Friday, February 16, 2018

In which Barners keeps ruining everything for the reptiles, and so the pond ...



Oh Barners, Barners ... once the pride of Tamworth, the first to see the street light in the southern hemisphere, a most unique city* (*usage licensed from News 24) ... look what you've made Malware do ...

The reptiles are completely distracted, and so, perforce is the pond ... where's the talk of the great Chinese climate hoax, how can the bromancer's love of the Donald flourish in this shade?

What could the pond do?

Who's up first? What's on second?

Oh no, not nattering "Ned".

He'll ramble on for hours, he'll go up hill and down dale, and poke and peer into every nook and cranny.

By the time he's finished, there'll be no room for the pond to reference Katharine Murphy's Turnbull's sex ban has thrown petrol on a political bonfire ...

But the reptiles must scribble, and the pond must do what the pond must do ...

Sheesh, this is "Ned" in full apocalypse mode. It's a complete disaster.

When "Ned" gets into this sort of end times thundering, he can go on for a week ... see...

Say what? It's a complete disaster, it's a national tragedy. "Ned" lost for words.

"Ned" suddenly brief, as if brevity and pith was a form of wit?

He simply couldn't go on?

So it seems, but perhaps anyone who could scribble "cast from the mould of Shakespearian tragedy" should shuffle off into the wings ...

The pond thinks it more a matter of whether Sir Toby or Falstaff were better role models for the Tamworth lad born in the very same hospital as the pond ...

Never mind, it's a considerable feat to reduce "Ned" to brevity, and that leaves room for another reptile. Who should it be?

Uh huh. It's the pond's experience that the more anyone attempts to ban sex, the more likely it is that sex will become an obscure object of desire ... like that bar of chocolate in the fridge singing a siren song to the pond. Oh how it calls, oh how the pond yearns ...

Please, remind the pond of the need for a puritan approach, oh bouffant one ...

Say what? Yes, there it was on SBS and in other places, Calls to ban politicians from sex with staffers dismissed by both major parties ...

Prime Minister Malcolm Turnbull said politicians had to be accountable to their actions but had a right to conduct "consensual, respectful" relationships. "It's not something that normally you would be justified in ... seeking to regulate," Mr Turnbull told reporters as he arrived for meetings with state premiers in Canberra on Friday morning.

What a goose Barners is, but even more, what an absolute goose Malware is ... a flip-flopper of the first water.

If nothing else, that's a good reason to link to NBN's astounding results fail ...

What's remarkable about that piece? Well there's this ...

Customers will not use the NBN if their going to get a substandard broadband connection at an unjustifiably high price.

But along with the illiteracy, there's this ...

To highlight why the NBN is already a failure, it is reasonable to look forward to 2020 to see what other nations will enjoy over their broadband. The Tokyo Olympics aims to stream the telecast using 8K television. The standards indicate that reasonable quality 8K can be achieved using between 200- 300 Mbps per channel. The NBN is not just about entertainment, but if you consider that business, health, education and other applications keep pace with the incremental jumps in data required for entertainment, then it becomes clear that Australia is fast becoming a third world broadband nation. NBN Co’s half year results are important, not for the headlines, not for the hype and spin, but for what has been left out, and the lack of answers to key questions. The results highlight why the NBN is a lemon. The figures provided by NBN Co don’t tell the whole story and the glowing predictions of a successful outcome that everyone will be satisfied with are looking more astounding every day.

See what you've done Barners? Everyone's got sex on the brain, but what's the chance of 8K porn in the home, no thanks to you?

Just go Barners, for the love of reptiles, for peace in the herpetarium, for no more talk of sex, for the pond to relish Malware's many, many failures, please just take a long, long break ...

And so to the relevant Pope of the day, of the holiday vacation kind, with more always relevant Pope here ...


  1. Oh DP - how can you not love The Barn-fire of the Vanities.

    What strikes me in all this is the inability of politicians to read how things will play out with the public. After all, hypocrisy, nepotism, graft & corruption are all par for the course. When the facts are so self evident, the expedient course of action is to cop a plea - "guilty as charged guvner, I throw myself on the mercy of the court". The other pollies are under the same blanket of guilt & don't want go too hard. The good voters of New England are already gathered around the pork barrel & are willing to ignore some sin to maintain the boondoggles.

    The way Truffles & Beetrooter are playing this it just looks like they are trying to prolong the misery as long as possible. A bit like medieval execution.

    1. What I can never quite get, Bef, is whether they think a) that if they keep it going long enough people will get bored and forgetful and it will all just fade away or b) if they keep it going long enough, people will see that they've been blamelessly right from the very beginning or c) both of the above.

      For instance, I think that Bronwyn and The Chopper was a bit of a) with a lot of b). As for Carners Barners, well who could know ?

    2. There is certainly a well-entrenched sense of entitlement with real anger that they have been caught out. I would think that most on the conservative side have a convenient double standard where rules are strictly enforceable for the unworthy, like Centrelink recipients for instance, but are optional for the meritocracy.

      Going back to my point above, the anger just highlights the double standard. Even if a practice is widespread you cannot discount the ethical issues - people will expect you to answer for your own behaviour.

  2. I got a haircut this afternoon and the bloke in the next chair was raving on about the greatness of his kids, and the hairdresser was saying "oh yes" once in a while. Suddenly that topic ran dry, and he said "Let's talk about Barnaby", and she said "Do we have to?"
    I think he was a bit shocked, but he carried on anyway. She went back to saying "Oh yes".
    I think hairdressers may be underrated as social analysts. At another salon I went out the back to change my shirt, and on the wall was a long list: "Brian - likes to talk about 4WDs , Ian - supports Broncos, Ted -fishing and cricket...." I never opened my mouth in that place again.

  3. While the Beetrooter train wreck has been playing out, Pope has been in marvellous form - a real purple patch. His image of Barners as a giant CAAARP! was just precious.


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