Each week John Oliver seems intent on devising new ways to terrify the pond with stories about grift and corruption in the United States and the latest one, about that peculiar institution, HOAs, was a doozy. 92 year olds deprived of a park bench and homes picked up for four bucks ...
The pond almost felt the need to join young people without a chance in watching his takedown of Chuck E. Cheese.
Of course if you google Oliver you also discover he once dropped almost US$10 million on an Upper West Side condo.
Never mind, throw in daily news of mass shootings, the deep corruption of Clarence Thomas and the Supreme Court, and the pill-banning, medical science-defying mango Mussolini appointed judges, not to mention the the fear-mongering and chaos produced by a onetime Australian, the dirty digger and his minions, and is it any wonder the pond has weird dreams?
Throw in Marina Hyde monstering Keir Starmer and the pond is ever so pleased to be free of the Ēostre curse.
Free? Freedumb more like it. Welcome to the pond's never-ending nightmare alley, where reptiles and geeks daily bite off chicken necks for the entertainment of the older demographic ...
For starters, the pond must have met Cathy Wilcox in an EV somewhere on the Hume over the Ēostre break.
That major artery collapses like a severed limb for EV drivers at the slightest hint of stress at Ēostre or Xmas time.
Over the break, the pond's partner this Ēostre saw one EV driver assault another vehicle for breaking the golden 80% rule ...
Never mind, if you're rich enough to afford an EV, you can take time out to learn the ancient art of Zen patience and meditation as a way of reducing range anxiety and rage about a complete lack of chargers ...
And after that Ēostre suffering, the crucifying of EV drivers, what do the reptiles offer this day in recompense?
Yet more hysteria about Aboriginal art, with the reptiles in full cry in both the digital and the tree killer editions...
"Now's the time to be informed"?
What cruel irony is this, what infinite mocking jest? Now surely is the time for fear mongering on a rampaging reptile scale ...
Always more fun than Mario and always a mug, the pond looked below the fold and found the lizard Oz editorialist rampant ...
Who would cast the first stone and blame the pond for settling down to a jolly good, dry as dust, desiccated coconut groaning? It's budget time and the soporific factor is high, perhaps off the charts...
As soon as Dame Groan began with a "Dear Jim", the pond knew it could settle back and relax, knowing that it was in Richardson's Pamela territory ...
DEAR FATHER AND MOTHER,
I have great trouble, and some comfort, to acquaint you with. The trouble is, that my good lady died of the illness I mentioned to you, and left us all much grieved for the loss of her; for she was a dear good lady, and kind to all us her servants. Much I feared, that as I was taken by her ladyship to wait upon her person, I should be quite destitute again, and forced to return to you and my poor mother, who have enough to do to maintain yourselves; and, as my lady’s goodness had put me to write and cast accounts, and made me a little expert at my needle, and otherwise qualified above my degree, it was not every family that could have found a place that your poor Pamela was fit for: but God, whose graciousness to us we have so often experienced at a pinch, put it into my good lady’s heart, on her death-bed, just an hour before she expired, to recommend to my young master all her servants, one by one; and when it came to my turn to be recommended, (for I was sobbing and crying at her pillow) she could only say, My dear son!—and so broke off a little; and then recovering—Remember my poor Pamela—And these were some of her last words! O how my eyes run—Don’t wonder to see the paper so blotted.
Sorry, the sorely troubled pond digresses, and returns to the groaning for more blotted paper ...
Oh dear, the three fold listicle from hell, and the Groaner has the pond in her thrall, and all that's needed for complete boredom is a snap of a gesticulating bureaucrat ...
What was noteworthy about that? Well surely the use of "cack-handed" ... a fine example of Dame Groan's inherent tendency towards bigotry and dung ...
Please explain? Well it's explained
here ...
It’s certainly British. It’s only obscure, though, if you’re from somewhere else, since it’s a well-known British informal term for somebody who is inept or clumsy. By extension, as I know to my cost, being of the sinistral variety myself, it means somebody left-handed, who does everything “backwards” and so looks clumsy or awkward. It first appeared in the middle of the nineteenth century.
The American Heritage Dictionary suggests it comes from Old Norse keikr, bent backwards, and other American dictionaries also suggest this. I disagree, as do most British works of reference. The direct association is with cack, another fine Old English term, for excrement or dung. Cachus was Old English for a privy, and both words come from Latin cacare, to defecate.
It almost certainly comes from the very ancient tradition, which has developed among peoples who were mainly right-handed, that one reserved the left hand for cleaning oneself after defecating and used the right hand for all other purposes. At various times this has been known in most cultures. Some consider it rude even to be given something using the left hand. So to be left-handed was to use the cack hand or be cack-handed.
There are similar terms in other languages, such as the French main de merde for somebody awkward or butter-fingered.
But what of the budget? Easy peasy, and not worth a groaning surely ...a cut or a trim here, a bit of a spend there, and oodles of reptile hysteria and listicles and groans ... to be sure, to be sure ...
Indeed, indeed, and the pond expects Jimbo to fix global inflation quick stix ... and what better way than with the budget?
And so to the main course where the bromancer, who was in exceptional form this Ēostre, found himself once again in the sort of fine company reserved for Xians ...
Usually the pond would hand out an automatic red card for a reptile blathering about the Voice - Dame Slap has gathered stacks for her diligent work on both the voice and the Lehrmann matter ...
...The agency will also investigate whether the police attempted to pervert the course of justice by “bypassing administrative processes that enabled protected information contained in a brief of evidence to be served on the defence at the time the summons and charge were served”.
This is a reference to sensitive material the police gathered in its investigation which would normally be redacted before being given to the defence legal team, but which was not in the case of the Lehrmann trial.
This material included notes from Higgins’ private psychological sessions, and the video of her interview with police.
Some sensitive material later found its way into articles in The Australian newspaper. (
Nine)
But the pond has a soft spot for the deeply weird bromancer, surely one of the strangest reptiles beavering away in the rag.
Sure, it'll just be more bashing of difficult, uppity, pesky blacks, always creating a nuisance and a mischief - some even think there was an invasion, and folks of the bromancer kind stole their country - but the bromancer has no time for that sort of thinking and knows how to put uppity blacks back in their place, or their box or whatever.
Xians have been doing that for several centuries in this fair land, so why not carry on regardless ...
In tears!! Oh don't wonder to see the paper so blotted, that's what tears will do ...
It goes without saying it would be at best unwise, more likely foolish in the extreme to bother to argue with a tear-sodden bromancer, what with the pages all wet and the ink running wildly everywhere.
As usual, it's best to quietly observe the reptile in its natural habitat as it goes about the business of tearing open its prey and gorging on the entrails ...
Woke orthodoxy!! Talk about a knockdown argument and a keen way to beguile vulgar youff ...
As for the rest, just watch the way the powerful jaws and finely honed teeth tear out the innards and begin the masticatory process ...
A persuasive Dame Slap?! Game over, done deal. But please allow a little more time so that the bromancer can do over the LINO ...
Please, no mistakes. The pond isn't referring to the sort of
linoleum that haunted the pond's dreaming in the old days ...
Why that's post-modern, almost Mondrian, the pond was thinking more of this sort of puke ...
Actually to be fair, the pond was thinking of Liberals In Name Only, of the Sharma kind, the sort that drives the bromancer into a frothing, foaming frenzy ...
Oh it was a Birmingham. Could a Sharma and a Birmingham mate?
And so to a short final word from a cruel bilby hater ...
It's always the details that are evocative ...
Bromancer meet undertaker, undertaker do the work the bromancer desires ... and send some of that splendid fencing to Surry Hills, the building needs a little enhancement ...
And now for a kind of Chuck E. Cheese bonus, a word from the lizard Oz editorialist ...
Sssh! Please, no mention of climate change or climate science, it always upsets the reptiles so, gets them prowling about in their cages ...
And so with comrade Dan clearly at fault, a final word ... because to save the village, it's best to destroy the village, and when it comes to the bush, burn, baby, burn...
Oh indeedy do, every reasonable precaution, and it goes without saying that talk of climate science is entirely unreasonable ...
And so to a few bonus cartoons as a way to wrap up proceedings ...
Oh dear, all that very 'brown' hydrogen we - and the Japanese - will miss out on. I guess we'll just have to keep on burning all that lignite locally then.
ReplyDeleteJapanese-funded $500m project to extract hydrogen from Victorian coal is at risk, sources say
https://www.msn.com/en-au/news/australia/japanese-funded-500m-project-to-extract-hydrogen-from-victorian-coal-is-at-risk-sources-say/ar-AA19GmP8?
The Bro-Marathon continues…..
ReplyDeleteGiven the Reptiles’ usual weird obsession with Nu Zulund as an example of all that is wrong with the world (including no doubt it’s lack of Murdoch Media…), it’s surprising that it’s anti-Voice campaign hasn’t yet cited NZ as an example of the horrors that await us should the referendum get up. After all, their Parliament actually has *gasp* dedicated Māori seats. Why aren’t the likes of the Bro and Dame Slap pointing with horror to that as the sort of “systematic racism” we could eventually end up with following the introduction of a thin-end-of-the-wedge Voice? Could it be that not even the Reptiles are tempted to be that absurd?
I’m sure Barnaby would happily adopt that argument if it was suggested to him though. Apparently he was on one of the breakfast TV shows yesterday, burbling on about the Voice giving Indigenous Australians control over defence and tax measures. All without pushed for evidence, of course.
Are you sure the Reptiles know about the EnZed situation, Anony ? They're not a particularly well-informed lot, are they.
DeleteWell, the Reptiles’ anti-Voice campaign is finally having some effect; the Shadow A-G, Julian Lleser, has quit the Opposition front bench.
ReplyDeleteKinda makes a mockery of the Bro's comments about Dutton's position "having overwhelming support in the federal Liberal Party" and Leeser "owning his position and taking a prominent role in the debate", doesn't it?
DeleteCome to think of it, the Bro's contribution today is totally mockable.
Mercurial - I have just been watching the Bro on Sky, doing a number on that crummy ingrate, Leesor. In the process, he - Sheridan - seems to be wooing Dutton more ardently than he did the Onion Muncher. Could we be seeing a new Bromance?
DeleteOur Bro held forth that 'The Voice' would bring identity politics - race - into the Constitution, and that would be axiomatically bad. Well, one of the successful referenda of a few years back already introduced what the Bro would rate as 'identity politics' into the Constitution, because it dropped the concept of 'party' - of the political kind - into that sacred document. That was done with support of both major, um - 'parties', but, by the Bro's thinking, it is absolutely identity politics. He claims to have been a remarkably politically-involved person back then - being 20 years old when the amendment on 'casual vacancies' was incorporated into the Constitution - so its significance should have registered with, and remained with him.
If I might mention another editorial of this day (actual editorialists not being identifiable in most cases) headed 'No white elephants for taxpayers.' We have come to understand that the quarantine facility at Wellcamp was caught up in jealousy of the Wagners from another local, who became wonderfully wealthy through building project homes on hectares acquired through remarkably astute deals and planning decisions. That person is also a dominant character in Toowoomba's peculiar politics - State and Federal, presumably by being source of funds. So sitting local members at both levels followed his directions, disparaging every aspect of the facility. To be fair, Littleproud did not deliberately delay the special agricultural visa that he had promised the extensive horticultural industries in this area just at the behest of wealthy wheeler-dealer; his innate incapacity to make anything happen is how he, er, 'managed' to land not one single agricultural worker into the entire country, let alone his, or adjacent National, electorates, in the 18 months or so that the special visa was supposed to be brewing to get the crops planted, then harvested. But, then - Maranoa very likely would have voted Mary Mallon if she had National Party endorsement, and she would at least have provided some good roast dinners.
ReplyDeleteOh - and white elephants - LNP state and federal are still claiming there is a case to spend $300 million, and rising, to store - not capture, but store - 12 gigalitres in Emu Swamp Dam, to boost that same horticultural industry that they would not provide visas and quarantine to bring in labour during that pandemic thing.
Talking about those "who became wonderfully wealthy" here's a new word: 'wealthism'. Yes, it is the appalling social crime of not respecting billionaires, and especially not those who made it themselves.
DeleteHow can you comfort a sad, scared billionaire? Call them a ‘person of wealth’
https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2023/apr/11/comfort-sad-scared-billionaire-call-them-person-of-wealth
Maybe Sloan should be reminded of the history of the liberal party and how they managed the economy when pig iron Bob was in his hay day the deficit was never a problem. And for that matter with the support of the media moguls and divisions in the labor party he was even able to win at the polls when the interest rates where 23% all this is not mentioned by the mindless lickspittles from murdocracy.
ReplyDeleteAnd we did manage to clear a very big end-WWII debt too.
DeleteBut now we see that Libs et al seem to believe that a national economy is just the same as a household budget and that "money" is some real thing with an existence of its own.
Which it very clearly isn't, since we have to, and do, just "print" more and more of it every year to accommodate our increasing population. Or do we think that's something the Groany has never actually noticed ? That money can just be sucked out of thin air at the level of a national economy, but not at the level of a household budget.
The other editorial - on bushfires - cites minister Dib that the increased risk comes from grass fires, but had already mentioned former CSIRO scientist advocating doubling of 'controlled burns'. It is nigh impossible to have 'controlled burns' on open grassland. Much of that 'grassland' is, in fact, grain crop. Broadacre farmers across the Darling Downs plant a succession of crops through the year, and may take of as many as 5 individual harvests, so there is not a season of bare earth anymore. The other grasslands usually carry sheep or cattle, and, increasingly, odd 'herds' like free range chooks, alpacas - everyone wants to run enough stock to quality for the tax benefits of being a 'primary producer'. Not as many want to slash or cut their pasture to reduce its fire response.
ReplyDeleteNow if we already had 'the Voice', it could have advised all about that.
DeleteAs others have noted, Greg is The Australian’s foreign correspondent, but feels the need to proselytize on his religion one day and on another give us his opinions (completely without the details about how the Liberals and Nationals would recognise Aboriginal peoples in the constitution or indeed do anything to improve the widening gap between Aboriginal peoples and the wider population).
ReplyDeleteWho exactly is Greg speaking of when he labels those advocating a “yes” vote as the “Woke orthodoxy” and the “Aboriginal leadership class”? I suspect he would be loath to say specifically who he means by these insulting generic labels (can I do a Greg and call it thuggery?), just as as the Coalition and Downer could not name those schools for which the school infrastructure program had been bad. Better just to make an unsubstantiated falsehood about how it was all a waste of money.
Yes, it is about power. Ensuring those most affected by decisions made at the national level will at least have the power to be heard is the essence of democracy. But Greg goes down the Thatcher road of saying there is no such thing as community or society, only individual citizens. No, we don’t have agreements to settle disputes, we don’t have senators and parliamentarians who represent different communities/electorates, we don’t settle disputes between matters in courts, we probably don’t really have different political groups or parties, we probably don’t even have neighbourhoods or family groups, we are just all individual citizens seeking our own thing, all living harmoniously in the Murdochian’s La La Land.
Greg could try the sports pages or fashion pages and see if he could come up with something there or perhaps he could do a Cory/Tony and strip to the bare essentials to get attention for The Australian’s columns? It would be preferable to the trash he currently serves up.
And in classic examples of projection, the Bro, and Blot, and Senator Jacinta Yangapi Nampijinpa Price (must give full naming respect) and the roll call of mediocraties on Sky say they are appealing for calm and civilized debate, which they foster by referring to people proposing 'The Voice' as 'haters', offering 'garbage' arguments (Blot - who else) 'demented' - and so on. Oh, and if the concept of 'projection' is not familiar to you, Rita Panahi (finding it ever more difficult to pose as the ingenue) in unwitting self parody, gave an explanation a few days ago - but, of course, accusing those who disagree with her as practising 'projection' with their word choices.
DeleteYou reckon they've reached a standard as high as mediocrity, Chad ?
DeleteAnd indeed Ms Panihi is a joy but if she can no longer be the ingenue what can she do: join the exodus to Murdoch media in the USA ?
So in summary, The Lizard Editorialists have laid out the EXACT advice that the group of ex-firefighters were trying to impress upon Prime Minister Photo Opportunity back in 2018 and 2019. Literally, the same advice that he ignored.
ReplyDeleteAnd for fans only, you'll recall that back in 2019/2020 the Lizards were not blaming fuel load - they were blaming arsonists :) :) . All of them - en suite as it were. And in a surprise that no-one saw coming, a strange plot twist - they were all 100% wrong. Oh Lizards, oh you silly Lizards, you've done it again!
The Leeser defection does rather undermine the claims by Dutton, Dame Slap and her “Constitutional experts” that the Voice is legally questionable…..
ReplyDeleteOh dear, Bro: "The Liberal arty has huge work ahead in respecting its local branches in preselections, improving its pitch to the aspirations of young people, getting back to coherent economic olicy, consciously seeking the support of ethnic communities [but never no Voice !] radically improving its social media efforts and much else." Blimey, 9+ years in federal power (and quite a bit in NSW and even some time in SA) under three of the all-time greatest PMs - after Menzies and Howard that is, of course - and the Libs still have all of that "and much else" to do. And Peter Dutton has been there for every minute of it (and more). How many centuries in power will "the Coalition" need to manage to achieve even a tiny little bit of the Bro's recipes for immortal power ? I guess they'll have to learn to stop running backwards first, won't they.
ReplyDeleteMore Bro: "We put an end to race-based immigration." Well you had to didn't you, or else expel yourselves and us Pommie descendants as "illegal immigrants".
And here: "Why else are we constantly told that sovereignty was never ceded ?" Just possibly, Bro, because sovereignty never was ceded ? Just asking.
And lbnl*, "It will be important that Julian Leeser, the relevant shadow minister, own his new position and take a prominent role in the debate." And so he does, and so he is.
* lbnl=last but not least
Today's Mr Ed: "Prepare for bushfires with heavy fuel loads, El Nino". But all fully precedented: every last lump of ash and every burning twig is fully and totally precedented ! So "On a continent in which the ravages of summer bushfires have been documented since the mid-10th century..." You see ? All known and all fully precedented !
ReplyDeleteTo the blustering Bro...I think this is the real reason there were tears in that party room. Apols to Smokey Robinson.
ReplyDeleteThe Cracks Have Appeared
People say there's no life in their party
'Cause they lost in '22
And now they're stuck with Spud
Who's not such a smarty
That is why they're blue
And now the Libs are all over the place
It seems their minds are in outer space
Since they decided to campaign on race
The cracks have appeared
Since they lost they've been living in another world
Wondering how it was they got done
It seems they can't compute
That they got the boot
Because of all the lies they have spun
Outside the world is changing
Inside they're disengaging
A bunch of clowns
Who are breaking down
They're having a shake-up
But they'll never wake up
Boo hoo!
So now they're trying to put on a face
But it looks like they've been sprayed with mace
If you look closely it's easy to trace
The factor of fear...
I like Linda's version
https://youtu.be/OYLSvXYp_5U
Oh Kez, you tops yourself again - that is just tear inducingly brilliant!!
DeleteCheers VC. It's funny you should mention tears because the working title was "The Backbencher's Tears"!
DeleteWell said, Kez! Performed by Whitey Dutton & the Debacles?
ReplyDeleteBrilliant Anony! And thank you.
Delete