In which petulant Peta shows how to do a decent persecution ...

The pond thinks it's had quite enough of whining, moaning Xians for the moment, though it is happy to think of all the persecuted everywhere this Easter, not limited to, but certainly including, those persecuted by Miranda the Devine and the Catholic Church and angry Sydney Anglicans in search of complimentary women ....

The pond might also mention persecuted Muslims, and persecuted gays and persecuted atheists and secularists, but unfortunately there's a lengthy list of those suffering persecution ... why, to tote up all the unfortunates persecuted by the likes of the Devine and the Bolter, there'd be a boatload of Triggs trying to flee the country ...

Happily, right next to the Devine, petulant Peta indulges in some persecution of Malware and ScoMo, and even has the cheek, in a quite blasphemous way, to use the resurrection of Jesus as a cheap political jibe ...

What next, jokes about a splash of vinegar, a spear to the ribs and a decent nailing? Has petulant Peta gone Python?

Well, the pond is always up for a bit of wrecking, undermining and sniping, and this feud goes a long way back ...

The trick here is to attempt to sound perfectly reasonable, quite sensible, while thrusting the dagger into the heart to the hilt, then twisting the blade ... pulling it out and plunging it in, again, and again, and the blood spurting, oh the blood ...

But enough of the movie references, let's get into it Peta-style ...

Oh revenge is sweet ...

Political death row, no end of trouble, fall from favour, lost 10 polls on the trot, destabilising leaks, the coming man, come and gone, a bullish manner, hyper delusional Weimar republic inflated self-confidence, rubbing colleagues up the wrong way ...

What he needs is a bit of humility, and a decent trashing by Peta ...the sweet lotus-flowered Buddha must be remembered for his suffering and torment ...

Now the pond and Peta have been there many times before, to drink from the well of bitterness, suffering and sorrow ...but let us not have talk of rats and sinking ships and speaking out of turn ...

Petulant Peta is, in the most objective and kindly way, simply continuing to voice the concerns of everyday supporters.

It's her right and her duty ...think of it not so much as an axe to grind as an axe that needs a good sharpening ...

Bitterness? Remember ...

Now look at how petulant Peta plays that game ...

Major error of judgement ...unmitigated disaster ... thought bubbles ...kite-flying ... bad campaign start ... they haven't learnt anything ... latest round of leaks ... racked by infighting ... unwilling to heed the lessons ... where did that man go?

Besides, he didn't really stop the boats. Everyone else did, and he just took the credit, the arrogant upstart. He needs a good dose of humility ...

And then comes a line which the pond deems an absolute ripper ... it's so good that the pond has to roll it around on the tongue, like a dose of 70% chocolate ...

In those days, Morrison was surrounded by a team who had his back, in sharp contrast with today, when there’s as much effort spent undermining his efforts, as there is supporting them.

Dear sweet absent lord, she's spent the entire column trashing him up and down hill, and to turn around and deplore the effort spent undermining his efforts ... it's such sweet hypocrisy, so joyous to behold, that the pond was ready for the risen Christ metaphor ...

More bravado than brainpower, susceptible to Canberra public service groupthink, headed for a cropper on budget night (pious wringing of hands and long-suffering look to heaven allowed for proper emphasis), do what Tony would have done - oh how we miss him - and the killer blow "As I know from experience", written in the manner, style and tone of a Major Mitchell ...

And then the joke about the resurrection.

Now the pond has long enjoyed the art of back-stabbing, and chest-stabbing, and lashing out at the rats lurking in the arras, but this is exceptional stuff.

There's barely an attempt to hide behind the notion that petulant Peta wishes the Malware government well, there's barely an attempt to conceal the fear and the loathing, and the impending delight as both Malware and ScoMo shape up to come a cropper on budget night ...

After reading this, the pond thought it might be a good idea for Comrade Bill to hire petulant Peta, because he should get everyone who hates Malware and wants his government to fail to get together under the one broad tent. 

But on second thoughts, even Comrade Bill and his mates might find the level of back-stabbing beyond what even the Painters and Dockers might think was a fun night on the Melbourne wharves ...

It seems this work is never-ending, and will never end ...

Bonniey Tony's noo awa 

Safely oer the friendly main; 

Mony a heart will break in twa, 

Should he no come back again. 

Will ye no come back again? 

Will ye no come back again? 

Better loed ye canna be; 

Will ye no come back again? 

Ye trusted in your wild-eyed hielan Peta, 

She trusted you dear onion-munching Tony! 

They kent your hiding in the north shore, 

Death and exile braving. 

Malware bribes were a in vain 

Tho puir and puirer we mun be; 

Siller canna buy the heart 

That aye beats warm for thine an thee. 

We watched thee in the gloamin hour; 

We watched thee in the surfing, bike-riding grey; 

Though $1.75 million dollars they gie, 

To put a Malware Campbell in the Lodge!

Oh, there is nane that would betray! 

Sweet's the laverock's note an lang, 

Liltin wildly up the Forestville glen; 

But aye to me she sings a sang, 

"Will ye no come back again?"

With apologies to the Jacobites and Charlie here, and in memory of the massacre of Glencoe - so many persecutions, so little time - but the song Will Ye No Come Back Again? must be sung, because someone must think of the cartoonists and their suffering and loss this Easter break ...