Friday, June 09, 2023

Egad sirs, and possibly the odd lady, it's a bumper book of reptile adventures this Friday ...

 


Forget the Canadian wildfires, forget the talk of the arrival of an El Niño event, heck, even forget the reptiles embarking on a vast conspiracy theory involving puppet masters ...




Gad sirs, and the occasional lady, Dame Slap keeps jumping the shark, but the pond knows its duty, and tip toed past that hysterical talk of a gigantic conspiracy involving a puppet master ... (speaking of vast conspiracies, the pond is still waiting for the UN to use climate science to establish world government by Xmas).

Today our Henry is on a mission from god, and the pond is proud to present a bumper book for reptiles and colonial boys ...



Gad sirs, there's good Queen Vic trembling at the knees at the sight of her devoted servant, and as she handed him his Faithful Servant and Devoted Service medals, she knew she was rewarding not the actor but the act (or perhaps many acts, who can say?).

Why if Jack the Ripper hisself had been given a gong for his splendid work teaching the fuzzy wuzzies a lesson at Rourke's Drift, the odd little street crime would do nothing to tarnish the medal ...



 



Gad sirs, our Henry was just warming up ... could there be a Carlyle in the wings, or sob, a full on jingoistic Rudyard Kipling?





Gad sirs, a pack of bloodthirsty hounds, building an empire and showing Vlad the Impaler how it should have been done. By this time every fibre in the pond's body was exuding a patriotic fervour ...







Gad sirs and now it's Kipling's turn ... and who couldn't immediately think of the splendid sight of drinking from a dead man's artificial leg as a sign of the wonders of empire ...




Gad sir, the only warrior suited for a war is a sociopath, and the sooner we realise it, the better we'll all be for the understanding ... after all, the best way to save the village is to burn it to the ground.






Gad sirs, but what of the ancient Greeks and Thucydides? Oh you callow chaps, as if our Henry could forget them, they were all sociopaths too ... or at least prone to savage outbursts ...



Gad sirs, the pond could go on quoting good old Colonel Blimp and Colonel Henry all day, but will settle for quoting the infallible Pope, proposing another vast conspiracy to undermine SloMo, where it seems the puppet master might have been ... gasp ... SloMo hisself ...




But wait, this is a bumper book of reptile adventures, so there's much more to follow ...

Why cackling Claire has discovered the real problem with the Voice. Those bloody difficult, uppity, blacks, living the life of Riley on the dole, get in the way of leading a dinkum lifestyle ...




Gad sirs, she's right of course. The tiresome, uppity difficult blacks are simply being too tedious for words and should take their lessons from history ...





Gad sirs, the pond knew it would find it hard to break its Low habit once it started, but let's face it, we must keep the uppity, difficult blacks in their place ...





Gad sirs, is that some loon from the media class blathering on about the media class being insulated from the masses?

Gad sirs, those uppity, difficult blacks have a lot to answer for ...


Ah yes, those bloody uppity, difficult blacks, what a privileged and disconnected elite they are ...

Gad sirs, is this not a splendid bumper book of adventure for the Catholic boys' daily, and yet the pond has only just got going.

Torn between Karl Rove predicting neither the mango Mussolini nor old Joe would win, or going with the grave Sexton, gad sirs, of course the pond would go with the local lad ...




Egad sirs, the good old days of Richard Nixon, but surely the grave Sexton will understand that there's already a winner to hand, with a winning issue ...








Gad sirs, the pond had to break its Low habit at some point, and so to the grave Sexton feeling some sympathy for the mango Mussolini, what with accusations of him being Putin's lapdog - is idolising fellow sociopaths so wrong? - and him being harassed by trivial charges, because who doesn't feel like staging a coup when your election has been stolen...




What a splendid effort at owning the libs, and the pond could feel a TT coming on, with more TT here ...






And so to the grave Sexton picking a winner, and the winner would be Nikki Haley, if only she could be a winner, and at this point, the pond almost wondered if it should have gone roving with Rove ... but the main point stands, what we need is a return to the great days of tricky Dick and backroom deals, and plumbers, you always need plumbers ... and with a bit of luck, it seems the unfairly treated mango Mussolini might get another chance to make America go barking mad again ...




Time for a new book? Flogging that old one is sounding a little long in the tooth, but gad sirs, what a splendid set of insights offered up by the grave Sexton. Have you not been entertained?

And this is usually the point where the pond would throw up hands and cry enough already, the bumper book of reptile adventures has sated the appetite.

Gad sirs, and forsook, not so fast, no yielding or quitting or jettisoning yet. 

The pond is intent on honouring the meretricious Merritt, keen to stamp out any notion that anyone is above the law - say the filthy rich who might even have appointed a judge or two, or who hang out with a Supreme Court judge, you know the kind ...






And they said hyper-realism was dead, but that simply had to be included in the bumper book ... especially as there are more difficult, pesky, uppity blacks to be thrown under the bus, in due course and with proper regard to their right to continue as second class citizens. If they've done it for a couple of centuries, why not keep on with it? 






At this point the reptiles decided to embrace iconography and throw in a few big illustrations ... and the pond had to downsize them in the usual way ...






Funny - peculiar more than ha ha - the pond had always thought of Magna Carta as a bunch of rebel barons reaching a deal with a difficult King - and that a lot of pieties and blather had been talked about its meaning and its significance ...

What's that, there's a wiki?

First drafted by the Archbishop of Canterbury, Cardinal Stephen Langton, to make peace between the unpopular king and a group of rebel barons, it promised the protection of church rights, protection for the barons from illegal imprisonment, access to swift justice, and limitations on feudal payments to the Crown, to be implemented through a council of 25 barons. Neither side stood behind their commitments, and the charter was annulled by Pope Innocent III, leading to the First Barons' War.

Oh right, the pond gets it, it's just the Catholic Boys' Daily celebrating the joys of an interfering church...

On with the meretricious Merritt, wildly spinning away, doing a Henry and mistily dreaming of the English empire ...






Ah yes, the United States, and the common law, and justice for all, and strangely the immortal Rowe had a splendid example of how that was working this day ...








But wait, that's not all, there's some black bashing to be done, and Merritt has got out the nine iron to do a bit of hacking ...






Indeed, indeed. Now the pond can hear a few pesky, difficult, uppity blacks snorting behind their hands at the idea of equality before the law...

But the pond is pleased to ignore their talk of poisoned flour and massacres and slavery and stolen generations and such like, to join with the meretricious Merritt to put them down, in the name of ancient robber barons ...





Or we could just close this bumper book of reptile adventures and wander off into the night, wondering why anyone takes the lizard Oz seriously this day ...

Meanwhile, the immortal Rowe's cartoon struck the pond as a fitting closer, so why not a few more, with even Ramirez joining in the disapproving chorus ... though it's really only a fine example of cash being supreme before the law ...









16 comments:

  1. Gad, Madam, the Eclaire is right: "To many ordinary Australians, the amount of time already spent on discussing the voice has already reinforced the cliche that the political and media class is insulated from common experience." Of course that's right; when I watch the TV news of a night (Channels 10, 71, 30 and ABC 21/24) I am astounded by how the "voice" referedum is just about the only thing ever mentioned - not more than about a dozen words per night on every other political matter - and especially nothing at all about "puppet masters seeking to topple the Libs"

    Except, that is, for when, as Eclaire informs us: "We are repeatedly told public largesse needs to be reined in for the greater good." And we are told that repeatedly by the reptiles, aren't we.

    ReplyDelete
  2. But, but GB…. The price of gourmet chips has almost doubled! Can’t you feel her pain?

    Claire also relies on the tired old presumption that governments are incapable of dealing with more than one issue at time. She knows better, but in classic Reptile style assumes that her readers are idiots.

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    Replies
    1. Naah, haven't bothered with those once-upon-a-time-potato things for quite a while now, Anony - I don't have lunch in the pub at all these days. No sympathy whatsoever.

      But hey I'd reckon that she 'presumes' about her readers. not merely 'assumes'.

      Delete
    2. While many on the Flagship carry the title of 'Editor', it is clear that none of them do any of that tedious editing. An actual editor would have asked the Claire what she thought she was telling her readers by writing 'If the economic situation does not improve prior to the October referendum, the Prime Minister will find himself in a catch-22.'

      Merriam Webster has set out a concise definition, that a "Catch-22" is "a problem for which the only solution is denied by a circumstance inherent in the problem or by a rule."

      I cannot see how that possibly applies to the circumstances the Claire is predicting, so we can put it down to her fluffing her piece with a vogue expression; well, one that was dropping out of the vogue compendium 30 or more years ago. Which is where much of her thinking remains.

      Delete
    3. The question I have with the Eclaire is just whether she will understand anything I'm trying to tell her.

      Delete
  3. A mighty effort from Henry today, ranging throughout time and space, name-checking myriad Greats of Western Civilisation (including Thucydides, since of course Reptile culture warriors always consider the Ancient Greeks and Romans to “somehow be part of “Western Civilisation” - I sometimes wonder how they classify the Byzantines….), invoking great principles and even the thought of Queen Vicki getting a thrilling shiver in her voluminous bloomers - and all in a desperate attempt to camouflage and excuse psychopathic behaviour. Funny there’s also no mention of the attempts to cover up such behaviour, and to interfere in its investigation.

    Trouble is, it doesn’t seem to matter how many layers of fine material you wrap around shit - the reek still seeps through.

    Bonus points to Henry for also getting in a snide aside regarding #MeToo - we can possibly look forward to his next sermon being on the Lehrmann-Higgins case, should the Reptiles manage to maintain their current campaign for a further week.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. As you elaborate with such love, discernment and finesse, surely today's effort by our Henry is a Meisterwerk, a summation, though it's possibly not his thought, and only deluded optimists could imagine him following Beethoven, and after the ninth, retreating into silence ...

      The pond is mildly astonished that only you seem to have recognised an artist at his peak, though to hint at breaking Godwin's Law, there are many other warriors awaiting Henry's redemption ...

      Delete
    2. Yeah, truly good to see old Holely Henry reintroducing Thucydides into his missives. Though he does actually believe that the Greeks and Romans were part of the Western Judeo-Christian Civilisation. Because the Trinity Part 2 could reach back in time to instruct the Greeks and Romans how to be Catholics.

      But the part I like goes something like this:
      Gotta separate the song from the singer
      The art from the artist
      The act from the actor
      And most importantly, the deed from the doer.

      So indeed Jack the Ripper could have been awarded a Victoria Cross, couldn't he. After all, a "replica" VC was once awarded to a woman (Elizabeth Webber Harris in 1869 with Queen Vicki's approval) and if they can be awarded to women - who have in the entirety of human history never done anything brave or self-sacrificing - then anybody can get one.

      But apropos Higgins-Lehrmann, the big deal now is David Sharaz and the devious plot to destroy the Libs.

      Delete
  4. "Why if Jack the Ripper hisself had been given a gong for his splendid work teaching
    the fuzzy wuzzies a lesson at Rourke's Drift, the odd little street crime would do
    nothing to tarnish the medal ..."

    That's going straight to the Pool Room. Whenever DP channels Colonel Blimp
    she is inspired.

    A small aside -
    In regards to war, my father and five WW 2 vet uncles never talked of it
    around us kids, though at times I would eavesdrop:

    "If you are in a war you are part of a crime, period."

    I asked my mom about that. She eyed me and said she and her parents
    worried every day for 3 years if that was the day they would be notified
    her 2 brothers were killed or missing, it almost crushed her mom.

    I was quite the little militarist back then, a Civil War buff thinking how
    cool it would be to be a drummer boy at Gettsyburg.
    But that got me thinking, I still recall the moment.








    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. When you've got some spare time. look up an Aussie play titled 'The One Day of the Year' (Alan Seymour) JM. We are all one now.

      Delete
    2. Ta, MJ or JM, that reminded the pond of a scene in John Ford's The Horse Soldiers where cadets from the local military institute march out to do battle with John Wayne and William Holden, and it was only much later that the pond learned it was based on a real incident ...

      During the battle Confederate general John C. Breckinridge ordered cadets from the Virginia Military Institute (VMI), some of them child soldiers no older than 15, to join an attack on the Union lines. The event has gone on to become central to many of the Institute's myths and traditions.

      Does that include John Wayne giving them a spanking or being dragged off home by mum? (Sorry, the pond sticks to the strict Tamworth spelling)

      https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Battle_of_New_Market

      Delete
    3. GB,
      'The One Day of the Year' item is going in my Oz Studies file. I will get to it.
      Which reminds me I have never quite finished David Horne's 'The Lucky Country'.
      Dated it may be, but it's not a bad basic primer for we foreign folk, though
      he has no clue how to write in an entertaining as well as informative style.

      DP,
      I have got to get me a Strine/English dictionary, when you led off with
      "Ta, MJ", I scrolled back up to see which poster was "Ta".
      A Homer Simpson DOH! moment, which would not surprise a certain
      in-law who delights in referring to me as "indolent jesting stock".

      Damn DP, the Battle of New Market? I am not kissing your tookus, I
      loathe a crawler, but you often surprise me with what you know.
      Actually most everyone here impresses with their knowledge, I have
      learned a lot.
      Hmm, maybe I am a crawler, but not so much they'd have to tie a rope to
      my ankle in order to drag me back out.

      The movie was based on Grierson's Raid in the Western Vicksburg
      campaign, but Ford knew his oats cinema wise and used the VMI
      boy's attack for The Horse Soldiers.
      The movie's truncated ending was because Ford had insisted on days
      of filming the men wading on horses through deep swamps, including the
      stars. Almost everybody got ill with fevers, chills and violent dysentery to
      the point they had buckets a few feet from the cameras which the actors
      rushed to after being propped up for a few lines lines.
      Still, it is probably one of the most accurately rendered Civil War
      pictures ever, equipment/tactics spot on.

      Delete
    4. Always a pleasure MJ, and soon you'll be speaking fluent Tamworth, though it's only borrowed plumage ...

      https://english.stackexchange.com/questions/5567/where-does-ta-come-from

      Next, how to respond when someone asks "when's tea?" You might well think they're asking for a cuppa, but they're asking "when's dinner?" And then a whole world of confusion erupts ...

      https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tea_(meal)

      https://www.merriam-webster.com/words-at-play/dinner-vs-supper-difference-history-meaning

      Delete
    5. Ta for those, DP.
      One day when the New England Tours coach drops me in Tamworth my
      advanced degree in Oz Studies courtesy of Pond University will allow me
      to blend in with the locals.
      As I step out in front of The Big Golden Guitar, all I will have to do is duct tape
      some corks to my Yankees cap, yell cooee, then it's bada bing bada boom,
      forghedaboudit, I'm as fair dinkum as GB and true blue as Chadwick.

      Delete
  5. " it's just the Catholic Boys' Daily celebrating the joys of an interfering church..." And if it hadn't been 'regally' resurrected by William the Marshall during his time as regent to Henry III, it would simply have faded away into forgotten history.

    Though the Carta Foresta would have thrived. Thank William the Marshall yet again.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Get your solar panels and battery installed asap.

    El Niño is coming. We must plan for the worst to protect Australia’s energy system
    https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2023/jun/09/el-nino-is-coming-we-must-plan-for-the-worst-to-protect-australias-energy-system

    ReplyDelete

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