In which the pond is haunted by the Major and the Oreo ...

 

As sneering Polonius noted on the weekend, sneering at sneering secularists is important work for the reptiles, and each week he sneers at the ABC. 

The pond doesn't mind a little sneering itself, and so it sneered and snickered as the ABC resorted to Flinty in its hour of need. And then yesterday the pond accidentally exposed itself to a dose of the religion report on RN, whereby the bromancer turned up to talk about modern society as neo-pagan. 

The pond sneered at almost everything the bromancer said, and also sneered at the asinine, supportive questions offered up by the host, until they both arrived at the awkward matter of child molestation (and never mind that the bromancer had proposed Xianity as wondrous for its treatment of women. Salem quoi?).

It was at that point the pond realised that it wasn't a secularist, it had in fact experienced a spiritual moment. It was being haunted by the reptiles, they'd turn up almost anywhere at any time to give the pond a hairs rising on neck moment, and nowhere was safe ...

The ABC was haunted, and so was the lizard Oz, and so to today's haunting, and inevitably the main spectre on view early in the morning at the top of the page was the Major, who would, inevitably, spend his time sneering at the ABC ... and at the same time, perforce the Major would have to do some heavy lifting for the government, because that's what reptiles must do ... which would produce sneers and snickers in the pond, and so the virtuous circle would once again be complete ...

 

Behaving like a real editor is offering up a hit piece on a journalist? Phew, that's a relief, the pond feels vastly relieved that it spends each Monday sneering at the Major.

For example, what the fuck is the Major doing disinterring Mark Scott for his sneering? If he's going to go into that ghoulish exercise, we might as well recall when the Major was an editor, and damn it, he never could find dinkum details about that long lost Order of Lenin medal ...

As for Maiden, the pond was made content by a report this day from the reptiles themselves ...

 

 

Bloody women. Always a headache, though the Catholics elevated Mary to a mystical level, by giving birth to a man who lived and died (and never mind all that blather about the Trinity in the pond's comment section).

 

Never mind, we're still in the land of sneering at Scott, perhaps some ancient feud lost in the mists of the Major's medieval mind, or perhaps just plain old fashioned envy of a happy clapper on the move ...

 

Truly the partisanship of the reptiles, and the Major in reporting the doings of the government is staggering.

And truly it's staggering to note the way that the Major has taken to repeating himself, and what he said last week ... but then supporting SloMo and his chums is undeniably part of the job description, and the Major takes his duties seriously ...

 

Indeed, indeed. How dare that black Swan quack about News Ltd, while each week the reptiles might assault the black Swan without care or regard ...

And how shocking the public's confidence in the government should be shaken ... and never mind the follies of the roll out. Yes, even cartoonists must take their share of the blame ...

 

And so to a last gobbet, and a shocking admission by the Major. 

 

 

Waleed Aly got it right? Quite frankly, the pond got quite teary and wondered if it might ever read such a sordid line again ...

But of course it's a truism that the enemy of your enemy is your friend, and it's the Major's duty to lead the ABC to understand the errors of its ways, and to lead them to see the light, and to become a Pravda, an arm of government, whereby everything becomes propaganda for the wondrous deeds of SloMo and his chums ...

It's a Sisyphean task, but each week the Major can be relied upon to roll up, deliver assorted sneers and repeat himself, while carrying out his Herculean task of reforming the unrepentant. Well done Major ... Elmer Gantry and the pond approve of your work.

The pond then turned to look for a support cameo and was torn apart by the Solomonic judgement it had to make...

 

 

 

The pond usually has space for the craven Craven, here nobly transferring all blame to the states for whatever happens, rendering SloMo and his chums impotent to do anything about much of anything, but the pond has an even softer spot for reformed, recovering feminists, and this day the Oreo was in a transcendental fury ... 

 

 

It's true that the mutton Dutton has been much trolled and slandered, even by underwater Pacific islanders, and certainly by the infallible Pope ...

 

 

... though to be fair, that evocation of a potato produces a stunning likeness, with an elevated Picasso-like sense of the surreal ...

But enough of comedy, we have serious matters to discuss thanks to the reformed, recovering feminist, and the fact that her name evokes thoughts of Oreos in the pond should have nothing to do with it ...

 

But what of art and satire?

 

 

What of music and laughter?

 

 

Come to think of it, when it comes to the use of defamation proceedings, what of actual events?

 

 

 

Come to think of it, what of actual reporting?

 

Yes that story about the NSW Deputy Police chief, here, is an interesting one, and even news.com.au ran with it ...

 

Sorry, where was the pond? Ah, that's right, with the reformed, recovering Oreo, doing her best to stand by the mutton Dutton, Xian Porter and SloMo's mob,  a worthy lieutenant to the Major...

 

 And there you have it. A reformed, recovering feminist turned righteous puritan, as if there had never been gossip in the royal court way back when, and in the rags to be discovered in coffee shops in the eighteenth century, or in the rags put out by Hearst (what a dull, misguided and bone-headed effort Mank is by the way), or better yet, in the rags put out by the Chairman himself...

The Oreo is getting indignant about the dark art of destroying reputations?

 

Could it be that people are just doing what comes naturally to the reptiles? Godwin's Law anyone?

Could it be that the notion of the Rapture is inherently funny? Or even a little creepy and weird?

 

Not to worry, in celebration of today's haunting, the pond offers up a rapturous Rowe, with more Rowe raptures here ... as we hack away the days with the niblick jabber, dressed in great togs and with a caddie ready to star in a sequel to Caddyshack...