The pond almost didn't bother this day, what with the irredeemably dull tosh the reptiles served up ...
Reheated savvy Savva, left over from yesterday? Blather about Queensland, also given a short burst in the microwave? The oscillating fan scribbling in praise of SloMo and his astute cabinet picks? McCrann not showing off his climate science expertise?
And at the top of the page early in the morning it was no better ...
That Chinese students story was also a reheat from yesterday.
What happened to the war on China? More importantly, where's bloody Henry, musing about the wonders and joys of Xianity and western civilisation?
C'mon reptiles, this is Easter, and what do we see? The complete secularisation of the lizard Oz, with not a word about the most significant day in the Xian calendar!
The pond was desperate, and inspired by Crikey, thought of doing a greatest caring hits compendium ...
Yes, that's more likely, the Canavan caravan still rolling, a complete buffoon out and about tweeting ... evoking fond tweeting memories to be found here ...
That's way more like it, the Canavan caravan always on a journey of sensitivity and awareness ...
The pond even headed off to the WSJ, but who cares about Karl Rove? Where's 'Gaetzgate' when it's needed? And it strutted off to The Times, but Boris carelessly losing his advisor on black matters barely cuts it ... Boris is always losing things, as to the manor and the manner born.
The pond still refuses to visit the reptile tabloids and the likes of the Bolter, those days are gone, and decided the slack arsed reptiles were simply being lazy, and decided to wait it out and publish a little later, because surely the reptiles would come around, and publish at least one piece on Xianity's great weekend.
Surely Henry would turn up on his donkey?
As the clock ticked on, the pond began to distract itself with other one liners ...
... but it also began to slowly dawn on the pond that Henry might be a no show, that that might be all there is, my friends, and the pond would have to dance with the bromancer and not have booze or a ball ...
Et tu bromancer? Usually the pond could rely on the bromancer for a brave defence of Xianity and western civilisation, especially on such an important day for pagan festival types wanting to celebrate Ēostre eggs and the Ēostre bunny and spring goddess Ēostre in general, and never mind that we're upside down in autumn ...
Instead the bromancer wanted to talk about boys' toys, and heavy kit under the kilt and all that stuff ...
Oh sure, there's a trademark "that's nuts" in there, but please, the pond is only doing this under protest ... though no doubt the bromancer will do his best to entertain by citing Lenin, what with him being a devout Marxist under his kilt and all ...
Really? This is Ēostre, and all the bromancer can do is go on a war footing? Should we be instituting a recycling of Easter bunny chocolates and aluminium pots and pans as we prepare for World War III?
Say what? There's a question over the submarines? Back in the day the bromancer was being cited here as an expert on a certain issue ...
Yes, back then the bromancer was talking down the French and talking up a match made in heaven, as these samples recall ...
And then a quick jump to the end ... and it's still a match made in heaven, but it turned out that the best match made in heaven was a turn with the French, and stuff the Japanese. Who would have guessed it, who could imagine the bromancer ready for a clash of gears (ah fond memories of the days of clutches and clutch starts), and patented 180 degree turn, hard to starboard me hearties ...
Or maybe it really couldn't be ...
Oh sheesh, here it is, Ēostre and the pond is discussing kit with the bromancer yet again. As the professor said in The Bourne Identity, "Look at us. Look at what they make you give."
Come on bromancer, please wrap it up with a few genuine cliches of the 'generals fighting the last war' kind ...
What, there's another gobbet to go, and the bromancer wants to raise the spectre (Bondian pun intended) of the failed Joint Strike Fighters initiative?
Well the pond has already been down the joint strike fighter garden path, and is pleased to note the bromancer diligently at work undermining the frigates program and a general confidence in the public that we will be ready to participate in World War III by Xmas, but the pond couldn't help but feel there had been treachery afoot ...
The immortal Rowe slacking off, the infallible Pope gone missing, our Henry nowhere to be seen, the bromancer going nuts in his usual way, and the pond only left with a bit of a left over First Dog cartoon with which to celebrate Ēostre!
Yes, you'll have to go to the Graudian here to see the whole cartoon, but at least it provides the pond with a sense of closure, since somewhere way up above the reptiles were bitching about the states ... and now off to bite on a hot X bun, because there's nothing like a cross on a bun to make the pond salivate ... it surely beats the timely delivery of a vaccine ruined by cancel culture ...
And so at precisely 7.40 am in the morning, the pond pronounced a reptile Ēostre dead, at least for this bad Friday, this no good Friday, this is nuts, and reluctantly, slowly hit the publish button ...
"Well the pond has already been down the joint strike fighter garden path..."
ReplyDeleteYep, it's a joy alright, just like the Americans are saying:
The Air Force Warfighting Integration Capability Office Shoots Down The F-35
https://wentworthreport.com/the-air-force-warfighting-integration-capability-office-shoots-down-the-f-35/
Inside America’s Dysfunctional Trillion-Dollar Fighter-Jet Program
https://www.nytimes.com/2019/08/21/magazine/f35-joint-strike-fighter-program.html
As best I can see, the F35 is a very complex aeroplane full of very complex technology and quite simply, the more complex the undertaking, the very less likely the human race is to be successful at it. And the F35 goes way over the boundary limit of human capability. Not to mention the usual rate of failure in trying to bring together many separate suppliers around the world.
" A number of design deficiencies were alleged, such as carrying a small internal payload, inferior performance to the aircraft being replaced particularly the General Dynamics F-16 Fighting Falcon, and the lack of safety in relying on a single engine, and flaws were noted such as vulnerability of the fuel tank to fire and the propensity for transonic roll-off (TRO or "wing drop"). The possible obsolescence of stealth technology was also criticized."
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lockheed_Martin_F-35_Lightning_II_development
Add to that the very high failure rate for humans doing things for the first time - and there's lots of complex 'first time' stuff in the F35, and it might be counted as some kind of miracle that it ever took to the skies at all, albeit much later than was originally planned and expected:
"Lockheed Martin F-35 Lightning II development started in 1995 with the origins of the Joint Strike Fighter program and is expected to culminate in the completion of operational testing and start of full-rate production in 2021.[6] The X-35 first flew on 24 October 2000 and the F-35A on 15 December 2006."
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lockheed_Martin_F-35_Lightning_II_development
But so good that the very ept and mayed Bromancer can see through all of that to laud, in a most ruly way, how the F35 will be instrumental in achieving a truly irenic world.
https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2021/apr/01/isnt-it-irenic-its-time-to-bring-back-beautiful-words-we-have-lost
And apart from all that, happy Ēostre, DP.
And just the very most couth and gruntled reading for the day:
DeleteHow will our bodies be put back together? What about those eaten by cannibals? A brief history of Christian resurrection beliefs
https://theconversation.com/how-will-our-bodies-be-put-back-together-what-about-those-eaten-by-cannibals-a-brief-history-of-christian-resurrection-beliefs-157678
'He spoke with a certain what-is-it in his voice, and I could see that, if not actually disgruntled, he was far from being gruntled.'
DeleteHappy equinoctial DP and GB. The Bromancer is in fighting form this good Eostre Friday.
ReplyDeleteHere goes bloody Sheridan
Talking bloody war again
We’ve had his bloody sub routine
Now missiles are his bloody dream
He claims he’s bloody Christian yet
He’s just the army’s bloody pet
No thought for bloody bodies or
The bloody cost of bloody war
Said Jesus – Turn your bloody cheek
The earth is for the bloody meek
Says Sheridan – It’s bloody not
The victor gets the bloody lot
Though we can bloody all agree
We share a bloody history
Let’s shed no more one bloody drop
It’s bloody time to bloody stop
And...if Sheridan’s predictions do come true...
Onboard Christian Sailors
Sailing off to war
With yon General Sheridan
Waving from the shore
Diving to disaster
Underneath the foam
In a sub not fit to battle
With the Chinese foe
You shall have no triumph
Nor a victory
You’ll swim with the fishes
Far beneath the sea
Because Dutton cut the funding
For a rescue plan
And left all your escape suits
In a warehouse in Japan
I am totally mayed and gruntled, Kez; what truly ept pieces of work. I get the 'Onward' one, but strewth, mate, I just can't twig to the sanglant one. Clarification, please.
ReplyDeleteWell GB, when DP wryly observed ‘This is Ēostre, and all the bromancer can do is go on a war footing?’ - I thought of how war and Easter are basically all about bloodshed. That started me off and I guess my outback upbringing is showing, because where I come from every second word uttered by my dad and his mates was ‘bloody’. Someone could be a bloody good bloke while somebody else could be a bloody bastard. Something could be bloody horrible yet another thing could be bloody beautiful.
DeleteIn that piece I was using the word in not only the strict haematic sense but also in the vernacular intensifying adjective mode. For instance, the line 'Turn your bloody cheek' is what Jesus would have said if he came from West Tilpa. It doesn't mean 'avert your haemmorhaging countenance' - it means 'cop it on the chin mate'. I hope this bloody helps cobber!
Oh yeah, I got the "bloody" bit Kez - any bloody Aussie, outback or city, would - it was the 'original' source that (unlike Onward Christian Soldiers) I couldn't place.
DeleteCheers GB, the only original source for that one is my own head. No prior works were harmed in the process.
DeleteThen excellently done, mate, excellently done.
DeleteCheers GB.
DeleteThank you Kez. For those of you missing the Friday Henry, I have synthesised one. It has the necessary elements of obscure early writer - with the advantage that this particular writer’s works have all been lost, and a sprinkling of pithy Latin quotes. What else do you need?
ReplyDelete“Marcion was a Gnostic, who lived around the second century. He preached that salvation was gained by simple faith in the gospel, so was expelled by the presbyters for heresy.
A Roman saying of the time, useful in many religious debates, was ‘Latrante uno, latrat statim et alter canis.’
Marcion was born at Sinope on the Black Sea, he later moved to Rome, but ‘Terra mutata non mutat mores.’
Marcion made the first collection of the epistles of Paul, except those to Timothy and Titus. The only gospel he accepted was Luke, but there he changed ‘I am come not to destroy but to fulfil the law’ into I am come not to fulfil but to destroy the law.’ Thus we can see his remarkable influence on Western thought down to the present day, even though, and this is the message with particular significance to the Easter season, ‘Duos qui sequitor lepores, neutram capit.”
Cheers Chadders. And thank you for that entertaining piece, I especially liked that last quote.
DeleteI could see the light of the Holely shining forth from your eyes as you wrote that, Chad. And of course it was the Paulian epistles that formulated and expressed the 'Christian' belief set in Rome and eventually throughout Europe.
DeleteGreat fun from all. The pond will allow the Kez to stand as entirely original fun, though the pond did hesitate with Chadders, because surely there's something in the law about rifling through our Henry's remainders draw and pilfering his work? Can it be construed as satire when it's evidently so real and true and bon mot just?
DeleteI had attempted to add this contribution later - but the site was having one of its 'coy' moments, and not accepting. Anyway -
DeleteThose Latin one-liners may be translated, for convenience, as
’When one dog barks, another immediately barks as well.’
‘A change of land does not change character.’
‘He who chases two hares captures neither.’
- although readers fully acquainted with (non-ecclesiastical) Latin will appreciate that there has to be a touch of adaptation to undisciplined English.
Now the google translation site renders the second bit of "A change of land ..." as "does not change behaviour". Which, I earnestly inquire, is the more apposite ? Can there be a change of behaviour without a change of character ? Or of character without a corresponding change of behaviour ?
DeleteHmmm. I tend to think that one can have a change of behaviour arising from a change of belief - does a change of belief amount, invariably, to a change of character ? What is "character" anyway ?
As to the hares, well indeed they both won't be caught - at least not in the same pursuit - if they take off in 180deg different directions. But if they run side by side ? Who knows the mind of a hare ?
And I must say that in my neighbourhood, as I go for my occasional late night wander, that quite frequently one dog barks but others in the street remain silent.
Is it perhaps that so-called 'Roman wisdom' is, like all claimed 'human wisdom', vastly overrated ?
Thanks GB - I had not thought to test google translation on those quotes. For all the claims that Latin is a language pure in its structure, the works that survive from its glory days show much colloquialism and nuance, which, I think, explains its attraction to the Henries of this world. You can always massage the translation to help make your 21st century point. And, given the goss. contained in, for example, Seutonius - 'Roman wisdom' was no better than that promulgated by any other fleeting civilization.
ReplyDelete