The pond on a bad hair day, when confronted by reptile ideas in Xiamen … or by prattling Polonius on a meditative Sunday …
To set the scene, the reptiles have been seriously alarmed in the past few weeks. They've always been proud of their status as the Catholic Boys' Daily, but what if the Catholics were up for turning?
What if the Catholics could be bought? As if no-one at the CBD had heard of indulgences …or Martin Luther or any of that medieval stuff …
But what if they decided to act on their ancient impulses? What if they took a walk on the wild side?
Naturally, as the expert cultivator of anonymous sponsors for the Sydney Institute, Polonius was on hand to explain how being open to a bribe was good politics …
Well of course there had to be a history lesson, and naturally it had to feature Ming the merciless flinging around a heck of a lot more than thirty pieces of silver. Even allowing for inflation, thirty pieces of silver would get nowhere near the funding offered to the Ponzi scheme known as the Catholic school system … get into their minds young, and you can keep torturing them for life.
Of course some might point out the bleeding obvious, as did the Tingle in her last mingle with the AFR mob before heading off to the ABC …
Indeed, indeed, it's one of those deeper mysteries, up there with transubstantiation, but prattling Polonius is standing by with one of his expert history lessons … explaining how these days the Catholics can be bought for quite reasonable and modest sum ...
Yes, Simon, forget the thirty pieces of silver, perhaps you could up the bid to say $500 million … because when you're tax exempt you can never get enough of that manna flowing from both sides …
And now for specialists, the pond presents a brief history of the reptiles' alarums in the last week over the Catholic matter … starting with the bouffant one …
It was a brief bout of hand-wringing ...
Oh no, not the Judas joke ...
And then it was on …as the panic ran wild amongst the reptiles …with the other Simon called on to explain just why tax-exempt status wasn't enough, and why the Catholics needed a lot more loot ...
Oh there was data in abundance to support the begging bowl, and the cry of alms for the poor ...
Yes, there was much shedding of tears and lamentations at the cruelty, and the other Simon foolishly decided he'd test the limits of the Catholic Boys' Daily by talking of provocateurs and agitators of the Judas kind ...
Around $961 million! That's more like it, that's a decent splash of silver, provided you add another $500 million …
It wasn't long before the reptiles could triumphantly report a strategic retreat …
But was it good enough? It seemed Simon still needed the wise counsel of Polonius.
Just splash the cash, put the silver in the pocket, apply the holy water, and all might still be forgiven … remember the letter, and the statistics provided by the Catholic church, a body that could never ever be accused of self-interest … because theological indoctrination doesn't come cheap these days ...
Heed how the reptiles heed the suffering Catholics. See how they allow a tax-free organisation to lobby for cash in the paw, while, as a Tingle might say, the hypocrites moan about a trip to the Barrier Reef ...
And now a message from the Labor party explaining why there's no home there for the pond, or secularists or atheists or those interested in a system which doesn't have special funding for chaplains running through it ...
Never mind, it could be worse, and for those who made it through all the carry-on and the deep desire to keep the Ponzi scheme operating, a few cartoons from another world …
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