As the pond shed a few last tears and hung its hankie out on the back line to dry, the question that kept repeating over and over like beans in a bad Mel Brooks' movie was "why?"
"Why, oh why, oh why, how could it be? How could it come to this?"
Naturally the seeking pond turned to the brightest minds of the lizard people in search of answers, and sure enough nattering "Ned" was on hand to help ...
Well that seems fair, blaming the man who managed to wreck the NBN without even trying … and proclaiming, in apocalyptic preacher voice, that it's not over until it's all over ...
But the moment the pond took a closer look, the pond knew something was deeply wrong, badly awry.
Nattering "Ned" was clearly in a state of deep shock. The talkative one had been reduced to just a few words; the CV at the bottom was almost as long as the piece.
A noble mind had clearly been o'erthrown … there was just time for a few public words, and then it would be on with the private grieving, the wailing, the ashes, the sackcloth … but perhaps there might still be some explanation, some reason for the tragedy …
Agrarian socialism defeated by progressive ideology?
The rising tide of progressive ideology was what brung old Barners down, as the bells were ringing?
No wonder "Ned" kept it short. Even the pond could recognise that progressive ideology had its limits, and controlling Barners was one of them …
But at least the Pope could help with the re-location expenses, with more generous Pope to be found here ...
But at least the Pope could help with the re-location expenses, with more generous Pope to be found here ...
Bitterly disappointed with Ned - so useless and so short too! - the pond turned to another expert, the man who had done so much for Iraq and ute-gate, while also making a career out of bothering dogs …
And the dog botherer was more than up to the task that nattering "Ned" had so dismally failed.
Here the pond must do a "spoiler alert" …
Instead of just waffling on in a vague way about "progressive ideology", the dog botherer cuts to the chase and explains just what brought Barners down …
Climate science!
Yes, Barners is a victim, but not like the poley bears or the penguins … he's a victim because it's all a charade, a hoax and a fraud …
Better still, the dog botherer took on "Ned's"old style guide, and so "Ned's" mantle of pedantic importance. He was prolix, which is to say, overlong, protracted, interminable, laborious, ponderous, digressive, meandering, and periphrastic …
Oh the splash was deceptive enough, promising a quick tumble in the hay, but the dog botherer was all that nattering "Ned" should have been, and the reptiles recognised it, and blessed the dog botherer with the Lobbecke of the day … a sure sign to cultists that the dog botherer was the chosen one ...
What a classic opener.
"It has all the hallmarks of the last days of Rome"!!
Now the last days of Rome straggled on for a long time, but perhaps the dog botherer is invoking the first sack of Rome in 410, Greg Hunters here, though perhaps the dog botherer was making a comic point about Barners, chooks, and the emperor who worried about the favourite chicken he'd named "Rome" …
A very large cock, Rome by name …
It's true that resonates, though there was another sack in 455, Greg Hunters here, and perhaps the dog botherer might be referring to the very last days, when Rome had become a rump …
There it is. Retiring to the backbench on a still generous salary with benefits is roughly equivalent to being cut in half, and arranging a general slaughter at a banquet …
Oh wise, astute dog botherer, and historical metaphor-maker … but still we haven't reached the main game, involving that villainous climate science …
Slowly, slowly … first those damned progressives must be held accountable for their wet ways ...
The onion muncher's policy activism! Because none of its personal, or bitter, or sour grapes, but instead is designed for better polices …
You don't have to agree with a fuckwitted sledgehammer, but you should surely discuss the merits of a sledgehammer approach. Think "cocks of Rome" …
He's happy to serve on the backbench? Bile and backbiting, and wrecking and sledging and undermining …
Oh it's richly comic, and surely the next dog botherer gobbet will be enhanced if it includes a portrait of the "sledger in chief" attempting to convey fey whimsy ...
There … amongst the shearing of the rams, did anyone notice it?
Oh well, better than being fly-blown … but back to the dog botherer.
It was that subtle mention of "climate policy" that flagged the root cause of it all … and soon enough Malware will be talking up his Paris targets … as if he was incapable of spotting a Chinese hoax ...
And there you go … it's all the fault of climate science, those wretched South Australians, and it goes without saying, a refusal to embrace dinkum clean Oz coal, oi, oi, oi …
No wonder Rome fell … and so the dog botherer wanders off in that famous circumlocutory meandering style borrowed from nattering "Ned" into talk of 2016 … blathering about climate activism, and promising to do for the planet what he helped Lord Downer do for Iraq way back when ...
They're not the only ones brooding …
The dog botherer is brooding too, carrying on about climate gestures and climate activism and all the rest of his routinely inane climate science denialism, perhaps as some kind of Freudian compensation for what actually just went down …
Meanwhile, in the real world, the inane activities of the agrarian socialist finally resulted in a back bench dividend, happily celebrated by Rowe not with just the shearing of the rams, but with a wandering in the back paddock wilderness, with more celebratory Rowe here …
Strewth, DP, that was one long, slow, anaesthetising rant from the Doggy Botherer - the kind we'd once have called 'verbal diarrhoea'. Are they trying to train him to replace old Neddy perhaps ? And if so does that mean Kelly is passant ?
ReplyDeleteBut what happened to Doggy's CV ? Doesn't he rate one yet, or did they just run out of space ?