In which nattering "Ned" wins the Xian persecution routine hands down ...

Frankly the pond was extremely disturbed to spend its ritual Friday with Sharri when it could have been spending it with the proper goddess ...

Writing in the 8th century, the Anglo-Saxon monk Bede describes Ēostre as the name of an Old English goddess: "Eosturmonath has a name which is now translated "Paschal month", and which was once called after a goddess of theirs named Eostre, in whose honour feasts were celebrated in that month. Now they designate that Paschal season by her name, calling the joys of the new rite by the time-honoured name of the old observance." (Greg Hunt away here).

But thanks to the reptiles of Oz, things have got back to an even keel, perhaps even to an abundance of aged old fart angrily shouting at clouds excess ... with the reptiles putting prattling Polonius at the top of the page talking of important things ...

But wait, there was an important contender, scribbling furiously on the same theme:

Sheesh, two giants going hard at it, and google finding it very difficult to separate the pair:

Usually the pond would arrange a face off, a mano a mano contest in the ring, where after a fierce ground and pound there would be only one winner to emerge from the cage.

But it's simply not possible. The resulting post would be so huge it might reach to the end of the known universe.

Instead he pond is pleased to report that nattering "Ned" blitzes, demolishes, rolls over prattling Polonius like a verbose tank... though to be fair, the pond should explain it's got nothing to do with the quality of the content, it's all to do with the length, the size, the big hands, the rotund circumference, the oracular filibuster ...

You see, nattering "Ned" delivers such a sustained howl of pain that the pond was immediately reminded of Allen Ginsberg ...

Oh shush, Allen, it's bad enough that a stray reader might be girding loins to do valiant battle with nattering "Ned" without having to read your endless howl, though come to think of it, anyone who flinches in fear from nattering "Ned" might be better off heading over here to read your poem ... 

After all, the pond has already scored its hit, and logged a visit, so what does it care?

What, there's still one brave soul, lingering tardily, ready to plunge into the morass, the pit of despair? So be it, and may the pagan goddess sustain you in your seemingly endless journey through the wailing bog ...

Dear sweet long absent lord, he really is a tedious old fart ... but that reference to in-house pet Frank Furedi is a reminder how the reptiles stick together around the water cooler and reinforce each other with their weird, paranoid outlook on life ...

Fortunately, the pond doesn't measure stickability, which is to say the length of time a stray reader might stay around to endure torture ... when at the click of a mouse they could head off and stick their head in the jaws of a passing cat.

SEO sites routinely recommend a little humour to help with stickability... preferably somehow related to the theme of the moment, and the subject under discussion ...

Now the pond doesn't know Jordan from a bar of soap, but he was on a twitter roll here recently,  and he provides some nice visuals to break up nattering "Ned" ...

Fortunately this also removes the need for the pond to engage in any meaningful way with what in the end is a froth and foam diatribe, with noodles of rant ...

Oh sheesh, this is getting hard even for the pond, and it had its stomach surgically removed just so it could continue on in the pond blogging business. 

Come on Jordan, have you got something, anything?

Indeed, indeed, but all that does is make the pond want to run wild and free, as far away as possible from a righteous, sanctimonious, spluttering with rage, nattering "Ned" ... 

Why do the Xians still get so agitated about gays undermining all that's right and true and just? Could it be a secular religion?

The answer of course is simple.

Just wheel nattering "Ned" out to the front line, and after boring the Islamic fundies shitless for a few hours, they'll beat a hasty retreat.

Oh wait, second thoughts, Daesh and nattering "Ned" might find out how much they have in common when it comes to matters like complimentary women and teh gays.

What do you reckon, Jordan?

Ah good old ROI, but Jordan how to explain to a stray pond reader who has lasted this far, the ROI to be derived from reading a fulminating tiresome old fool? Could the chance to make a comment in any way compensate for the seemingly endless suffering?

Actually it's basic to the failing, flailing business plan of the reptiles of Oz that they should allow flanneled fools of the nattering "Ned" kind rabbit on at this sort of inordinate length.

If the pond doesn't watch out, it'll run out of Jordan tweets, and without a few raisins, who will make it through the week-old stale bread?

Ah yes, the entire point that nattering "Ned" is making. Pontius Pilate was put in a tricky no-win situation by the now long absent lord, given a raw deal, and forced to rule between fundamentalists of the Ned kind, and an uppity delusional who thought he was the son of god ... talk about a getting the rough end of the prawn-stuffed pineapple

What a pity that the fucking Xians weren't happy with a decent pagan Roman empire, and fucked everything up, and decided to demonise the gays and take an attitude on sex, and lots of other shit, and what do you know, a couple of thousand years later, we're still copping the same shit from the likes of nattering "Ned" ... and he never fucking shuts up ...

Look, if that hasn't killed the lizard Oz's business model stone dead, nothing will. 

Blind Freddy, if not nattering "Ned", could see that it's fucked the pond's ... it's likely anyone who made it this far only did it with the benefit of a stiff drink or ten, then hopped in a car and wiped themselves out in an Ēostre prang which saw them head off to meet the goddess ...

Never mind, it's time for the end credits to roll, and the pond would just like to thank Jordan for providing some company through the endless journey, the never-ending story which lacked an AURYN as we travelled through the Swamps of Sadness to the point where Nothing consumes the Southern Oracle ...

The pond originally visited Jordan thanks to him re-tweeting a Donald tweet - perhaps the pond was guided by the Ēostre goddess, and so, in the circumstances, the original tweet is probably worth a reprint ...

At last, a happy ending ... or is that just the pond believing in Fantasia? 

Damn you wicked secularists, damn you to an eternity of hell, or perhaps a stint in a volcano, or perhaps just a large-sized bowl of spaghetti ... anything, oh please anything, rather than a meal of nattering "Ned" ...