's generous, sensitive way way of dealing with the world.

Watch out Genghis, you're facing a serious contender, a major player, one who knows the right way to hand out the soup ...

Indeed, indeed. Gas would be cheaper ...

Day 37, and the pond celebrates the role of the reptiles and the leader of the opposition in the sorry submarines saga ...

M'lud, if it please the court, might the pond move on from discussions of immorality and illegality and bipartisan shame, and Richard Marles, and the Mutton Dutton's determination to pretend that nothing has changed, and immorality and illegality might continue unimpeded, and turn its attention to another important matter of national security?

The news broke yesterday in the lizard Oz ... and naturally the first port of call was the leader of the opposition for his opinion ...

The reporting then shifted to other matters, and again careful attention was paid to the deeds and doings of the leader of the opposition ...

And then today, the views of the leader of the opposition were fully considered ...

The leader of the opposition was also given a spot on the front page of the tree killer edition, free at an airport near you ...

Now it fell to the bouffant one, young Dennis, to cover the leader of the opposition's thoughts and feelings ...

Yes, it's all thanks to the Abbott government, said the leader of the opposition, conveniently ignoring the way the Abbott government led the Japanese government down the garden path, so that the Japanese government could get its arse kicked and suffer an extreme loss of face, which won't be forgotten anytime soon in Japan (oh yes, the pond has personal experience of the long memories of shamed Japanese leaders).

So what did the leader of the opposition tell the bouffant one about that matter?

He wrote a personal letter and that's fixed things!

Inter alia, in the same story, the reptiles included an interactive which pointed out the political implications of the decision, the most expensive attempt to save South Australian political jobs - especially the yapping poodle's - as has been seen in recent times.

Criticised by some colleagues for speaking out publicly ...

What, now they want to silence the leader of the opposition?

Oh okay, the pond should just pause to admire the reptile interactive ...

Cute or what? And it helps explain why the Bolter was inconsolable and in yet another petulant, foot-stomping rage ...

Meanwhile, the bromancer, who has treasured the subs saga, also decided to chip in ...

Yes, there in the middle of the piece is a mention of the way that the Japanese were comprehensively fucked over by the leader of the opposition's monumental stupidity and blundering ways ...

Now to understand the process, we must look deeply into the bromancer's thinking.

This will require some forensic digging and is guaranteed to be tedious - to go o'er is as tedious as to return - but it must be done because the bromancer has always been a megaphone for the leader of the opposition, at least until he sometimes swears off the kool aid and has an unexpected moment of clairty..

First the eureka kool aid moment ...

Any glutton for punishment can google the rest of that ancient artefact because the pond would like to move on to another item ...

You see, you see? There's more for those who want to google, but it's easy to catch the drift.

Now what to make of this?

Oh the irony, the prediction that the leader of the opposition's strategy might unravel ...

There's more for those gluttons for punishment inclined to google, but the drift is clear enough ...

You see m'lud, the pond just wanted the chance m'lud, to note how it was the leader of the opposition and his muddle headed wombat reptile supporters who comprehensively made a hash of the entire sorry subs saga ...

And yet still this same muddle-headed leader of the opposition is still the reptiles' first port of call for comment and insight ...

How fucked in the head is that?

Well, in the interests of completeness, the pond now offers the editorial reptile reflecting on the sorry subs saga ...

Yes, there it is, right at the bottom.

It was the leader of the opposition that started off the whole sorry saga, and lured the Japanese into the dry gulching, such that their sub had to scuttle out of Sydney harbour, a boat rejected and deeply in the grip of shame ...

It made that previous reptile Oz editorial sound remarkably silly ...

Respect must be shown?

Well respect could maybe be shown to the leader of the opposition and the muppets and muffins who infest the lizard Oz ... if respecting totally inept doofuses who monumentally fucked up the sorry submarines saga is how you care to exercise your respect.

What's the pond left with after this sorry subs saga?

Well at least there are a few good cartoons, and you can find more Pope here - trust the Papist to stir the pond's heart by mentioning the NBN - and more Rowe here, and the pond threw in a Twitter meme for the heck of it ... because the pond just loves its sous marin baguettes ...

Vive la France ... and sorry sushi eaters - oh how the pond loves its sushi - that's what happens when you're beguiled into bed by a wall-punching, onion-munching leader of the opposition and his mindless reptile minions ...

Day 36, and the pond at last performs its Caterist duty ...thank the long absent lord, someone is still thinking of long suffering multinationals, the Chairman and the benefits of taxpayer grants ...

Having just featured that eminent voice of reason, the arm-breaker of the west, the pond was - as a devoted completist - compelled to record the deep thoughts of the arm-breaking Caterists this day ...

It's impossible to underestimate the pond's sense of outrage at the notion that the wealthy and big corporations pay their fair share of tax.

It's just so unfair, so wrong, so damned bloody socialist.

(and the rest of that story outside the AFR paywall here)

Where's the harm in round robins? Isn't that the entire point of having accountants and lawyers?

Surely this is an exemplary way to be a corporation with a sense of community and what constitutes a fair share?

Damn these socialists intent on persecuting the humble and the poor. Is there anyone poorer or more humble than Chairman Rupert?

Here the pond must step in to make an important exception. 

It's true that the welfare system destroys initiative and robs people of the incentive to work, but every so often, it can actually work. Where would the Caterists and the Menzies Research Centre be without a generous taxpayer grant?

Why a stumble bum like the Caterist might well be out on the street, importuning passersby for alms in a way that would be offensive to all civilised people.

Instead the Caterists can lead a productive life scribbling columns for the reptiles of Oz, celebrate the life and work of Ming the Merciless, and work furiously for the re-election of Malware and chums.

At least this shows that on rare occasions the welfare system of grants has a role to play, where it's not just the money that gets used, but it helps in assisting useful lives. Waste? Not a cent wasted!

As for those devious, deviant multinationals, it's simply not their fault. It's the intertubes and the digital thingie wot's done it. Agility, mobility and innovative digital island tax shelters fitting for a modern digital economy ... it makes sense simply not to have any company tax ... a proven methodology for trickle down rhetoric of the idle kind ...

Ah Mark Latham, an impeccable man who never once changed a policy position... will we ever return to the glorious days of Medicare Gold?

For some strange reason, with the Caterists at the lizard Oz, and the arm breaker now employed at Sky and by the Terrorists, the pond was reminded of an old Rowe cartoon ...

Perhaps it's time for an update from Mr. Rowe. Heel, Caterists, heel ...

Day 36, and only a good arm-breaking can save us from the neo-Marxist, neo-feminist, neutering, castrating agenda ...

The pond was instantly alert on the weekend, thanks to the reptiles of Oz.

Fancy asking young students about masturbation - the pond knows for a fact that the only masturbators on the planet work for the lizard Oz - and even worse, fancy quizzing the sweet young innocents on "how to search online".

Why the pond knows for a fact that the very last thing twelve year olds would do is go online and google for interesting things (having made sure the parental filter was turned off). They're only interested in learning more about the ancient art of origami.

Naturally the pond plunged in to the fetid pool of filth without even the benefit of a condom ... the pond always understood such devices should never be mentioned in polite company, seeing as how furtive unprotected sex and a backyard abortion was always the better option...

What a deplorable, shocking state of affairs.

Fancy advising that students becoming sexual not be exposed to porn! (Of course up Tamworth way, the joke was that boys should be exposed to poddy calves, but perhaps that's too saucy for the reptiles of Oz and sweet, innocent Nat Bita, just doing the bidding of others in maintaining the culture wars).

What an appalling disgrace.

Fancy trying to deal with the porn that litters the web, and has even resulted in songs proposing that the internet was made for porn. Why there's even, as Colbert joked, porn for hamsters. Forsooth, questions must be asked of these deviants in parliament this every day!

And fancy advising students to be gentle with women! Why, what women want is a good beating from the likes of Mark Latham ... what a turn on that is!

And speaking of the arm-breaking Latham, it just so happens that the lad is out and about in today's Terror ...

Now the pond would like to congratulate the Terrorists. It was a Herculean task, and an astonishing feat, but they managed to fit many things into one, simple, astonishing header ...

Look at it. Neo-Marxists, damn you all, and pesky neutering feminists, you're all going to hell too, and look, they've even managed to fit in re-engineered sexuality and social values.

Where will all this end? Why soon enough boofheads will get into trouble for breaking a taxi-driver's arm, and at that point you can kiss civilisation and all that's valuable farewell ...

Who's better placed to understand anti-bullying programs than the arm-breaker?

You see? Break a man's arm, and then you laugh, and then they call you Sir (memo to students, this also helps when in a relationship with a submissive. Break their arm and you'll get called Sir a lot, which is almost as big a giggle and a laugh as lunchalot).

Okay, now it's back to the future, and the rest of a rant, which it turns out is so exceptionally longwinded that the pond feels the need to refrain from further editorial remarks ...

Indeed, indeed ...

A noble, patriotic sight.

Well that's just for gentlemen readers who might need a little lift to get them through the last bit of the extended rant ...

Yes, it's being taught in more and more classroom, as opposed to taughting English, so that the silly cackling geese wouldn't have the first clue about the plural form or the way that it should be taut in more and more classrooms ...

What we need is a morest classrooms revolution!

Not to worry, and the pond doesn't really give a whit or a jot that the arm-breaker seems never to have actually come across the observable truth of a hermaphrodite.

The notion and the word has been around as long as Hermaphroditus and Ovid, but when you're an ignorant strutting peacock of a bigot, given a platform by the vicious Terrorists, your world view will always revert to bullying bigotry, because that's what you do ...

Now please, no correspondence on the matter of lingerie football ...

It's a serious game, and they really do play serious football ...

Just as Hooters is all about serious, elegant haute cuisine ...

Welcome to the arm-breaker's observable reality. You're welcome, have a nice day now ...