In which the pond tends to the Devine while waiting for the war of the worlds to break out on the radio ...

Having presented the Dame Slap case for raising le doigt, it seemed only fair, right and just to present the Devine case for Malware ...

The pond suspects an ulterior motive on the part of the Devine.

After all, by the pond's count, we are only five days away from the next radio broadcast by the onion muncher, and who knows what rumblings, what divisions, what hostilities and deep anger that might produce, as the onion muncher takes to the mike and brays away...

With the lord of undermining, sniping and white-anting getting ready to speak, it's time for fortifications and for sand-bagging, and being the Devine, a little gas-bagging too ...

Indeed, indeed. You can't blame Malware for being deliciously agitated.

His dream job as leader of the opposition was snatched away from him, as if Utegate and Godwin Grech somehow had something to do with him, and then the usurper, a pathetic, risible onion muncher, totally stuffed up his deservedly short time as PM ...

Who wouldn't love Malware, the man who resurrected copper and brought it into the twenty first century?

But the pond doesn't mind doing spoilers or gazumping the Devine, since what followed the opening splash was tedious beyond belief.

How did her urgent pleading go down with her demographic, admittedly as barking mad as any readership Dame Slap might boast about ...

Oh dear, that's most discouraging and dispiriting, and we're only five sleeps away from the baying hound roaming the 2GB moors and terrifying the faithful ...

By golly the pond is hoping it will be as great as the great Adenoid Hynkel's finest speech ...

But enough of the distractions, the pond must get on with the Devine shoring up the battlements and sandbagging the drawbridge ...could we start with a snap of a cheesy, smirking, copper-loving loon?

No wonder the Devine case for Malware went down with her demographic so well, since what she seems to be saying is ...

... and we know what happened the last time the sauce bottle was shaken ...but has she got anything else?

The funny thing? Well the small and very noisy subset of "delcons" is actually the Terrorist base and the Devine base and the Bolter base and the lizards of Oz base, a braying bunch of rabid wolf hounds ravaging any hapless wet Liberal in their path ...

So when we get to the notion that the government is doing OK, by any fair assessment, the only response is to get out the Jaffas and throw them down on the stalls ...

Indeed, indeed. It's impossible not to sense a rising panic in the Devine, and the thought that after only five more sleeps, a voice will take to the radio, and rouse the alarums and explain to the citizenry just how bad things really are in this troubled land ...

By golly, that's grim, not just the lame newsreel humour, it's the munching on razor blades and eating light bulbs ...

Any last thoughts from the Devine?

Why can't they just get along?

Hmm, the pond has already been there this day ...

Let's hope it ends as well as that little excerpt. Only five more sleeps to go ...