Thursday, March 08, 2018

In which the pond can't resist an after five bromancer apéritif (make sure there's a strong chaser) ...

Oh dear, what alarmist buddy-duddy nonsense.

At end of day, if the world is getting you down and you feel like winning, why not drop a tab of pure, distilled essence of bromancer?

Has he got the good news ...

Winning, so much winning, the pond can't get enough of the winning …and might even yet go into apples ...

...and just look at the opening line of the 'still infatuated with the Donald' bromancer as he gets proceedings underway ...

Yes, the bromancer has got his eye on the main game and is confident in his balance, and his ability with heights ...

Now there's no point in the pond arguing with the bromancer. 

The pond delights in the bromancer the very same way that the bromancer delights in the Donald …

But a few of the lizard Oz readers had some concerns ...

No worries Mick, the way out of a depression is spending on military hardware, which explains why the pond shares a Victorian mindset with the bromancer ...

And of course once we've built the hardware, why not bung on a bloody big do, so the world can profitably build a new bunch of hardware (though in the case of nukes and a decent winter that might be a tad tricky).

Now please, let the bromancer get on with the vision thingie and the epic building …

Around this point, the pond must sadly report some dissension in the ranks …

The lizard Oz troops were restless:

The pond admits to knowing very little about boats, and naval matters and caring even less, believing that it's best left to the likes of Mike Carlton to carry on regardless … but quite a few seemed to think that the bromancer had turned into the Poodle's lap dog …

The pond's eyes began to glaze and droop, but the pond learned from cartoons early in life that a few matchsticks could prop them open, which is just as well because correspondent Peter went on a real rant ...

Oh surely not Peter, surely we've had a few greater industrial disasters? But please, do carry on, it means that the pond has nothing to do except watch the bromancer get a good paddy whacking ...

Oh dear, he does seem troubled but in the usual way, the pond will give the last word to the bromancer, a brilliant reptile, frequently dazzled by his own insights … so much hugely, bigly winning ...

Build a high-value national industry?

Uh huh, is that like building a high value communications network of the NBN kind?

Oh dear ...

Never mind, with a bit of luck Moorice's ice age will come along by Xmas, and none of it will much matter...


  1. Struth - I thought that Catholicism still considered masturbation to be a sin?

    It certainly must have sent the Bromancer blind, if he thinks that Chrissy Pyne is any sort of Ministerial success.

    1. Hi Anon,

      You can rest assured that Sheridan’s collection of well thumbed issues of ‘Jane’s Fighting ships’ is more than just a reference for the bromancer.


  2. This peddler is full of shit.But is the prefered guest on Jon Faine morning show.

  3. "...but quite a few seemed to think that the bromancer had turned into the Poodle's lap dog "

    Oh no, not another one already. Has the Donald really disappointed that much ?

    But tell me, are these jokers - Bromancer and his critics, Pyne et al - actually expecting Australia to be conducting some kind of conventional 'Coral Sea' warfare against submarines ? Whose submarines ? Where ? How many will there be ? What will the submarines be doing ? They're not exactly the best kind of transport for an invading army.

    I really don't get any of it. FD ? Anyone ? Enlightenment please.

    1. Well...contrary to the implication of the shoutout, I've no expert, and the 2016 White Paper leaves a gaping hole between the Strategic Overview and the Capability, so I suspect even they don't have a clear idea of the "why". So this is not what I think, but what I think they think.

      Obviously, amongst the several (sometimes mutually exclusive) roles the ADF is expected to perform, deterrence and defence of our northern approaches is number one. Clearly there is only one even vaguely credible threat from there that we can oppose, and that remains, as ever, Indonesia.

      They currently have 5 submarines (Type 209 derivatives) in or approaching commission, but there are a couple of considerations. Indonesia's Minimum Essential Force (MEF) plan in place at the time the 2016 White Paper was written called for a submarine fleet of 12 boats, with the extra boats being probably Type 214 or Scorpene (though the flirted with buying some ex-Russian boats). All of these are small (less than 1/2 the size of the Collins) attack submarines.

      In essence, I think otherwise unexplained 12 ASW frigates was to counteract those. Late last year the MEF target was revised downwards to 8. Now perhaps Indonesia just asked some hard questions and decided 12 was overkill. But perhaps Australia's decision to procure these ASW frigates forced a rethink, along the lines of "it would take x more boats to counter this developement, which we cant afford, so we'll yield the field there and base our plan on what our next most capable potential enemy has". This sort of "move-response-back away" is a very old game in even the most sluggish arms races.

      I would not be surprised if in, say, five years or so (ie, after Indonesia has signed the contracts for the remaining boats), the Navy decided that they don't really need the last few ships in this class.

      As to pretty much everything the Bromancer said in his article, from para 4 to para the last, is utter balls, and laughably so. His description of a towed sonar array is word-salad (and defies the laws of physics). Even by his execrably low standards of ignorance, he clearly has not got the tiniest fucking clue about this stuff.

    2. Expert or not, FD, your grasp of this is way better than mine.

      Ok, so what then: the ADF folks reckon Indonesia just might use its submarines to interdict Australia's northern 'passage' ? To what end ? We can always sail around Indonesia and a handful of subs hardly comprises an invasion fleet. Is this just another instance of fighting the last war over again - frigates and subs and sonar but with a helicopter or two this time - because nobody can understand what the world is really like now ?

      I can't understand, if we want to achieve 'defence', why we aren't concentrating on missiles and drones. Even China couldn't make any real trouble if we can just shoot down its planes and sink its ships.

      "...everything the Bromancer said ... is utter balls"

      Yeah, I kinda got that impression; hiding his ignorance under a big swag of irrelevant 'details'. But then, that's always the way with the Bromancer, isn't it.


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