Thursday, February 15, 2018

In which the pond provides rolled gold coverage of the reptiles attending Barners' bush bash ...


Day whatever of the Barners' bush bash - it started so long ago - and the pond is reeling, and the reptiles are slowing ... but the Terror is still maintaining the rage ...


The Terrorists also borrowed the Bolter from the HUN, and wheeled him out so that he might bung on a fine amount of frothing, foaming indignation ...


The past few days have also been busy ones for the lizards of Oz, as they tried to keep the bush bash on the road ... 

All sorts of angles were trotted out and for a moment the pond became an avid collector of digital headlines ...

There was the Overington ploy ... time was on her side ...


There was the son slammer ...


There was an attempt to take a break from the horror, with the former chairman and gay weddings called on to do sterling duty. Tattered and battered though they are, they're timeless in reptile iconography ... and Barners all too briefly dropped down the page ...



But best of all came Junie and a rolled gold guarantee...


What a stroke of genius, to dig up Junie and talk about puritanism - ah Jim, so sad at the Prahan market - as if that's got anything much to do with it - and then that talk of a rolled gold guarantee was guaranteed to send the pond into a frenzy ...


Yes, a rolled gold guarantee is about the cheapest, most vulgar sort of guarantee you can get where gold is involved, a form of cladding used to produce inexpensive forms of jewellery. Worse, they can easily tarnish if not cared for properly ...

And so at last to today's top of the charts digital line-up at the lizard Oz ...


His colleagues agreed to let the dust settle? 

Not while the savvy Savva is in town. Let the dust begin to fly ... and please, oh please, let's start off with that lecherous leer that the whole of Australia has learned to love ...


Ouch. 

Well the savvy Savva announced on Insiders last Sunday that the age of Barners was over, and what do you know, it's still over ...


The beetrooter? Did the pond just see that right? The savvy Savva used "beetrooter"? It's everywhere, it bids fair to become the word of the year. It has its own hashtag here, and it's ubiquitous ...


And sporting a flag that was a symbol of defiance and proud independence, until the night the Malware government drove old Eureka down ...

But never mind taking a Ballarat rebel stand, it's back to the savvy Savva for a last gobbet of doom ... and a bit of redemptive hubris, as Savva broods about the unfairness of it all ...


With the greatest respect to the savvy Savva, it's not supposed to be about her - it's the Barners' bush bash - and  that last line could have done with a bit more borrowing, either from Macbeth or The Winter's Tale

 

Ah speaking of sprites and goblins, a little further down the page came the good old bouffant one offering Barners a last chance dance at the last chance saloon ...




The pond knows just the place for Barners and his last chance dance ...


Oh yes, some of that sweet nectar straight to the gullet ...

Well this is surely the last time the pond will have to spend such an extended amount of time in Barners' company, so fiddler give the bouffant one a tune, or let him use a squawk box if he likes ... just make sure to mix the golden goose metaphors of the last dance skin of the teeth chance well ...



It would be remiss of the pond not to include the bouffant one's thumbnail CV, a delight at the bottom of all the reptile offerings these days ...


And so ends the pond's rolled gold coverage of the reptile coverage of the great Barners' bush bash ...

And what do you know, all that was needed to make the pond's day complete was for Rowe to deliver a joke about that rolled gold guarantee, with more Rowe here ...


Watch out for that grid ... it'll get you every time ...


11 comments:

  1. Tamworth meme Wag...
    twitter.com/GeorgeBender68/status/963544033715896320
    Helen Bender
    @GeorgeBender68
    Feb 14

    What do you get when you cross a #RedOctopus with a #Beetrooter? A #RedRooter! Tamworth Red Rooster Removes The ‘S’ From Their Sign In Solidarity With @Barnaby_Joyce


    See pic.. and pic of a real beetroot is a bute!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Apologies to PM (Sir Paul, that is).
    Further apologies for any disturbing visuals that may ensue.
    For maximum effect should be sung with a broad Tamworthian accent.



    Barnaby


    Barnaby - he’s been doing who he shouldn’t be
    Now it’s out for all the world to see
    Oh what a sleaze is Barnaby

    Beetrooting - that’s what he’s been up to recently
    But in his act of infidelity
    Did Barnaby come suddenly?

    He’s been banging on, fat-arsed and hairy-kneed
    Red-faced and goggle-eyed, what a sight is Barnaby-whee-ee-ee!

    Carnally - this old member’s been out on a spree
    But shagging staffers just not on you see
    Did you leave your hat on Barnaby?

    He’s been bonking on, his pants below his knees
    Like a randy Tamworth bull, what a stud is Barnaby-whee-ee-ee!

    Barnaby – he’s lost all his credibility
    He’s not fit to be our Deputy
    It’s time to fuck off Barnaby

    (Blowfly outro)
    mm mm mm mm … mm … mm … mm


    ReplyDelete
  3. The thing is, the real model for Carners Barners isn't Tony Burke, it's Bill Shorten. He got Chloe Bryce pregnant before she became Mrs Shorten and he broke up his family with Deborah Beale to do it.

    So what's so different about Barners compared with Shorten ? Is it just that Shorten was a nobody when he indulged ?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Is it just that Shorten was a nobody when he indulged ?

      No.

      It's not even the affair, despite how hard the reptiles and Malware are trying to make it so. It is all the peripheral stuff - the dodgy job changes, the trysts on the taxpayer dime, the optics of his varied dealings with his "friend", his wavering moral compass when it comes to other people (teh gays! Shanghai Sam!), his long pattern of questionable actions. And the government's hair-splitting quibbles to try to protect the beetrooter on technicality when on perception alone he's toast just make it worse.

      The affair is little in itself, but it has thrown a light on the sort of hypocrisy, corruption, influence peddling, and rorting that seem to be okay.

      And if any of the rumours are true you can add insider trading, kickbacks and abuse of power as well. I don't think the full story will ever come out, but lets just say there are a few people who should be very happy that we don't (yet) have a federal-level ICAC.

      It's a million miles away from Shorten banging Chloe Bryce.

      Delete
    2. I think all that just amply supports my proposition that Shorten was a nobody (and still is in so many ways) in comparison to Barners.

      But I am relieved that, after some initial waffling on about "consenting adults" Trumble has recognised that there are no adults in politics - at least on his side pf the aisle - and banned sex between pollies and their staff. Though I can't quite work out if he meant to include male pollies with male staff and female pollies with male staff - he's so very confusing about stuff like that.

      Delete
  4. I saw a great photo of Barnaby leaving Parliament House after today's question time. Enjoy!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Very funny FD! Coal-driven of course...

      Delete
    2. Something about 'of the west' (de l'ouest), FD ?

      Delete
    3. It says "Chemins de fer de l'ouest" (trains for the west). It's the Gare de Montparnasse station in southwestern Paris, which serves Brittany and the Atlantic Coast.

      Montparnasse is rather hilly and the station is on a slope, so the platforms are on the upper level of the station (like at Central in Sydney). When the train overshot the buffers it launched through the main concourse, and out through the station facade into the street. There were few injuries, although one woman was killed in the street by falling masonry.

      Strange factoid - the train was coming from Granville, a connection with rather different, and more ghastly, connections in Australia.

      Delete
    4. Merci beaucoup, monsieur. I had seen that photo somewhere before, but coudn't remember its provenance (most likely one of those Great Railway This's 'n' That's tv shows).

      Delete

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