In which prattling Polonius reveals Freudian obsessions, Dame Slap is ... Dame Slap ... and the dog botherer autofellates in the usual doggie way ...

 

What a relief. After all the hurly-burly yesterday, arising from the war on China and the war on climate and the war on coal, how sweet it is to pick on someone that's a bit smaller and bung on a do with them. 

And is there anyone better at bullying than our own playground dominating prattling Polonius?

 

 

 

Don't let that face or its funny peculiar accent talking of soxty sox soosages fool you. She's a harridan, a veritable Medusa, and a fit figure for Polonius's ire.

 

Now around this point some tiresome Freudian will no doubt intrude and wonder why Polonius always has a problem with women in power, but the pond says fiddlesticks to that, at least this week he can give the 'ABC lacking a single conservative' routine a well-deserved rest, and scribble furiously about the way that New Zealand lacks decent conservative rool ... oh Piggy, how we miss you ...

 

 

Of course the pond was shocked that the New Zealanders had refused to join the war on China, all the more so as this is Anzac day, and it's outrageous that these derelict no gooders still get their initials in the name, when Aac, or if you will Aac Aac, should be the new designation (handy if we come under attack from Martians, we'll be able to speak their language) ... but do go on, and please try not to keep that Freudian fixation on a woman in power slip out too often ...

 

Of course the ABC would refuse to ask the tough questions of that dreadful but clever and cunning like a vixen politician. It goes without saying that the broadcaster doesn't have a single conservative on its staff - oh dear, the hoppy toad slipped out again - and how much better it would be if Polonius was assigned to do the breakfast show. By golly, he'd show them how it's done, what with bright talks each morning about Ming the Merciless, B. A. Santamaria, tykes and the DLP...

And now, because reading Polonius can bring out the pedant in one, the pond would like to draw attention to a question in The Canberra Times, "Has Australia cut its greenhouse emissions faster than New Zealand?", which is paywall protected, but should only chew up one free click ...

It was Dame Groan who set the hare loose, in her usual Groanian way ...

 

And that led to endless figures and calculations ...

 

 

 

And so on and on, and in the end, the pond decided it had to cut to the chase ...

 

 

 

... just so it could back to Polonius's last gobbet, and show off what had sent the pond off to match Polonius at pedantry ... yes, Polonius did a quick Groan ...

 

Indeed, indeed, even when it comes to mass murder by an Australian, it's obvious that it's all the fault of the Kiwis and their dreadful leader ... 

But enough of Polonius's bizarre obsessions, because it's time to turn to those of Dame Slap ...

 

At this point, the boasting of Dame Slap became almost too much to bear, and the pond began to wonder why the reptiles had posted this story fairly close to Dame Slap's column ...

 

 

 

What did it mean? Was it like a carbon offset? Toxic fumes from Dame Slap balanced by toxic stories?

 

And what was the pond to make of this cryptic message from the oscillating fan in a column the pond couldn't bear to repeat in full?

 

 

 

"Certain media outlets and social media"? Was he talking about the reptiles, and Dame Slap? Or was he just sipping the Murdochian kook aid?

A culture of grievance? But the reptiles are full of grievance. In fact the oscillating fan took his culture of grievance to a meta-reflexive level by grieving about the level of grievance ...

Dame Slap, on the other hand, just grieves and whines and moans all the bloody time ...

 

Oh indeed, indeed, poor hapless men confronted by flirty women ... how we've been down that terrible path before ...

 

 

Sorry, the pond doesn't know how that snuck in there, but it is a meditative Sunday, so let's celebrate flirty fishing as a way of getting closer to god ... and now back to normal programming, which is to say weird Dame Slapspeak ...

There's nothing like establishing a leftist conspiracy to explain everything, in much the same way that climate science will see the United Nations introduce a world government by Xmas ... but even with that in mind, the peculiar writhings of Dame Slap in that last gobbet were downright weird, what with her having made sweeping generalisations, and then deploring sweeping generalisations, and then bizarrely imagining that men have never made generalisations about women ...

Generally the pond was left with the general impression that it was reading the thoughts of an IPA stooge and chairman ... perhaps a smaller dose would help with the adjustment required ...

 

Nope, it's just more fucking weird ... best just to gulp it down and be done with it ...

Ms Slap, New Zealand is a hotbed of treachery and treason. It might be a nice place for mindless tourists to be beguiled by the siren song that treacherously deluded Odysseus, but please, read Polonius before talking of reopening borders ... remember, it takes only one Kiwi landing here to speak of fush and chups, and the next thing you know, China will have landed a zillion troops in Darwin, and it's all their bloody fault, them and their lax gun laws and their pretending to care about climate science, when everyone knows the reptiles are the only ones who can save the planet ...

And so to a special bonus ...

 

 

Yes, it's the dog botherer, and as it's a long read, it's only for hardened, experienced, toughened herpetology students with a meditative Sunday to waste...

Best to start with a nibble, so that it can be noted that the dog botherer is front and centre in this tale. There's a lot of I, me, my, in this story ...

 

 

Say what, he's already confessing to being one of those shameless inner city 'leets who ruin everything? What's this got to do with anything, apart from the strutting self-important hubris of a crow eater turned eastern stater?

Never mind, the pond has lived with a view of the harbour, and even better a view of the mighty Yarra, and rubbed noses with Rollers in the Toorak village car park, so we're all 'leets at some point in our urban lives ...

 

Of course Malware's biggest mistake was his ability to pick fuckwits for advisors, from the multi mix of the NBN to utegate ...oh great days ... as remembered at the AFR in 2015 by that terrible Joe Aston ...

The first episode of The Killing Season on Tuesday night was surely the best thing to happen to the political classes since George Brandis explained metadata.
The ABC documentary reminded us that Sarah Ferguson has the best voice on television and left us all remembering in wonderment that complete weirdo Godwin Grech. Which we'll come back to …
Now, remember back in January when Tony Abbott was being laughed off the national stage for knighting Prince Philip and the conservative commentariat were calling for the blood of the PM's chief of staff Peta Credlin?
Daily Telegraph columnist Miranda Devine, for one, wasn't wasting time with subtleties, openly pushing for Credlin's replacement to be "the person she didn't want to hire as head of communication strategy, despite various entreaties from high-level media and political figures: Chris Kenny".
Kenny, Devine wrote of her News Corp stablemate, is "in touch with the world, has the right ideas [and] shares Abbott's broad world view.
"But his greatest attribute is that he's fearless and confident enough to challenge the cosy consensus thinking."
But who comprised Malcolm Turnbull's inner sanctum when the Grech/Utegate misjudgment destroyed his leadership? His chief of staff was Kenny – fearless to a fault! – while Credlin was banished to a broom closet, finishing her law degree.

Well, the pond did say that was going to be a lot I, me, my in this fearless saga ... especially when a judgmental loon thinks he has the judgmental chops to judge others' failings ...

 

Oh not really. Why blame News Corp when Malware's idea of a good hire was to put a loon like the dog botherer on staff ... a loon who now seeks to trade off on past brushes with politics by pretending to discover deep similarities between former Chairman Rudd and Malware, when the alleged shared qualities -  volatile characteristics, alternating charm and viciousness, grandstanding on climate but refusing to deliver, desire for public adulation but inability to consolidate internal support, and the triumph of knightly hope over actual Green army achievement might equally apply to the onion muncher...

But then the pond didn't promise insight, it just promised a lot of dog bothering ... so it's back to the I, me, my routine ...

 

... which begs the question, why should a denialist of the dog botherer kind care? It was the perfect trifecta... killing off pollies who accepted the science, installing a loon of the first water who thought climate science was crap, and fucking the planet. It was all a dog botherer might hope for ... and even today there are some conspiracy theorists who think that utegate was nothing up against the dog botherer's climategate ...

And so back to the I, me, my routine, because the dog botherer wants you to know he was a player. Oh sure some might think of him as an attendant scribe, to swell a progress, start a utegate scene or two, advise the Lord on how best to fuck Iraq, but he was a player ...

 

The pond dares anyone to imagine anything more nauseating than the sight of the dog botherer up both News Corp's bum and his own, all at the same time ... and yet he does it with such innocence and delight, much like a flexible young man might show when he realises he can autofellate ... but quickly now, because there's still two gobbets of I, me, my to go ...

 

Indeed, indeed, but as the dog botherer himself mentioned Lord Downer, the pond can't let go the chance to wander down memory lane again ...

 

 

Who needs former Chairman Rudd or Malware when you can have Lord Downer and the dog botherer?

 

What to say? Well there's always fuck the dog botherer, and fuck the documentary, which just on this text alone seems designed to arouse sympathy for Malware and former Chairman Rudd, a sympathy the pond is reluctant to grant them ... and yet, the dog botherer sounds so pitiful, playing such a wretched insider's game, that we all know his documentary won't be compelling, but rather an example of the sort of cosplay that News Corp indulges in when it comes to political power ...

It dares the pond to ask the question, why would anyone have any interest in what this loon has to say, given the way he's fucked things up, from utegate to Iraq, and yet still manages to regard himself as being a font of political wisdom and insight ... and who right now is still doing his level best to fuck the planet ...

Meanwhile, an old thought from 2020, but as the dog botherer mentioned the Graudian, the pond thought it might reheat a portion and serve it, with the whole pie here ...

Yes ... yes ... yes...