In which the pond starts with prattling Polonius in the way but then goes off the rails with a gemmelling, an oscillating fan, the Mormons, cartoons and the whole crazy thing ...

 

Ever since the Pellists disappeared, and the angry Sydney Anglicans went off the boil - so hard to find a complimentary woman in these troubled times - the pond has started off its Sunday meditation with prattling Polonius ...

Now the pond has no trouble with this - it doesn't miss the Pellists or the angry Sydney Anglicans - but occasionally the pond yearns for other fodder ...

The pond has lately taken to reading The Bulwark, because it's home to reformed, recovering Republicans who know where the bodies are buried, and the methods used to produce the bodies ...

Thus there was a splendid piece on the war on Disney ... The Right's Cancel Culture Comes for Disney, by Charlie Sykes, which included this ...

Dorothy Parker! The real Dorothy Parker!! The pond's immortal inspiration!

And "What fresh hell is this?", the very thing the pond thinks every day it wakes up to inspect the reptiles ...

Then there was this about the mango Mussolini's treason ...

Is it any wonder that the pond occasionally gets restless with the small beer that ponderous prattling Polonius offers for a Sunday meditation. 

Forget a splash of holy water and a sip of consecrated wine, sometimes the pond needs a wafer full of meaty human goodness, and a decent serve of culture wars and treason ...

Never mind, Polonius was out and about on the weekend, attempting to calm troubled waters and herd his lost sheep towards salvation ...

Due credit for Polonius to noticing the vile attack by the wretched creature, but of course it's only so he can talk her down, talk over her, talk around her, and otherwise do his best to make light of the matter ... you know, it's just sour grapes from a sour sour griper ...

Around this point the pond was grateful that it had saved a couple of Wilcoxes ...

Ah, that's better, that'll help the last Polonial gobbet go down smoothly ... because naturally the wicked woman has found friends in strange places ...

Well it might not be everyone, but there have certainly been some strange sights and strange bedfellows of late ... (New Daily)

And then there were the greatest hits and memories, with the platters that matter at the Graudian ...

 

 

 

And then came this in The Saturday Paper, may be paywall affected ...

 

 

 

 

It's hard work being a lickspittle forelock-tugging apologist for the notorious liar from the Shire, but never let it be said that Polonius and his prattle is not up to the task ...

And so to a change of pace, because the pond was astonished to see that somehow the Gemmell had gemmelled her way into the commentary section, and they say a change is as good as a holyday ...

Well that was a mistake. Sure we saw the liar from the Shire with a koala, but blathering about Neighbours? 

The damn thing's been running for 38 seasons and has chalked up 8,803 episodes, or so its wiki says, and the pond can proudly say it has never watched a single episode... and would have cheerfully strangled it after the first episode.

Bbut then the pond only heard Blue Hills because the pond's mother insisted on tuning the valve-powered wireless to the ABC, only to turn to Bellbird and in the end a kind of King George III madness ...

As for the rest and that talk of barbies, the Poms really shouldn't get to boasting ...

The official definition of a heatwave is to be changed in a band of English counties from Surrey to east Yorkshire, in response to the warming climate.

The Met Office said it was increasing heatwave temperature thresholds in eight counties before the summer. The change reflected “an undeniable warming trend” for the UK that had made the original thresholds obsolete.

For hot weather to be officially considered a heatwave, the temperature in a specific area has to reach a threshold set by the Met Office for three consecutive days. This varies by UK county.

In Surrey, Berkshire, Buckinghamshire, Bedfordshire, Hertfordshire and Cambridgeshire, the temperature now has to linger at 28C for three days or more to be officially classed as a heatwave, up from 27C previously.

In Lincolnshire, temperatures must reach 27C, an increase from 26C, and in East Riding of Yorkshire it has changed to 26C, from 25C. (Graudian)

By golly the pond could feel My Fair Lady coming on ...

In Hertford, Hereford, and Hampshire, heatwaves and hurricanes hardly ever happen, at least if you define them out of existence.

Okay, okay, doing the gemmell is clearly a lightweight frolic, but at least she keeps the gemmelling short ...

Dear sweet long absent lord, the It factor, the cool vibe, the Insta beacon, and blather about the God of Coal, with Gemmell apparently blithely unaware of the reptile company she keeps. Sad really...

At least the pond remembered what it was like to be caught in a time warp ...

There are more bubble headed boobies at the lizard Oz than were ever dreamed of in the pond's philosophy ...

But once the pond had put its foot in the water, it decided to go all the way with the oscillating fan ... yes, it's a form of heresy, a kind of sacrilege, but why not dirty up a Sunday ...

He'd already been given an honourable mention in the Barners despatches, so why not the real deal, the full thing?

Ah that bloody woman again, ruining things for the reptiles ... and suddenly we've moved from Polonial tosh to a recounting of the many tales told about that horrible, horrible person, the liar from the Shire ...

It turns out that the oscillating fan is a tad anxious about the behaviour of the drunken sailors ...

Apparently the oscillating fan has stopped reading his fellow reptiles and the lizard Oz. 

Was it only yesterday that "Ned" nattered that the likes of the oscillating fan were guilty of exaggeration ...

And so on ... and on ... as the reptiles feud amongst themselves and all the pond can do is watch, getting the same sort of kicks that punters once got from the jelly wresting at the Oxford in Petersham.

See the pond yesterday for "Ned's" natter in full flight, desperately mounting a rear guard action, what with the Gatling jammed and the square broken and the sand running red with extravagant spending promises ...

At this point the pond was glad it had saved another Wilcox, knowing it would come in handy ...

And so to the last gobbet from the oscillating fan, with the note that it's probably going to be some considerable time before the pond repeats the experiment ...

Enough with the nervous nelly reptiles.

As the pond noted at the start, it used to spend time on a Sunday religious follies, and why not a trip back in time for the sake of nostalgia and memories ...

You see a friend of the pond lifted a Book of Mormon from a hotel room, and offered it to the pond as being useful for a post, and sure enough the pond was reminded of the delusions that the likes of Mitt Romney subscribe to ...

Now Mitt is obviously a clever businessman, adept at screwing people and making a motza, and he's made more money than the pond will ever dream of, and yet the pond at least doesn't believe in Santa Claus burying lost gold plates or giving a lift to Christ in his sleigh so he could visit America ...

That talk of Nephi is the clue ... because the Nephi and the Nephites are up (or down) there with talk of Thetans ...

The Three Nephites were chosen from among Christ's twelve disciples on the American continent. Of the twelve, nine expressed their desire to enter speedily into Christ's kingdom once their earthly missions were completed, and Christ granted their wish. The remaining three wanted to remain on the earth laboring in the cause of Christ until his Second Coming, a wish which he granted unto them upon his departure into heaven. (wiki)

Of course the usual doubting Thomases have been out and about for many a year ... (here)

Every era has its cultists and its hucksters and its Elmer Gantries and its mango Mussolinis, but the Book of Mormon is a real doozy ...

Here's a couple of pages celebrating Christ landing amongst the Nephi in America ... and if you believe that, the pond has a harbour bridge going cheap ... (clicking on to enlarge the absurdity might help)... with chapter 11 wherein Christ shows himself to the Nephi ...

The style is very much in the "and then" and "and behold" and "and it came to pass" school of writing, and as Dude Where's My Car?, a holy scripture for the pond once said, "there is no 'and then' ...", for verily, verily, this is gibberish of the first water ...

And now as this has been a light-hearted affair, what about a closing gaggle of US cartoons to seal the deal ...