In which the pond stays loyal to the Major ...

The pond woke up in the middle of the night, wondering what it would be like to be a fucking moron working for a fucking moron. 

Well you'd have to be a fucking moron to keep working for a fucking moron, but then the pond consoled itself with a reminder that in the morning there would be the Major Mitchell talking about the meejia and all would be well in the world ...

And the Major's morning splash immediately identified one of the prime virtues of the Murdochians ... a sublime appreciation and celebration of mainstream values, such as the virtues of SSM ...

Yes, for the first time the reptiles have given up snarky, snide references to the SSM voluntary survey in both the tree killer edition and the digital edition. Hit the 'find' button for marriage this day and the result for the pond was a blank, which is even more of a zero than the reptile mind ...

A week ago the reptiles could sneak in a front page reference on the tree killer edition to a persecuted Labor MP being asked to pretend to back 'yes' ... this week, nada, zilch, nothing ...

It's a sign that the reptiles have packed their tents and are stealing into the night, getting ready to do a SSM makeover ...

Now there have been other tests of the pond's faithfulness and loyalty to the Major this day ...Adam Creighton, away from his day job of acting as reptile cockroach of The Drum, has joined the chorus of reptiles on the NBN ...

And taxpayers interested in what a Minister of the Crown might have to say about his glorious attempts to fuck up the ABC in a way that's even more fucked up than the current futtocking fuck-uppery, has to pay a stipend to Chairman Rupert to discover his thinking ...

Naturally the reptiles are delighted to rub this in by adding an EXCLUSIVE - but you can only get access to that by paying a handsome stipend to the chairman ...

So if you want to discover a Minister of the Crown's thoughts, you have to pay up or get lost. 

Mitch the Murdochian tool, at time of writing had last tweeted on October 5th, while his last media release on his Hon Mitch is the Man for Murdoch site was dated 6th October, and his last article update was for a piece written for the reptiles ... on 5th January 2012. His last opinion piece had turned up in the lizard Oz on 29th December 2014.

Oh he's a regular livewire, this Minister for Murdochian matters and keeping the business model of access to government thinking in Murdochian hands ...

So it's no wonder that the pond stayed loyal to the man with his fingers on mainstream values ...

The pond can already hear the wags celebrating "mainstream values", Currish Snail style ...

And it's true ... red-blooded Order of Lenin hunting is at the heart of mainstream values ... almost as much as deploring the threat to religious freedom, mocking Malware and celebrating the brave assorted campaigns of the onion muncher ...

And then the pond's midnight dreaming came back to it with some force ...

You see, while wondering about fucking morons, the pond wondered whether its assiduous reading of fucking morons might have turned the pond into a fucking moron. Or was it a necessary precondition of reading a fucking moron like the Major that the pond had to have been a fucking Tamworth moron from birth?

For starters, the Major scribbles furiously about the contemptuous in mainstream media, yet the keynote in any Major piece is profound contempt for those who think differently to him ...

For seconds, how could the Major confuse mainstream media activities with the thoughts of Bob Hawke? Isn't it the duty of the meejia to report the thoughts of the silly old bugger? And if a few enjoy his buggery, where's the harm in that?

And how did Mike Carlton tweeting come to represent mainstream meejia?

And might it not be a tad premature to start talking about the success of the voluntary, extremely expensive postal survey?

And what's with celebrating the Bolter? Is he supposed to represent mainstream community values? 

How to explain then his relentless sniping at the vastly expensive voluntary survey which he routinely celebrated as the chance to end Malware and the over-reaching poodle?

Media Watch here ...

The pond isn't going to regurgitate all the reheated offal the reptiles have offered on this topic, in a bid to sound like a bunch of off-colour bigoted homophobes, but it's a bit of a cheek to suddenly start crowing at the good news about the actual plebiscite... when it isn't actually a fucking plebiscite, you fucking moron, it's a vastly expensive fucking voluntary postal survey ...

It was around this point that the pond realised that listening to Rex had resulted in it jumping the shark and nuking the fucking fridge ... so it was time to finish the Major and slink away ...

It takes some fair fucking cheek to moan and whine about the way that ABC commentators and a vile Islamic have dared to make grotesque political points ... and then to proceed to make a set of grotesque political points yourself ...

But that's the Major for you. Not a hint of self-awareness or reflexive irony or modest reflection, just an infinite capacity to stick his head up his bum and do his usual routines berating anyone who thinks differently from himself ... which isn't that hard, given the theological and ideological rigidity with which he views the world, as he conducts assorted witch hunts, not all of them involving Order of Lenin medals ...

And so it comes to pass that at the very end, having allegedly celebrated the voluntary postal survey and its possible result, he comes out with the notion that opponents of SSM are simply simple dear sweet reptile reader folk, who hold their religious faith and family values dear ...

Actually they're inclined to homophobic bigotry, and their Xian values in this area are pretty much the same as the fundamentalist Daesh that the Major then goes on to deplore ...

Yes, you'd have to be a fucking moron  to talk about western tolerance while celebrating western intolerance based on fundamentalist religious thinking as weird and as camel-herding warped as a bunch of Islamic fundamentalist goat herders and horse riders ...

But that's the Major for you ... he really can't let his good friend go, despite that ugly spat they had ...

And that doesn't much look like two lovers of the mainstream, that looks like two dropkick losers glaring at each other, one out of power because everyone, even his colleagues, recognised he was a knightly doofus and daily blunderer, and the other, a used Murdochian tool, reduced to nonsensical scribbling on a Monday ...

And now to wrap up proceedings, the pond would usually attempt a segue to justify running a Rowe that has nothing to do with the above, but why bother? 

This is just a really funny cartoon, which pushes all the pond's buttons, including roadkill and crows and the great aunts under the wisteria on the verandah in Adelaide... and there's more button-pushing Rowe here ...