The pond is mad as hell, and isn't going to take it any more, and is going on strike.
Oh sure, the news that the Nation and Western Civilisation might yet be saved - apparently there's not another university in the country, apart from the ANU - was pleasing, as the reptiles dreamed of salvation. Such a dreaming, such a salvation ...
But the pond had been there and done that for the day, and remained furious and inconsolable.
From time immemorial, from time forgotten, from the long lost beginning days of the Department of Finance subsidy scheme, Tuesday has been Caterist day …
The reptiles might try to throw the pond a little onion soup for distraction …
But that's just a fair average bit of wrecking, undermining and sniping. Where's the bloody Caterist?! His day of reckoning isn't until September and until then he can keep singing for his supper ...
Look at the rest of the reptile fodder on offer …
Dame Slap groaning about Super, Dame Groan groaning about Bowen - and being honoured with the bloody Lobbecke of the day! - and the bromancer spotting dissidents and terrorists, likely hidden in Catholic charities, and Josh imagining he could placate the jihadi onion muncher?
What a wretched bunch. Sure, the pond has no standards, but these are even below the pond's no standards low standard.
Not even the Lobbecke could tempt the pond, though it must be admitted that the image of a crucifixion was pleasing, if only because once upon a time, Lobbecke would have been branded a heretic and crucified himself for his blasphemous crime …
Sure the reptiles tried some excellent science, because we all know about the dangers of the "blut" …
Dang, imagine those mice turned into tattooed bikies, roaming up and down King or Brunswick street on their Harleys …(let's face it, no one with any style rides down Hindley street)
Jut look at this rat pack of wasted time …
Sweet long absent lord, with dashing Donners already done, the only thing that tempted the pond in that motley true of mice gangsters was the bit about the bee-pocalypse, coming as it did so soon after Media Watch moaned for an entire show about the suffering of the ABC …
Uh huh, but when the pond went looking for confirmation, what did it find?
Not that the silly buggers scribbling for a journal about bees would know anything up against the superior knowledge of the reptiles of Oz, cherry-picking a couple of quotes to have a go at the ABC, as is required by law at the lizard Oz, it being mandated that there be at least one attack per day …
But anyone can cherry pick and so the pond did by heading off to Time here …
Of course the pond could have gone on cherry-picking.
It turns out the folks at the Bee Journal have a bee in their bonnet about declining bees, what with Wild Bee Decline Threatens US Crop Production in 2016, and deadly mite attacks, and so on, though there are only excerpts designed to tempt bee lovers into forking over, and then there was The Conversation rabbiting on about bee decline and disappearing species on 22nd May 2018 here, with graphs …
And the pond was moved to shout to the simplistic, simpleton folk at Cut and Paste, it's not just about point-scoring about the ABC you fuckwit claiming to be a fact-checker, and trotting out a couple of cherry-picked quotes, there are interesting things happening in the world and all you want to do is take a cheap shot at the ABC and the pond is as mad as hell and it isn't going to take it any more …
Think of the hard times the bumble bee is facing, you bumblers, instead of of always humming along with that bee in your bonnet about the ABeeC …
Oh that's way worse than watching Batman re-runs on SBS …
Okay, the reptiles tried to toss the pond a placatory bone by wheeling out Lloydie, alarmed at the fate of his T-bone steak …
But that was just Lloydie being paranoid and trying to turn cows into the next coal battleground …
Yes, it's the old routine about farting cows, though if that's a criterion, the sooner the pond is removed from the planet, the sooner climate change can be fixed …
As might be expected from Lloydie, it's just a beat-up, and also like Lloydie a little dribble of alternative views begin to trickle into sight in the second gobbet, and it turns out it isn't farting that's the worry, it's burping ...
Problem solved. The pond will change its foraging habits, in a bid to allow it to continue to have porridge for breakfast, and the planet will be saved and Lloydie can still have his T-bone …
But it didn't stop the pond from being as mad as hell, and deciding to leave the reptiles alone for the rest of the day - gangsta mice, the ABeeC, followed by a course of burping cows was just too bloody much…
If the Caterist doesn't appear tomorrow, there'll be hell to pay, reptiles, and a demand that the Department of Finance insist on a refund of its cash in the paw …
And so to a few cartoons dealing with the hive mind …
Interrupting the interruption to Caterist service DP, as @rgcooke has just tweeted a piece of poetry so keen and adroitly finessed, I nearly cried. May it tickle you in some way as well:
ReplyDelete"The surest sign that the right wanted the Ramsay Centre to fail was that they put @TonyAbbottMHR in charge of it, a shit-handed Midas of serial failure who ruins everything he touches."
And adding JWHoward to the formula just made the mix superb. Then add Joe de Bruyn and Kimbo Beazley for a repast of total perfection.
ReplyDeleteYep, the only result on a par with that was putting Tom Switzer in charge of the United States Studies Centre.