In which the pond gives up climate and reality for a little quality time with the bromancer ...

After surviving the recent heatwave that has apparently turned pond readers into somnolescent cave-dwellers, naturally the pond was startled to read this Graudian headline, with the story here ...

As an exercise in futility, the pond decided to check out how the reptiles of Oz had covered the yarn, by searching for the words "climate" and "heat" on the front digital page of the lizard Oz ... and lo, there was just one mention ...

Did you spot it? 

There it was, right at the bottom, in links to coverage of other News Corp stories, in the list of top Currish Snail stories.

The pond should have warned you not to blink ...

Now elsewhere you could find reptile coverage ... news.com.au had New report reveals 2016 was hottest year on earth  ... though naturally it was well below the antics of Nick Kyrgios, a man who apparently is an obsession for the reptiles ...

So that's how you deal with inconvenient truths if you're a reptile ... you disappear them, make them go away, bury them under a rug or a carpet, rather like an Argentinian general dealing with recalcitrant dissidents ...

And then you carry on with important news ...

Yes a man who jumped the shark into bizarro land long ago scores a nod ... and meanwhile, one of your top columnists is ...

Yes a man who actually lives in bizarro land, and has done so for a very long time, is worth more space than the world's climate.

Is it any wonder that the pond marvelled and smirked at this advertisement, and this piece in the Daily Terror?

Actually, if the pond might be so bold ... sometimes it comes from dumb reptiles who aren't willing to admit they got their climate denialism wrong ...

That's how we score 'no climate news this day' from the fake news Oz reptiles ...

Well the pond just wanted to remind any stray reader that the pond was actually aware of reality and what was happening, before heading back into the bubble world of the mushroom Oz readers ...

After all, they've been HQ for climate denialism for so long, it should hardly have come as a surprise to the pond ...

And here's what they had this bright morning at the top of their commentariat opinion pieces...

The mutton Dutton standing vigilant, and the bromancer ...

In fact there was an abundance of bromancer blather ...

Yes the Donald is all the fault of the Chinese and Obama ... and Fox News and the Republicans, innocent hapless pawns that they are, were swept along, like corks bobbing on the ocean ...

But the pond is innately perverse and so it went with stern British steel ...

But why, you might well ask? Why waste a life on infinite folly and endless stupidity and an attempt to dress up the unlikely May in Churchillian glory?

Well the pond fancies itself as something of a reptile record, and this one will make great reading in a year or so's time ... in much the same way as the reptile behaviour on climate change, the Donald and Brexit in general will produce wondrous ironies ...

This won't be much good when we fry, you might say indignantly, but by golly, if the pond is going to give the scorpions a ride across the pond, it wants to be laughing when we all frizzle ...

Oh okay, it's mindless blather which sweeps under the carpet a whole range of issues, and settles for the cheap populism which both the bromancer and the onion muncher love. 

But it does allow the pond to remind stray readers that there's a world of Graudian cartooning to be found in the UK edition here ...you know the ones about Michael Gove fucking over Mrs May (such a quaint designation, so worthy of the bromancer), on behalf of the Chairman and The Times ...

Thus fortified, it's easy to finish off the bromancer in a gobbet gulp ...

Of course the ironies are obvious. 

There's the bromancer furiously scribbling how May offers Europe the hand of friendship and doesn't want the EU to fail or wish it ill, as the bromancer pisses on the EU, and its illiberal and limiting nature, from a great height for the entire piece ...

No doubt it's partly because the bromancer is a fuckwit incapable of appreciating the rich, redolent irony embedded in his work; and no doubt it's partly because the bromancer expects his readers to apply to his writing the same level of logic that he uses to write them ...

Such a stupid, stupid man ... and sssh, don't mention the climate ...

Well the pond will just settle for another cartoon or two from the Graudian ...