In which the pond continues its completist onion muncher duties, but in a late arvo slot so no-one will notice ...

 

 

 

 

 

 

The pond is something of a completist, and so it simply couldn't ignore the onion muncher this day in the lizard Oz ...

Sure, the onion muncher is late on the scene - Vlad the impaler, the invader, the war monger - first launched an unholy war on Ukraine on 24th February, and here it is the 4th April and finally Mr Irrelevance decides to make a stand - but that attempt to strut the world stage, a form of impotent futility, deserves some recognition, even if the piece itself is full of the usual pieties, the always lurking pomposity, and routine self-glorification of the "my government" kind ...

 

Oh dear, Australia's robust response? It's just the onion muncher using Ukraine's tragedy to score cheap political points? If the Ukrainians had hung around waiting for an Australian response, chances are the civilian butchers would have overrun the country.

Sadly it seems the war is just a chance for Mr Irrelevance to wander down memory lane and talk yet again of "my government" ...

The pond hopes the Ukrainians realise that they shouldn't count on the onion muncher, getting all teary about his glory days ...

How to cope? Why not some completely irrelevant cartoons? The pond led with one, and here's another celebrating democracy in action ...

 

 

And now back to the onion muncher hacking it out for the reptiles, trading on the deeds of others ...

 

Dear sweet long absent lord, the pond had forgotten how the onion muncher loved to hear the sound of his own voice, somehow imagining that it had a Churchillian ring, as opposed to a sounding brass or a clanging cymbal ...

Quick waiter, a relieving irrelevant cartoon ...

 

 

And so back for the final gobbet, which thankfully is short because there's only so much meandering irrelevance even an onion muncher can produce ...

 

Is there anything more that the onion muncher can do to alienate the pond and produce a profound sense of futility while a war criminal carries on regardless?

 

Yep, he draws himself up to his full pompous height and starts off a par with "In my judgment" ... you know, in my opinion, to my mind, in my view, to my way of thinking, I believe, I think, as I see it, if you ask me, personally, in my book, for my money, in my estimation, in my pompous cliché-laden carry on ... 

The pond will settle for the judgment of Zelensky and the Ukrainian people, battling a butcher, but for those who want the self-regarding bromancer, here he is ...

 

 

 

Oh fucketty fuck, not two "in my judgments" in the one gobbet ...

 

Look, the pond doesn't mind the onion muncher belatedly realising in April that there's a war on ... and that we should be helping.

 

That's the sort of prompt response we could have expected when he was PM, and the pond thanks the long absent lord that the Ukrainians didn't need his huge morale-boosting before the 4th of April to dish it out to Vlad the impaler, but why does the onion muncher bother, and why do the reptiles encourage him?

 

The pond has no idea, but it has carried out its completist duties and will end with another cartoon ...