Pastor Danny Nalliah, Andrew Bolt, Peter Costello, and satanism rampant in Canberra. Time for an exorcism or flirty fishing?

(Above: Beelzebug. Sorry I meant to type Beelzebub, but it just slipped out).

Remember the good old days?

Brave Andrew Bolt on his charger rushing out to defend poor hapless persecuted Pastor Danny Nalliah and his mate Daniel Scot.

Back in the summer of '06 it was, when they tried to knock old Danny down, and the bells were ringing, the day they knocked old Danny down, and the judges and the politicians were singing, they went 'la, la, la'. But old Andrew took a rebel stand, proud and brave, and they couldn't land Pastor Danny in his grave. Oh it's a time I remember oh so well, 'la, la, la' (And you can read all about the brave Bolt's stand here if you can summon up the energy).

Flash forward to January this year and Peter Costello was still maintaining the faith in Pastor Danny by delivering a noble speech on the joys of Christianity for Australia Day celebrations, which you can find here on YouTube (in this version with some outraged annotations).

Flash forward a little further, and there in its seventeenth year, the good Pastor was collecting the top Ernie award for the most sexist comment of the year:

Shortly after the deadly February bushfires, the pastor said: "God's conditional protection has been removed from the nation of Australia, in particular Victoria, for approving the slaughter of innocent children in the womb." (here).

On the voices he beat out the notorious Kyle Sandilands and the NSW Police Force, which got a nomination for making a woman work overtime for expressing breast milk.

Well played Pastor Danny.

So what's Pastor Danny been up to lately, to justify the ongoing interest and concern of these worthies?

A former political running mate of Family First senator Steve Fielding says dark forces are casting spells on Federal Parliament.

Catch the Fire Ministries pastor Daniel Nalliah has organised a "prayer offensive'' to combat evil forces including witchcraft, homosexuality and abortion.

The discovery of a "black mass altar'' at Mount Ainslie in Canberra by a group of school students had inspired him to organise a prayer gathering at the area on Saturday.

I know, I know, paying attention, giving space, only eggs on publicity-craving attention seekers. By their loud mouthed eccentricities shall ye know them.

Fortunately in this crazy world this blog doesn't amount of a hill of beans, but even if it did, you'd still want to make room for Pastor Danny.

Think about it. Think about how we've never really been able to match America for sheer outright crazy loon religious thinking. The United States just has the best loons, while we struggle to keep up. It's offensive, it's upsetting, it's against the spirit of Gallipoli. Damn it, it's un bloody Australian.

Now you might think that we shouldn't be competing, but laughter's surely the best medicine, and the more crazy the religious right get, the more the likes of Costello and Bolt, dancing behind in the shadows, get tinged with their own brand of aspirational loonacy.

Sure Pastor Danny isn't subtle, and there's something almost tragic and poignant and desperate about his current caper, but that's part of the absurd, surreal charm.

"The type of altar discovered on Mount Ainslie pointed to a black mass and the work of dark forces wanting to cast spells on Australia and federal Parliament,'' Mr Nalliah said.

"These days people don't think the Devil is real but we have seen the bad effects of the spiritual being known as Satan and we believe there is a spiritual fight over the nation of Australia being fought in the heavens.''

Sadly it's clear he's not a very good student either. If he'd watched Angels & Demons, and seen how the Illuminati had devised a fiendish mock cross to bisect Rome while cardinals were being carved up, he'd understand much better the evil that Walter Burley Griffin contrived to plant in Canberra.

You see Mount Ainslie is the northernmost part of a land axis that takes in the Australian War Memorial and the two Parliament Houses. It forms a kind of primal grid, with the American War Memorial hiding a laser which will decimate Australia on the day of the rapture, unless we import Arnold Schwarzenegger at once.

Note that it's been suggested The Eagles song Hotel California is about Satanism, involving a church taken over by an occult group which is why you can never leave. (here). Sure they say it's false, but is it? Everybody knows that once you get trapped in Belconnen, you can never leave.

And note the grid lines below, which glow an eerie green! This is just one of the many satanic force fields that drain the minds of public servants and politicians, and make Canberra ripe for drugs, self abuse and satanism. See how the shape forms a kind of Masonic grid! Like that funny symbol on American money.

If only I could do a Vincent Price voice. "Yeesss, pleaase, do go on."

Asked what evidence of Satan there was in Parliament, Mr Nalliah said: "The number of politicians who have serious marriage problems.''

Legislation supporting homosexuality, abortion and a push for a Bill of rights were other areas where Mr Nallian said the devil was having influence.

"Me trying to explain it to you is like trying to teach a cricketer how to play soccer,'' Mr Nalliah said.

At last the one convincing explanation for Wilson "Ironbar" Tuckey's recent behavior. He's been possessed by Satan. Actually come to think of it, is it possible the entire opposition has been possessed by Satan? It's been obvious for awhile now that in cohorts with Beezlebub, Chairman Rudd has bewitched, bothered and bewildered the opposition, and now they've realized they need to do a deal to strike back in an effective way.

Why I'd only be too happy to get a lock of hair from the Ruddster and mutter incantations while burning it over a barbeque.

But perhaps Pastor Danny will do the work instead:

He said 100 Christians from across Australia would be at Mount Ainslie this weekend.

"Our main reason for going to Mount Ainslie is to pull down the strongholds of the Devil to repent and pray against any evil done in our land including the adverse effects of witchcraft, homosexuality and, of course, the devastation of abortion, so that God will save our land.''

Well actually he's most likely going up Mount Ainslie first of all as a desperate publicity stunt, but who knows, god might well save the land as the result of his frantic intervention.

Because these days, it seems, we can't rely on Senator Steve Fielding:

Senator Fielding and Mr Nalliah occupied the first and second spots on Family First's Victorian Senate ticket in 2004.

But Senator Fielding, who was elected to the Senate with Labor preferences, said Mr Nalliah had been asked to leave the party in late 2004.

Oh no, there's been a parting of the ways, a casting out of the prodigal sinner, the one time brother.

"Family First has had no connection with Danny Nalliah since he was asked to leave the party five years ago after he made demeaning comments about a minority group,'' Senator Fielding said.

"He has no voice in Family First.''

Et tu Steve? Cast out rather than turn the other cheek? Send into exile in Egypt? Or even worse, Manuka?

Well it seems it's mutual.

Asked about Senator Fielding, Mr Nalliah said his former running mate did not have a long-term political career because of his failure to defend the nuclear family.

"He won't get re-elected because the Christian vote won't be there for him,'' he said.

"Steve has not been standing up for the Christian cause.''

Well it's likely Fielding won't get re-elected because the Labor party won't make the same mistake twice, but never mind, what's going to be really interesting in the next few days is how well the tabloids rise to take the fundamentalist bait. They're on a week long warning before we hit the two minute red zone, and hell breaks loose.

Is their appetite for satanism and witchcraft insatiable? Has Pastor Danny made a fatal mistake by not mentioning there will be fifty young Christians in bikinis ready to flirty fish to convert reporters to Christ if they turn up on the mountain?

Will Peter Costello turn up to help save Australia, and possibly the planet? Will Andrew Bolt - having once spruiked for funds for legal expenses for Pastor Danny - now turn up to maintain the rage against the evil secularists?

Or will it be a giant turkey? Further proof that the secularists have the country in an ironbar grip and won't let go?

Who knows, but if you want to find out how bizarre Christianity can get, and have never heard of Children of God, here's Flirty Fishing, and here's the wiki on the cult, with links to as much as you can stand until you decide you need a life, or get upset at the softcore porn, or the lives wasted by crazed bigots.

Personally I think Pastor Danny's still got a ways to go to match it with the best of America, but with the help of the lord, and Andrew Bolt and Peter Costello, here's hoping that he makes it ... then finally we can be madder than America, with the best loon pond in the world. It's only a dream at the moment, but what a dream ...

(Below: guaranteed to get the media's attention).