In which the pond seeks the comfort and sage wisdom of prattling Polonius ...

The pond is acutely aware that its subject matter is limited. 

Having enjoyed the croc roll of doom yesterday, why should the pond return to the croc roll early on Saturday?

Is the pond so deep in gratuitous vulgar entertainment that all it can do is yearn for 'blut und tod', and the more the better, and cry out for the return of the Saturdee matinee?

But of course it is because prattling Polonius has offered up his sage advice, with the reptiles considering it so important they gave it two different headings, as a way of luring in lost souls, in need of reform and understanding ...

On the one hand it seems it's all Malware's fault, on the other it seems we are in company with a political colossus, an onion muncher worthy of evoking the magical names of Churchill and Ming the Merciless, oh and with a dash of FDR, if you don't mind waiter ...

Now there will always be sceptics in the room, suggesting the pond head off to others for a more sensible perspective. Why, there's Laurie Oakes scribbling for the Terrorists (well it helps to have one sane person in the room) ...

Oakes demolished that dodo Gra Gra for openers ...

Indeed, indeed, and then the stout-hearted Oakes risked blindness by staring into the heart of darkness, the belly of the beast, and contemplated the horror, the horror ...the anger of the Lernaean Hydra ...look, there's a shot of one of the beast's terse-lipped heads ...

A cranky, angry hater, a wild bull, an animal wanting to do animal acts, festering, sick, demented, crankier and crankier ... on the highway to hell, or the low road if it gets there quicker...

Now it's possibly not the pond's place to explain to the valiant Oakes how he should have done it. 

For that we should turn to Polonius, a master of the art of flattery, who knows how to lead by example.

As people have observed with the Donald, a stroking of the ego, a feeding back of flattery to the spoilt child is the way things should start ...

Where did Mr Oakes once observe "only four Liberal Party leaders have won government from opposition by defeating Labor at an election: Robert Menzies in 1949, who had it easy because of the nationalising of the banks thing, Malcolm Fraser in 1975, who had it easy because the deal was done and the fix was in, John Howard in 1996, against a spluttering and tired foe, and Abbott in 2013, perhaps the greatest Liberal warrior  of them all, defeating one of the most malignant villains ever seen in Australian politics, a hero for all times, a man whose name can never be expunged from the political annals ..."

Into the thickets he plunged, and valiant he emerged, to munch an onion and hold the head of his enemy high ...

Or some such thing. What an inspiration the bible is for smoting and smiting and beheading of enemies ...

And where were Mr Oakes' mentions of Churchill, FDR and Ming the Merciless?

Let us see how a master of flattery goes about the business ...

There's another precedent of course, one that prattling Polonius discreetly fails to mention, when a PM invited a crazy into the tent, but would have been better off clasping the asp to the bosom ...

Poor hapless thing, such a pretty snake, the kind you see regularly in the wild in Queensland ...

But of course Polonius's wandering through Liberal history and Gorton and silly Billy and such like is designed to intensify the sense of hurt and the stoic sense of injustice and a hero betrayed, a man of infinite Ming the merciless capacities, and still with so much anger and hate to give ...

   

Of course the onion muncher could have taken up super 8mm cinematography as a companion to his hobbies of cycling and surfing - the pond can recommend a quaint little photography store down south King Street - but revenge is a dish best served hot and steaming, to match that little turd Malware ...

Oh dear, where did that spring from, just as the pond was marvelling at the statesmanlike qualities of the onion muncher, up there with Churchill ...

  

Yes, he could have taken up amateur painting in the way of Churchill, done a kind of Adolf if you will, to add to his hobbies of cycling and surfing, but how would that take out that hot and steaming turd?

Time now for prattling Polonius to fuel the fire, to inflame the passion, to evoke Ming the Merciless, FDR, the war, and most importantly for Catholics, an absolution, and a right to go on speaking to Hadders on 2GB:

Oh indeed, indeed. How dare they treat this valiant warrior so shabbily. Why must he writhe in torment and suffer the indignity of the slings and arrows of outrageous Malware fortune?

There will be blood, there must be blood ...

Well at least there'll be another broadcast Monday week. Stay tuned ...

And now for completists, the pond thinks it should just add the rest of Oakes' piece ... if only for a compare and contrast, starting as it does with a fine shot of the hurt and wounded deer all alone in the jungle, surrounded by wolves, just off camera ...

Speaking of that shift to the right, what was all that fuss about Australian values? There one day, and gone the next ... 

Here's decent Australian values at work, blood in the water!

And speaking of the reef, and the shift to the right, it was probably only a coincidence that the immortal Pope reverted to the notion of Malware as Dorian Gray this day, and more papal interventions on lost souls here ...

What a choice ... between a contemptible loser and a contemptible winner ... may someone else have mercy on the reef and the planet because there's none to be found in this government...