In which the pond enjoys a croc roll with Malware and the onion muncher, thanks to the reptiles of Oz ...

The pond is grateful ...

The logarithms have really been messing with the pond's mind.

Each night the late night comedians get stuck into Bill Orally, or the size of the Donald's crowds, or the lizard people eating amnesia-inducing chili, or any number of other reality TV show items, and all the pond can think is, "where are the Australian values, where's the Australian culture?"

The logarithms point the pond to the Colbert, the Seth or the Kimmel, and all the helpless pond can do is click and watch ... (though we only watch Kimmel for the Donald moments) ...

Must American politics dominate the way that Hollywood trashed the local industry?

That's why the pond was ever so pleased to see this at the top of the reptile digital front page this morning:

For the informed Australian?

Oh okay, it sucks, deeply sucks, as a slogan, like some pretentious pipe-smoking git of the Paul Cox kind from the 1970s pretending he reads Playboy for the sports news ...

A better pitch would be that it's for the entertained Australian ... all that jibber jabber about Australian values and it didn't take long for genuine Australian values to return.

Like sinking the slipper, or putting the boot in if you prefer the dinkum mixed with a little British argot ...

Talk about a dead Malware bounce, because not a nanosecond after Malware tried to brand himself as the new Pauline, there was Matthias back at the top of the page for another mano a mano moment with the onion muncher.

The result has plunged the reptiles into the pit of despair, or perhaps the swamp of desolation ...

Death roll? Didn't the prophetic croc pick Malware?

Well the pond will line up for a croc death roll any time. What a relief that dinkum Aussie values means blood in the water ...

Yes, oh yes, oh yes ... death roll time! 

Amnesia-inducing bowl of chili? Why that's got nothing on Liberals going at it hard ...

So if the pond is reading that metaphor about the NSW cops correctly, it's time for a third crocodile to enter the scene? Or perhaps a host of crocs?

Speaking of Mathias, wasn't he the one at the top of the reptile page trying to sort out the feuding crocs once again?

Stop the geeks! Oh wait, that was stop the leaks ... but how pleasing to see that Matty is still standing by his man, or at least his comments made to and about the man ...

Somewhat destructive? Good old Matty, always with the wisely chosen word. After all, crazed, psychotically, force of nature destructive might be more accurate as well as more evocative, but when in the eye of the cyclone, it doesn't help to talk too much of the wind speed ... lest the pond get blown into the billabong amongst the crocs.

The great thing about it all is the way that the gears grind over the same old elements of the story ...over and over again they grind ...making things a real challenge for the Croc Man ...

 

Is there a peacemaker in the house? Or must the two croc man feud and fight and fuss over a leak here and a leak there?

Measured and proportionate? What, like a bowl of chilli, boosted by having one of the pond's favourite chillis, if we might revert to an Australian spelling...

The pond has eleven sorts of chillis in pots out the back, and when there's not a croc in sight, it must head out and bite on one to bring a tear of joy to the eye.

That's not necessary today. Tears flowed like rain as a final gobbet of anxious chatter about the death roll flopped into view ...

 

Look, it's not just the feuding crocs. It's the incredibly dumb reptiles who don't understand the nature of crocs ...

Does Lyons, a la Gra Gra, really think that if Abbott had been invited in, he would have settled down and been a good boy? The same way that Malware was invited in, and behaved like a good boy while fucking over and fucking up the NBN?

Didn't any of them notice how well it worked out for Gillard with the former Chairman in the hen house? He actually achieved the onion muncher dream. He got back to the top. Sure it blew up like Jimmy Cagney at the top of an oil refinery, but that top crocs do. Blow themselves up ...

These feuding crocs hate each other's guts. It's a return to proper Australian values!

Ever since the onion muncher knocked off Malware, and Malware dreamed of revenge, and then Malware knocked off the onion muncher and now dreams of revenge we've been privileged to watch the best of genuine dinky di Oz values.

Look, it's true there's a downside to the entertainment. The pond will catch hell from the relatives if Comrade Bill gets in ... but in the meantime, the pond is seriously thinking of giving up its logarithms' addiction.

What's that you stay? It's a regular gig, and the onion muncher will be back on 2GB on Monday week? And the blood sport will continue, and there'll be more crocs rolling in the water?

At last, at last, forget being informed, at last we're being entertained, and the pond can avoid those dreadful American values ...

And if Orally has gone, how long before we can match it by saying farewell to Malware ... though the pond would settle in the interim for a farewell to onion munching ...

By golly how many reptiles get the shivers saying farewell to Orally?