Why not start with a papal blessing? The Pope is always on hand for dispensations here ...
And so to signs of miracles and marvels, of portents, harbingers, auguries, presaging omens, prognostications and prophecies ...
The pond has already noted the way the lizards of Oz, confronted by an ABC scoop, immediately turned to the onion muncher, glowering like an ancient mariner in the reptile splash ...
This immediately spread around the full-to-overflowing echo chamber, as the vengeful one demanded punishment of the wicked ...
Someone must pay, there will be blood, let their bones whiten in the sun, etc etc, yadda yadda ...
But how did this come to pass? The story started off straight enough ... with atmospheric black blobs deployed ...
Now the pond will tiptoe past that link to Malware's threat to lock up whistleblowers and leakers and suchlike riff raff for long stretches in the clink - all hail our fearless democratic leader - so that we can marvel at the reptile pivot.
You see, straight after outlining the situation of the files, Rosie Lewis immediately turned to the onion muncher for a comment ... thereby justifying his noble visage turning up in the splash for her story, with the onion muncher's imprecation, "let there be blood", in bold print ...
Someone must pay, there will be blood, let their bones whiten in the sun ... yadda yadda ...
But why feature the onion muncher so prominently, blathering away in his usual way on 2GB?
Well there's reptile laziness, and there's Malware's mob ducking and running for cover, but the pond also thinks it's because the reptiles can't let the onion muncher go ...
How they love him, how they rely on him in these troubled times. There was a double dose of him in the lizard Oz today, and the pond felt a surge of hope that the onion muncher might retain his place at the top of the pond's banner ... as he kicked the crusader can a little further down the road ...
Even better, the onion muncher was given the Lobbecke treatment, with an evocative, atmospheric, cartoon of the symbolic kind, which always sends the pond's enthusiastic Lobbecke fan base into a lather of excitement ...
Well indeed, there's always a wolf at the door of the barbie, but the way that the government secures government files gives the pond every confidence in its abilities ... not to mention the wonders of the NBN, no small achievement of the onion muncher's government ...
And now, anxious that there hasn't yet been enough humour, please allow the pond to run a couple of cartoons it couldn't fit in earlier ...
Ah, that's better, because you see there's a truly solemn and sad bit coming up ...
It comes at the start of the fourth par in the next gobbet, with "Almost on taking office, the Abbott government ..."
So sad, the forlorn emperor, stripped of crown and duties, brooding about the glorious days of triumph, talking in the third person about himself and his government, so grandiloquent, such a pompous, bombastic, ostentatious, orotund, fustian, florid flowery flourish, and yet at the same time, so modest and humble in former Chairman Rudd kind of way ...
The pond felt ineffably gloomy that this wonderful emperor could now only look back to his past glories, and wondered if a few more cartoons might lighten the suffering ...
Ah that's better, but see how the noble crusader must trip back in time, and revive fond memories ...
"As I said back then", he yammers, quoting himself, because what else is left than to look at the fluff in the belly button?
Sad, this exquisite tristesse ... bonjour tristesse, those were the days my friend, we thought they'd never end ...
Oh if only the caped crusader was still at the helm, how much safer the pond would feel, how the jihadists would tremble in their boots ... because there's nothing better than rabbiting on about the dire Islamic threat to make sure all will be quiet on the home front ...
And now the pond realises it completely forgot to finish off the rest of that reptile story about the ABC cabinet files.
The pond meant no harm, and for completists here it is ... though it has to be said that it fails the pond test dismally, because there's not another mention of the onion muncher, when surely he should have been invited to have a last word ...
Never mind, as a way of redeeming the situation, David Rowe featured the onion muncher in his cabinet cartoon, and remember that the immortal Rowe still has the onion muncher at the top of his Twitter feed here ...
Moral to these stories? There's life in the onion munching crusader yet ... and knighthoods might yet return to remind the jihadists of what they're missing out on ... and never you mind how the onion muncher and the jihadists were at one on the matter of gay marriage ...
'Returning jihadists pose continuing threat to Australia" - but not to its obesity crisis, judging from that Lobbecke cartoon.
ReplyDelete2018 Onion Muncher "Obviously some absolutely elementary mistake has been made"
ReplyDelete2015 Onion Muncher "Right, i'm knighting Prince Phillip"
Honestly, why would you ever NOT consult him?
Also, it won't escape the Major's notice that the opening line by the reptile here, "ASIO officers have raided ABC offices...." is factually incorrect. The pre-advised delivery of further security for the cabinets was discussed between ASIO and the ABC management.
ReplyDeleteIt was as far from a "raid" as possible. This point was emphasised through the day's media cycle by ASIO and the ABC.
Notwithstanding that, a wonderful opening in a surprising venue - electrically incorrect news disparaging the ABC in The Australian. Well I never did!