Wednesday, February 28, 2018

A public apology to the ABC ...

The pond is deeply, abjectly sorry.

It means no harm playing with the reptiles in the herpetarium. Sure, where the pond sees a certain weird, surreal beauty, others just see dirty, horrid creatures likely to bite off a finger.

Yes, they run riot at times. Yes, they have no care for facts, or balance, or fairness. The pond suspects they nurse a grievance and a persecution complex bred into them from the time the meteor took out their ancient relatives.

No, they don't like to correct things, or apologise, or do any of that un-reptile girlie stuff … they think leaving a little guano in the living room is just a way of marking out the territory.

It's hard to tell who's the naughtiest reptile. Some might argue for Polonius, some for the Caterist, but whatever, the pond feels caught out, as if imitating Michaelia Cash flapping her mouth like a fish without gills, and turned into a meme on the spot …

And so to the correction.

The pond has every suspicion that the Caterist will be too proud and too haughty to acknowledge an error, being inclined to the Humpty Dumpty … but the pond regurgitated his stuff without thinking, without chastising and without close marking …

Oh how mortifying ...

Oh you naughty, naughty Caterist… bad reptile.

Go to the corner, put on the cap, and no tax dollars for you this week … 

And while we're at it, the pond is aware that blogger is banned in China, and consequently the pond has very few Chinese visitors … the last lot of data showed more visitors from Brazil than from an invisible China.

But just in case, and to make sure the pond is truly, properly banned, a few words …

'Ten thousand years’ (万岁) 
'Xi Zedong’ (习泽东) 
‘Shameless’ (不要脸) 
‘Lifelong’ (终身) 
'Personality cult’ (个人崇拜) 
'Emigrate' (移民) 
‘Immortality’ (长生不老) 
Yuan Shikai, a Qing dynasty warlord
George Orwell, and for good luck, Orwellian
Animal Farm

And anything with "N" in it, as in …

… beware the Knights of Nih, who are nigh, dressed in outrageous neckties sure to nullify any impending nirvana…

For all this, the pond thanks the Graudian, furiously scribbling China bans letter N (briefly)

Now if we could only ban the cultists haranguing the Chinese-laden buses that pull up outside the Sydney fish markets, what a win-win for all ...

Finally, as a peace offering, a cartoon showing a teacher everyone would love to have … especially those naughty, naughty Caterists …bad reptile!

1 comment:

  1. With that kind of gross, and unapologised, error, maybe Goosebumps Cater could be the apprentice 'New Polonius' after all.


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