In the name of Godwin's Law, the pond would first like to put in a plug for the venerable Meade's Weekly Beast. As usual, there's a stack of good reading about the reptiles on view, and this sample is just one example ...
From time to time the pond likes to remind itself that there is an alternative reality, outside the lizard Oz, and that there are others who find the reptiles vastly amusing and entertaining, even as the pond prepares for an exceptionally heavy weekend with a stew of reptiles.
The pond frequently references Marina Hyde and John Crace, but the Weekly Beast is simply essential for anyone wanting their degree in herpetological studies ...
Meanwhile, back at the lizard Oz ranch, once again the bromancer was having a nervous breakdown, while "Ned" was intent yet again proving what a pompous, tedious bore he could be, as if he needed to keep on proving the bleeding obvious ...
Both are exceptionally long, so the pond decided that a bonus from our Gracie was in order, even though it produced a most unseemly length ...
First to the bromancer meltdown ...
Um, actually, the Chinese are already here ... and nobody did anything to stop them, per the ABC ...
And so on and on, but the pond must apologise for reminding the bromancer of the sterling example we set the Solomons on how to sell out ... it's going to be a long haul and the pond should keep its interruptions to a minimum. Carry on bromancing ...
Not to mention a handy base in Darwin in those so ons, but here the pond must report some visual relief, because the reptiles slipped in a snap ...
What a shocking, terrifying image ... no, not that one, this one ...
Oh dear, best move along quickly ... those were the good old days of fantastic free trade agreements ...
By this stage, the pond was doing an impression of a chocolate soldier melting in the fierce noon-day sun, and the reptiles saw the need for another snap ...
Xi not pictured? There's your problem right there ... because there are plenty of snaps from the old days, and great yarns, as with this one ... (soft paywall) ...
Sorry, sorry, the pond promised not to interrupt, especially as it turns out that the problem is yet again Xianity.
You see that Solomons chappie is tightly wound and worse, a Seventh-day Adventist, which quite possibly means he's not a cannibal and refuses to devour human flesh and drink human blood in the form of a wafer and wine on a Sunday ... (how many transubstantiaton jokes can the pond tell?) ...and so deserves the full wrath of the bromancer for being the heretic he is ...
Oh dear, did the reptiles just feature a snap of the mutton Dutton and the liar from the Shire in front of a tank? That's going to send the bromancer off for two more full gobbets ... and sure enough the bromancer went into full war gaming mode, because he just loves his - at present hypothetical - war games, and the sooner the hypothetical gives way to bloody reality the happier he'll be ...
But first, before the gaming, another gobbet of undiluted paranoia ...
Now for the war gaming, as usual featuring the bromancer's love of missiles ... (he probably has a thing for penis-shaped rockets in the way that some billionaires do) ...
Indeed, indeed, and as usual the reptiles are trying to pin it all on the Labor party with shrieking Sharri out and about in tree killer and digital editions, along with a shrinking violet ...
Luckily there was a Rowe for the situation, as there often is ...
As for that matter of the Darwin port and the sterling example it set, never you mind, it's time for your stupefying serve of "Ned" and the pond guarantees stupefaction well before the read ends ...
This time the pond will definitely keep interruptions to a minimum, because the reptiles have padded out "Ned" with assorted click bait videos, which the pond has had to neuter, especially as not one of them features "Ned" droning out his very own words in his sonorous, quavering Chicken Little voice ...
Frankly on some days the pond would feel blessed not to have to put up with "Ned" in full apologist mode, because there's only so much grovelling and lickspittle fellow travelling anyone should have to undertake ...
On and on he rambles, and all the pond can do is report the click bait videos the reptiles inserted to provide some relief ... a relief not allowed the pond because the videos must be neutered ...
Are we there yet? Almost, but first "Ned" must go into listicle mode, with a one and a two and then a "finally" ...
At last and finally, peak "Ned" is in sight, and in a relatively short gobbet ... because sometimes the long absent lord shows mercy, and listening to "Ned" celebrate pigs in trough and pork-barrelling and corruption can only be taken for so long ...
Phew, over at last and pardon the pond a hollow laugh at that blather about betrayal and trust and having the back, and personal rebuffs and feeling it deeply and all the rest of "Ned's" pious bullshit, aqs the pond hearkens back to the Graudian as recently as 16th August 2019 ...
Oh indeed, indeed, we have their backs, what with them always able to work as fruit pickers, and no wonder we feel deeply offended by their lack of trust ...
And at last as promised a serve of our Gracie and the pond was keen to run it, because once again our Gracie has gone rogue ...
Oh dear, our Gracie is not above a certain vindictive sort of behaviour, but what's the bet this time?
To say the pond almost fainted at the heresy is an understatement. It's one thing to have a heretical bet - you know some nags win, some nags lose - but then to offer reasons why you should plonk your money on a particular nag ...
Well the pond isn't a betting person and won't disturb the red back in the purse, and instead will turn to the infallible Pope for a little comic relief, because that has truly been a long haul ...
Says the Bro: "A Chinese military presence in the Sourh Pacific ... would be a revolutionary setback for Australia and necessitate a fundamental rethink of the structure of the Australian Defence Force." Yeah, ocean-going tanks ! We'd have to buy $billions worth of ocean-going tanks !
ReplyDeletePlease GB, don't taunt the bromancer with tanks, you know how he hates the tanks, it'll send him into a paranoid hysterical depression until his next column ...
DeleteOh all right, DP, if you say so I'll exhibit some Christian charity.
DeleteBut hey, how about instead of tanks, we convert the Bushmasters into Sea(ocean)masters ? That'd work, wouldn't it ?
The Bro. does tell us - in a BOOK, no less - of the supposed solace that might be found in the religious belief that he outlines, so carefully, in that tome, so that is probably what sustains him from one column to the next.
ReplyDeleteThose religious belief things always attract plenty of dedicated martyrs, don't they.
DeleteI just love seeing the Bromancer working himself into a blathering lather. Apologies to Cole Porter...
ReplyDeleteOh I’ve got subs, lots of subs
I’m deploying in my tub
Fighting Xinping
And I let off lots of missiles
While I’m hiding in the suds
Fighting Xinping
When I play with myself
Winning is a breeze
Due to my ablutionary expertise
Plus I’ve got the weaponry
To beat the Chinese
Missiles and subs!
Ah yes, that's the Gracie we know and love: no hopeless grifting gambler her, just put your money on a certainty and ... "In fact, it would have been a miracle if Labor had won. It went to the 2019 election with a toxic leader and dreadful policies. Even then, it lost by only one seat."
ReplyDeleteThat makes two of us who have noticed that, Gracie. As far as the conventional, standard model of reptile is concerned, that was a landslide ! But otherwise, what about "the 'quiet Australians' who are going to somehow emerge from nowhere on polling day and bring it home for the government in another miracle victory ?"
Yeah, what about the "silent majority" who always win every election ? But this time it's $loMo who is the toxic leader and it's the LNP that has the dreadful policies. Isn't it ?